After my countless tosses and turns, I finally decide to make my way downstairs to see who's disturbing my peaceful sleep. The whole point of summer is that I don't have to worry about waking up early.
"Dad!" I shout when the excruciatingly loud noise gets louder as I get closer. What is he doing?
"In here Hunny," he shouts back and I finally reach the garage where my darling father and my dear friend and neighbor, Cody seem to be welding onto a metal case, seemingly trying to open it.
Could this seriously not have waited until everyone's stopped dreaming?
"What are you guys doing?" I ask rhetorically as I put the palm of my hands against my ears to block out the noise.
"This was Cody's dad's sweetheart. He found it in the basement and we just want to see what's inside," he answers clearly not getting the question behind the question I was asking, or rather the meaning behind it.
"Dad, this is really loud. Could it not wait until a bit later on?" I decide to stop speaking in riddles and that seems to work because he switches off the machine then says,
"I'm sorry sweetheart. Didn't even realize it was still so early." He says now looking at his watch. I get that, Dad wakes up early. Too early.
"What time's Ezra picking you up?" He asks and I ignore the exaggerated eye roll from Cody. I'm not in the mood for his judgment.
"He should be here in, Oh sh..."
"Watch it!"
"He should've been here 30 minutes ago. He must be running late, I know he's got practice. I'm gonna go get ready now." I say already running back into the house to shower.
He's got a big game later today.
Usually when that happens he picks me up in the morning after practice. We drive to the stadium together and then he leaves me in the VIP section where Michaela comes and joins me later, as well as the rest of the VIP people.
Michaela is one of his teammates' wives and one of the very few people who know about us. She's about 15 years older than me but doesn't look it at all, she's stunning.
We didn't even have to tell her anything, she said she could tell by the way we acted around each other. Like all we wanted was to be around one another but we couldn't. Of course she keeps our secret. She still doesn't understand why it's a secret to start with but she respects us nonetheless.
It's now a week since Bruno's party and things are back to being great with us. We'd fought and fought until we forgot what we were even fighting about and then made up. That happens a lot with us.
I finish getting ready in no time and then I wait. He's never late to pick me up when he's got a game, mostly because he has to work around a schedule so it's extremely weird that he's not here yet.
"Bun-bun!" I hear my dad call from downstairs, clearly to tell me he's here.
I jump off the bed, take my bag then go downstairs to see dad still in his night robe and a coffee mug in hand.
"Where is he?"
He usually comes in and waits with him while I get ready.
"There's a car outside waiting for you," he says wiggling his eyebrows and I internally scream. Ew.
I find it odd that he didn't come out to even say hi to dad but I don't waste a second thinking about it. I know he's probably running late so,
"Thanks, dad. I love you" I say then kiss him on the cheek as I make my way out.
I step outside to see an all-black Land Rover I've never seen before waiting. I hesitate a bit before I get closer to it and then the driver's door opens making me jump slightly.
"Hey, pretty one. Are you ready to go?" A bearded, chubby fellow asks and I feel my heart calm down.
"I'll go to the end of the world with you Mickey." I respond to him with a smile as he opens the back door for me to get in.
My heart breaks a little that he sent his driver to come to pick me up and not him. Mickey is beyond great but I would rather have him with me right now, so I can give him my calming words before the game. He always says seeing me is his good luck charm.
"I see you got a new car." I say to the man as we continue on our journey. They've seemingly upgraded from a smaller Land Rover to a much bigger and darker one. Ezra is getting more and more famous every day and I guess they wanted something a little more private and intimidating.
"Yea. He's always wanted this one." He says.
I pick up the flowers that are placed next to my seat with a box of chocolates and a teddy bear. I take out the note that reads,
'My darling Alex,
We've got to do press today before the game and that messed up my schedule a bit. I hope you can forgive me for not being there right now to pick you up. I sent you this teddy bear to cuddle you and protect you until I'm able to.
Love you always and forever,
Ez'
I smile.
