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The Maid? Honey, I'm Your Husband's Boss
The Maid? Honey, I'm Your Husband's Boss
Author: Faithy

1

Author: Faithy
Someone was about to kick my gate in.

I was crouched in the dirt, covered in mud, tending the rare flowers I'd been growing for four years.

"Open up! Hey, lawn girl, are you deaf?"

My new neighbor Sophie stood outside with her husband, David Miller.

She wore heavy makeup, and the second she saw me, she pinched her nose in disgust.

"You again? God, you stink. Where the hell is your boss?"

This was the fifth day in a row she'd pounded on my gate.

I brushed the dirt off my hands.

"I've told you again and again. I'm the owner. If you have something to say, say it."

Sophie burst out laughing as if I'd told the funniest joke she'd ever heard.

"David, did you hear that? If she owns this place, I'm the Queen of England!"

David looked me up and down with open contempt.

"I already looked it up. The owner lives in Europe. You're just the caretaker they hired to watch the house. Quit pretending."

He pulled out a wad of cash and slapped it against his palm.

"I'm about to be named vice president at Vaughn Realty. I'm throwing a party on Sunday to do some networking, and my backyard's too small."

He pointed the cash at my backyard.

"I'll have workers knock down the wall between us and open it up. Here's $2,000 as a deposit. On Sunday, you come serve drinks and wash dishes, and I'll give you another $3,000."

Sophie chimed in. "$5,000! That's more than you'd earn digging in the dirt for half a year. Your boss isn't here, so as long as you keep your mouth shut, it's free money. Aren't you going to thank Mr. Miller?"

I looked at the cash David was holding out. It was ridiculous.

His appointment as vice president of Vaughn Realty was sitting on my desk, waiting for my final approval.

The paperwork wasn't even final, and he was already acting like a big shot.

I'd put aside my company work and stayed here for months to get my flowers ready to represent the country at next week's London flower show.

And to them, I was just some caretaker they could boss around?

I took the cash.

David grinned, pleased with himself.

"That's more like it. Poor folks who know their place are the only ones who last around here..."

I threw the cash in his greasy face.

"This house is mine. Touch my yard, and you'll pay more than you can afford.

"Take your money and get out."

I chased them off with my shovel. Sophie kept cursing at me from the other side of the gate.

"You little bitch, you thieving squatter, just you wait!"

The next day, I turned on the faucet to water my flowers.

A trickle of rusty water sputtered out, then stopped. Every light in the house went dark too.

Someone had pried open my breaker box, and my water valve had been welded shut.

A notice stuck to it read, "Lot Eight is suspected of illegal power use. Water and electricity have been shut off indefinitely, effective immediately."

And outside my front gate, someone had dumped three bins of rotting food waste.

The leftovers baked in the blazing sun, drawing swarms of flies to my gate.

On her second-floor balcony next door, Sophie held a coffee cup and watched me as if I were putting on a show for her.

When she saw me standing in front of the garbage, she spoke loudly enough for me to hear.

"Property management here is so on top of things! Some thieving maids deserve to get their water and power cut. She smells like a garbage dump anyway. She and that trash are a perfect match."

I swallowed my anger, took photos of everything, and called Carl, the community's property manager.

"Carl, who authorized you to weld my water valve shut? And what's with the garbage at my gate?"

Carl didn't sound the least bit sorry.

"Mr. Miller oversees all the landscaping and security contracts for the whole estate. He's a big shot, and he reported that you're ruining the look of this luxury community. We're just following the rules.

"You're just the help. Why pick a fight with Mr. Miller? Clear out the yard tomorrow, and we'll turn your water and power back on and haul away the garbage. Keep talking back, and I'll bring a crew over this afternoon to tear the place down."

I looked up at Sophie, gloating on her balcony.

"Carl, you're the property manager here. Do you even know what this estate is called?"

Carl snorted on the other end.

"Obviously. Stirling Estates, the most exclusive neighborhood around! Why? You're a maid, and you think you can scare me by dropping the big boss's name?"

"Lot Eight is registered with the land office and the HOA under one code, ST-001. I'm the owner. Lana Stirling."

Carl acted like I'd told him a hilarious joke.

"Don't try to scare me with some made-up code! Anybody can steal a last name. If that's how it works, I'm Carl Stirling."

I didn't want to waste any more breath on him.

