DEVAN Regrets, and making bad choices went hand in hand. The house hadn't been the same since Mum had realised what she had done. She had suddenly withdrawn into her shell, barely speaking out anymore. I could barely imagine the amount of disappointment she felt at that point, but I wasn't ready to ease her agony so quickly. School was were I buried myself in now, mostly to keep myself busy, and keep the crazy thoughts away. It wasn't going to be the same anymore. Mum sat by the window side, staring blankly through the window, with a steaming hot cup of coffee in her hand. Each time I looked at her, I knew I had to help her, but it was going to be difficult. She always had a hand in everything that went wrong at home. What was a little pain compared to the series of insults that I had been forced to go through in her hands. I held unto the sides of the wheelchair I was seated in, and slowly forced an exhale out. "I see you, Devan." She said, breaking t
ELLEN The ceiling fan whirred softly, barely producing enough air to reduce the heat that enveloped the room. I turned around, trying to find a better position that suited me. BJ's snores took a higher tempo, and I could tell that he was fast asleep now. I turned to my side on the bed, again, grunting and grumbling, as the heat refused to subside. Exhaustion took the better part of me, and I forced myself to a sitting position. What had I expected from a motel as this one. This was the cheapest one I had been able to find. In fact, this was the only place I had been able to afford. Suzy wasn't back to the room yet. She had stepped out to take a call about an hour ago, and hadn't returned since then. I wondered what was taking her time. I stretched out on the bed, and stood to my feet, yawning tiredly. I couldn't sleep, and no matter what I tried, the sleep refused to come. "Ellen?" Suzy called, pushing the door opened, as she stepped in. I stood fac
DEVAN The week Matt had died had been the toughest for me. I could barely go a day without thinking of him, I had lost him and I was at fault. With Matt gone, my whole life had taken a cruel twist, turning me inside out, until I could barely breathe. I wanted to live again, I wanted to breathe. However, it was very clear that I wasn't going to be able to live anymore. My academic work suffered greatly now, as I barely paid any attention to it. This was my final year in high school, but I was sure I wasn't going to be able to graduate due to my poor grades. After his death, I had spent weeks, and months attending therapy sessions with various therapists. I couldn't cope with living any longer. However, by the time I was declared fit enough to return to school, I was eighteen and already a year behind in my school work. That afternoon as I strode through the school halls with my headphones on my ears, and music blasting fully into my ears, I knew I had to do some
ELLEN I fiddled with the brooch on my neck with an infinite number of questions on my mind. Moving into the same apartment with the same boy I had tried to evade for several weeks hadn't been part of the plan. I took off my blouse, and stood beside the window. My skin was aching to be touched, my whole body needed to feel the burning fire of a man's finger caressing it, and igniting feelings and desire that weren't meant to be quenched. I stripped myself to my bare skin, and strolled over to the bathroom with nothing on, but the cold gnawing at my skin. I sunk myself in the bathtub, in an attempt to wash off the dirt of the day. I heard the door open, but I was unperturbed. I knew who it was without being told, it was Zach. He was the only person that had the key to the apartment with an exception to me. I could perceive the stench of alcohol from where I was seated in the bathtub. He had managed to find his way to the room, and instead of going over to the be
ELLEN The noise was deafening. I plugged earmuffs into my ears in an attempt to lessen the noise, but it was almost useless. Zach's snores weren't the kind that could be stopped by earmuffs. I arose from the bed lazily, and placed a pillow on his face. I could end it now. I could put an end to all the endless beatings, and brutality. I let the pillow slip carelessly to the ground, and walked out of the room. I couldn't do that to Zach. He was my husband, and he had been crazily in love with me once. I pulled out my laptop, and began to go through my mails. I had attempted publishing a book, but I hadn't found the right publishing firm. I had faced several rejections from many of the top firms. As I glanced through my mails, I couldn't hope, because I knew it wasn't needful. There was no message of importance, they were all just rejection and rejection again. I couldn't be more bothered. The last firm had said the book contained "excessive controversies, a
DEVAN It was my mind playing tricks on me for the umpteenth time that day. I couldn't explain what I was feeling at that moment. Was it the lacy, black, revealing gown that she had put on that suddenly ignited the embers in my chest? Or her shiny black eyes that never seemed to quench? "Shut the door, Devan." Mum screamed jolting me back to reality. I had gone off already, my thoughts and fictitious images had flown beyond the thinkable. All eyes were on me now, as I shut the door in embarrassment, and searched for a place to my head in shame. I could feel Ms. Ellen's eyes follow me around the room until I found a secure spot to bury my head. "Forgive his insolence, he has a very imaginative mind. Did I tell you he was an avid artist? Well, he is, a gifted one at that." "You never told me this before, Julia." Ms. Ellen responded calling Mum by her first name. None of us dared call her that, but here was Ms. Ellen doing exactly what Mum detested s
DEVAN The next day came with the unexpected. It was announced that my school had organised a two days trip to a self improvement facility, meant for the final year High school students, in order to groom us for life after school. It was a yearly routine held by the school in honour of its soon exiting students. There were talks about it being extremely boring, and not being fun in any way. Frankly speaking, this hadn't been one of the events I had looked forward to, considering all the rumours I had heard about it. However, when the list of teachers who were to go along with us was being read out, and Ms. Ellen's name was read, I felt my heart jump in excitement. The trip was finally worth the try. I didn't have to necessarily silence the noise with my earphones. I could just sit quietly, and gaze at her, inhaling each air she took in, and slowly getting lost in her own world. I could barely keep my excitement to myself, as I hurried home. All I needed to do
DEVAN The next day was filled with tears, and so many emotions. The results of our previously written tests had been released, and as expected I had failed my test again. However, this time something wasn't just right, it seemed like I was the only one who had failed it, which wasn't normal. I was very much aware that I didn't take my studies as seriously as I should, but of course there were still a few people here and there that I was very much better than. I crumbled the paper in anguish, and dumped it in my bag. It was Ms. Ellen's subject, and there was only one reason why she would decide to fail me, and give the others a pass. I plugged my head set in, and hurried over to the bathroom. I wasn't sure why she had given me an F, for a test I very well knew I was supposed to pass, even without excessive study. I wasn't a very good student, but I could be described as an average one. I opened the door to the bathroom, and there they were. The very humans that