He definitely knows how to make my heart skip a beat.
Mickey looks at me knowingly through the rear-view mirror making me smile wider. He knows probably more than anyone else what Ezra and I have. He gets it.
Everyone else secretly judges and I can always see it through their eyes. They judge Ezra for wanting to keep me a secret and they judge me for taking it.
I don't care. They'll just never get it and that's fine.
We're soon at the incredibly big stadium where the game will be taking place. The gates are still closed but they let us in once they see it's Mickey. We drive down to the private car park and Mickey opens the door for me to come out. He's always insisted to be chivalrous despite my not wanting him to. I can open my own door. He says that's just how he was raised and eventually I gave up trying to change him.
He's going to be an amazing husband to a very lucky lady one day.
He then tells me to enjoy the game as I make my way to the private basement elevator.
"I will Mickey you too."
I get on the elevator, then press the button to get to the highest level.
It's always so quiet when I get here. People are running around cleaning and getting ready for the game later that day.
Everyone's already used to seeing me but I know they still wonder who I am. The VIP is for the wives and girlfriends of the players, as well as incredibly wealthy people.
Although, most of the wives and girlfriends prefer to be down by the field cheering on their significant others. I would prefer that too honestly, but I can't.
I know Michaela sits up here as well because she doesn't want me to be by myself even though she claims it's because there's always a lot going on by the field. So she's the only known significant other of one of the players who sit by the VIP, everyone else is usually on the sidelines of the field.
But basically, not just anyone can have access to the VIP section. So everyone stares at me but they don't ask any questions. I appreciate that.
"Hi. Alex Brown for the Eagles." I say to the nicely dressed gentleman behind the counter once I reach where I'm going. He smiles then opens the door for me to get through.
It's empty.
There's about 5 hours left still for the match to start.
All the other teammates are probably with their significant others right now. They let them see them before the game, I'm guessing to get them in a happy mood.
I walk closer to the big glass window overlooking the stadium and then sigh. I hate this part.
It sucks that I can't be down there with him right now. It sucks that if I go to the players' section, no one will know who I am and he'll probably act like he doesn't know me too.
He always says he needs me to understand, and I do, I guess. But it still hurts.
So I sit just letting my thoughts run wild for almost an hour before I finally let my tears go. I stare at nothing and make no attempt to dry my cheeks. I know my face is probably a mess right now from the mixture of my light makeup and tears but I don't let myself worry about that. I still have a lot of hours left so I'll redo my face later.
I continue to sit now watching cartoons playing on a big screen in a corner when,
"Hey," I hear a voice sound gently.
I turn around to face the boy who brings me so much light and darkness at the same time and I force a smile.
His face is soft because he knows I'm not happy.
"You look great," he then compliments and I mouth him a 'thank you.'
I probably don't really look great at all right now. I feel exhausted from waiting and I probably have tear stains on my cheeks.
He's wearing his team's track pants and a plain white shirt, and he's standing at a distance because there are cameras in the VIP. I mentally facepalm myself when I remember I had a breakdown earlier that whoever's monitoring the cameras has now seen.
"I'm sorry." He mouths back to me now putting his hands in his pockets. "I know." I mouth back.
Now that I'm looking at him, I know that he feels what I feel. I know that he wants more than anything to run to me and kiss me like the world was ending. I can see his body craving my proximity and touch.
I give him a genuine smile and say, "You're gonna kill it today." He always does. He's the best player on the team and he knows that but he gives me a genuine smile right back then says, "You think so?" Like I just made the world's wildest prediction.
One of the many things I love about Ezra is how humble he is.
I nod slightly making him blush.
'I love you.' He mouthes to me and I mouth to him that I love him too before he turns around to leave just when the cleaning ladies enter the VIP, I'm guessing to make final checks before the game starts.
I go to the bathroom to get myself together and then head back to the VIP with my head held high and a new fresh frame of mind.
My man's going to kill it today.