"Fine, Carl. Remember every word you said today."
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  • The Maid? Honey, I'm Your Husband's Boss   8

    Our cars pulled into the shelter.Sophie was clutching half a moldy loaf of bread while a few deranged residents punched and kicked her."Give it back, it's mine! I'm the vice president's wife!" she shrieked, her hands covered in infected sores.I looked down at her.Sophie looked up, and when she saw it was me, she started shaking all over."Didn't you love watching other people grovel in the dirt?" I said softly. "Well? Can you see it now?"She crawled toward me through the mud."Don't hit me. I'll shine your shoes. Please, just give me a sip of clean water..."A bodyguard stepped forward and kept her back in the mud."Didn't you think everything here was filthy?" I waved a hand.The bodyguards behind me brought out several big bags of fresh rotisserie chicken, burgers, and clean water and dropped them in front of her.The mouthwatering smell filled the air.Sophie stared, glassy-eyed. She forgot all about begging, ripped open the bags, and started stuffing food into her mouth.But s

  • The Maid? Honey, I'm Your Husband's Boss   7

    Rachel signaled the officers forward, and David and Sophie were dragged into the police cars.Sergeant Briggs looked toward his gun, now lying out of reach, then at David as he was dragged away. He tried to keep up the bluff."There must be some misunderstanding. I just answered Mr. Miller's call. It was routine..."Rachel glanced at him. "The $50,000 you took to keep quiet is already in David's laundering ledger. And the person you pointed a gun at is the Stirling heir."At the name Stirling, the sergeant's legs gave out, and he started babbling."David put me up to it! I didn't know anything. I'll resign right now...""Nice try." Rachel's face didn't change. "You're removed from duty effective immediately, your assets are seized, and you're being transferred to Corcoran State Prison."That was a maximum-security prison full of gang leaders.Sergeant Briggs cried and begged, but they pulled a hood over his head and shoved him into a police car.Marcus frowned in disgust and glanced at

  • The Maid? Honey, I'm Your Husband's Boss   6

    Crying, they scrambled to pick up the bills and coins they'd just thrown.Two of them even got into a hair-pulling fight over a torn bill."This is my money. I didn't throw anything at Ms. Stirling. You did!""Bull! You were laughing the loudest!"Not far away, a wet stain spread across the front of Carl's pants.I walked over to Carl, sprawled in his own mess."Get up, Mr. Carl Stirling."Aren't you a Stirling? What's wrong? Too scared to claim your own last name now?"Carl twitched all over, failed to get a word out, and passed out.I flexed the hand that had held the tray.A bodyguard stepped up immediately and draped a coat over my shoulders."Marcus, get up."Marcus flinched and straightened up, sweat streaming down his face."Ms. Stirling, there's no excuse. This is all on me. However you want this handled, just say the word.""The board will hold you accountable for your part in this when we get back."I pulled the coat tight, walked across the mess to David, and looked down at

  • The Maid? Honey, I'm Your Husband's Boss   5

    Marcus could barely speak. Every word sounded like a curse."Thank you, sir. I promise I'll always..."Before David could finish, I finally lifted my head.I tapped twice on the tray.The show was over.At those two taps, Marcus erupted like a volcano."Sir, why don't we have this bitch pour you a glass of..."David turned to grab me by the hair."You animal! Do you have a death wish?"Marcus roared. Unable to hold back any longer, he swung his cane hard into David's face.David screamed.All 220-plus pounds of him hit the ground, and two bloody teeth went flying.All the talking and laughing stopped.A few drops of blood spattered Sophie's face. She stood frozen for a few seconds, then rushed to David."Mr. Vaughn! Why did you hit him? You just promoted him to vice president yourself!""Vice president? I promoted him?" Marcus was so furious he was shouting. "Promoting this blind animal? Am I trying to get myself killed?"Marcus threw down his cane and walked up to me.Everyone was wat

  • The Maid? Honey, I'm Your Husband's Boss   4

    I met his eyes and slowly shook my head.Marcus had worked with my father for decades. He understood me instantly.I wanted him to play along.I wanted David to dig his own grave.Marcus steadied his trembling legs and forced a smile.He pointed his cane at the wreckage."David, you've... certainly made a big splash."David didn't hear the tremor in Marcus's voice at all. He took it as a compliment.He hurried closer, eager to take credit."Sir, the maid next door was growing some junk weeds that were really dragging down the value of the estate, so I had the whole thing flattened."Marcus closed his eyes in despair, his chest heaving, and nodded."All of it? The local police and property management didn't ask any questions?"David lowered his voice to brag. "Don't worry. The cops took $50,000 from me to keep quiet. They didn't even get out of the car."As for property management, Carl, get over here!"Carl scrambled over with an eager grin."Good to meet you, sir. The minute Mr. Mille

  • The Maid? Honey, I'm Your Husband's Boss   3

    I called the police. An officer, Sergeant Briggs, got there fast.I thought the law would teach these lunatics a lesson.David slung an arm around the sergeant's shoulders like they were old friends, said something I couldn't hear, and slipped something into his pocket.Sergeant Briggs didn't even come into the yard to look. He just talked to me through the welded gate."Ma'am, this is a dispute between neighbors. Nobody's hurt, nobody's dead. The police can't help you. Go get a lawyer."I looked at the wreckage everywhere, shaking."They destroyed tens of millions of dollars' worth of research samples, and you call that a dispute between neighbors?"The sergeant's face hardened, like I'd said something absurd."Listen, girl. Mr. Miller is about to be vice president of Vaughn Realty, and he runs this whole estate. Don't make trouble, or I'll lock you up tonight."I pulled out my ID and handed it over."Here's my ID. I'm formally asking you to open a case for malicious destruction of pr

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