The Offer: Love Me - Hate Me

Danielle - 7 years ago

I am in heaven.

I am officially in heaven.

Sighing, I watch Giovanni sleep. He is lying on his front, making me envy the pillow he is hugging with his muscular arms. The sun rays kiss his gorgeous face and his long black locks are sprawled over his face.

I move my hand cautiously, caressing his locks out of his face, tracing his cheek with my fingers softly.

‘Maybe I died,’ I think, making me pull back my hand.

This isn’t possible. But the feeling of his lips on my skin, the heat of his body, and the amazing soreness I feel between my legs is more than real.

This makes me realise that I didn’t in fact die of an overdose, but he is really lying in my bed.

The man I had dreamed of an endless number of times, is really lying in my bed.

I do a few kicks out of joy, scre aming into my blanket as I feel the happiest.

I can’t remember the exact time I fell in love with him, as he has always been around. In fact, imagining my life without Giovanni in it would be totally impossible.

Not that it is all that cutie patootie you might be imagining. My massive crush on the guy is certainly not reciprocated. He is always pretty gloomy towards me. Not that he doesn’t have it in him. I see him flirting with other girls often, and he can smile.

And God, his smile is something else.

But the only expression he has for me is a disparaging frown. I think that the only reason why he spends time with a cockroach like me is that my father was his mentor, and he absolutely loves my father. So, he kind of took it pretty seriously as he told him to look after me.

And ended up bossing me around, and simultaneously acting like my annoying yet sexy bodyguard.

As I started abusing, also to cope with my brother’s beatings, not even Giovanni knew about, he got furious. But as he was working as a dealer, he got me to buy only from him. Even if he never asked for the cash. In a few years, I must have accumulated a six-figure debt. And I have always hoped that he would claim that one in nature. Like I proposed to him several times already.

Also, he always shot me my dose himself, and it became a dirty fantasy of mine. Picturing him watching me get high before claiming what is his.

Yesterday was finally the night. Something was strange, but I offered him the option again. He even took a shot with me, and as the drug was slowly taking over our senses, I got him to pull me closer, claiming my lips with his.

My fingers touch my swollen lips automatically, the sensation of him still lingering on them.

Maybe now everything will be different. My heart beats faster in my chest thinking about him opening his eyes.

He will smile at me and finally tell me that he loves me.

That it was all some act because he was too scared to talk about his true emotions.

I am still smiling like I just found out that I hit the lottery jackpot as I raise my gaze, looking straight into his icy eyes.

Oh, no.

He looks at me with a disgusted expression, making my happy expression fall immediately.

“Why are you smiling like an idiot?” He asks calmly, his raspy morning voice making my skin sizzle.

I pull my blanket up to cover myself up to my nose, feeling uncomfortably exposed.

“I wasn’t,” I answer, feeling crestfallen.

He groans as he sits up, driving his hand through his hair. “Damn, I fucked up.” He whispers more to himself, breaking my heart.

“What do you mean?” I ask feebly, regretting my question the moment it leaves my lips.

He glares at me, and I have to keep myself from whimpering. “Are you dense? We fucked while being stoned, Danielle. You have to be kidding me.”

The sensation he left on my skin that was tingling on my skin morphs into a painful stinging, making me realise that nothing has changed.

Because this isn’t some fairy tale.

Clasping my blankets, I try to breathe calmly to hide my painful heartbreak.

I act as if it wouldn't bother me to save me from seeming too desperate.

“Don’t worry.” I try to say lowly, looking up at him. “I won’t tell anyone.”

Clicking his tongue, he turns to look at me with an absolutely destructing look. “What would I care who you tell anything to? Like you can delete my memory! Fuck!”

“It… It wasn’t that bad…” My pride speaks too fast as he gets up and starts dressing himself and loses its confidence even faster as it adds, “Was it?”

He chuckles as he lets his arms slump against his thighs after having raised them. “Are you really asking me such a thing? Like for real?”

“So-… Sorry.” I whisper, clasping my blanket to my chest. “I thought…”

“You thought what? Huh, Danielle? That I would fucking marry you now?” His mocking laugh is the final kick my heart needed to be able to shatter entirely. “God, you are just a little spoiled girl.”

My brain screams bloody murder, but my lips don’t seem to be able to move. I hate how weak I feel as he pulls on his last piece of clothing.

And leaves the room, without even sparing me a last glance.

Could have thought that I wasn’t worth an ‘I love you’.