"What did I do now?"We do this thing where we joke around with each other, this is to ignore the tension that still exists with us.We walk around acting like everything's cool and I guess it is, to an extent but there's clearly stuff that was left unsaid with us. For way too long.That is why,"I just wanted us to talk - to clear the air."If I'm serious then we won't waste time joking around.I want to do more than just 'clear the air'. It's been years and we still haven't really talked about what happened.He takes a seat across from me and then,"Yeah sure."His tone gets a bit serious and that allows me to continue."Where's Bruno?"I don't see him around anymore, for years actually. I know they'd remained friends after we broke up, for a while. I'm not sure what happened with them but clearly something did happen because wherever there was Ezra, Bruno was somewhere around. Never one without the other."I don't know."He says simply.His face is void of emotion, like that was n
"He was going through stuff Alex, he's done nothing but try to prove himself since.""I'm sorry, we're talking about the same guy whose actions had us not speaking to each other for two years right?"It's beyond me how she's still on his side after what he did."Alex, he made a mistake. Ok maybe a few but who hasn't? You can never question the fact that this man loves you."I mean I've never questioned it, but love is simply not enough now is it?"I don't know if I'll ever look at him the same again."Yes it's been years, but even though the heart forgives, the mind doesn't forget."You'll never truly know unless you give him another chance."For the umpteenth time, I decide to shrug her comments away. Liz doesn't understand. It's easy to tell someone to forgive and forget but it's different when you're the one having to forgive.Because of this man, I have walls up so high that people can hardly climb them. Because of this man, I have trust issues.So no, it won't be that easy.And y
"Let's see. There was Leo, Martin, Dean, and LorenzoI went out with Lorenzo two times though, he was good company. Oh and Dean was cute, he got me a bracelet that I gave to Josh to give to his crush at school.I still don't know how you'd feel about my telling you all this"It's still very weird but I like to imagine this being the relationship I would've had with her if she was still alive. A relationship where I can tell her anything and everything, including who I've slept with.She would cringe but still appreciate my openness."Oh and then there was Grant. He was a little bit, maybe a lot older than me but he really took care of me, for that week at least."That was before I found out he was married with two kids, I'm not going to tell mom that."I'm slowing down a bit now. It was fun."It really was. For the past four years, I've not been 'falling in love' with other people but myself.I'd realized that beyond the two people I was with, I had no other experiences of dating wha
I haven't seen Ezra since the game about a month ago, he'd been blowing up my phone but I made it clear I want nothing to do with him. I'd tried building a friendship with him but I can't be friends with people who take me for granted.I certainly didn't invite him to come and spend Thanksgiving with us and I almost ask who invited him but,"Honey, I hope you don't mind that I invited Ezra." This man is clearly wanting to drive me crazy. Of course I mind.Ezra has been nothing but a distraction throughout my life and I don't need that, not anymore at least. I need to rid myself of him and his toxic energy.I know dad knows I'm not cool with him anymore because he hasn't come to visit in a while, also I act deaf whenever he starts asking about him. So clearly he's trying to fish something by not only inviting him, but Cody too. "Hi Cody,"I decide to only acknowledge the other boy. He's usually quiet when he's irritated, I'd learned it was to keep his anger at bay, so as to not do
"Dad stop it. You're making me cry."I say wiping the next tear that falls on my cheek."I just want to say sweetheart, that it took a really long time. It took us years before we could finally land where we are. And it's the best place we've ever been in a very long time."It's the best place we've been since mom's death. It's like we were just lost souls trying to find ourselves in a world we never imagined to live without mom in it and we were just winging it.For years.But now?"Ok ok dad! Which one are you gonna go with?" I ask looking at the breathtaking pieces of silver and gold bands."I don't know Hunny, when I proposed to your mom I didn't have a lot of money so I didn't have to go through this. I just went for the cheapest ring I could find." He says earning laughs from the jeweler and myself.It sounds unromantic but I know what was on dad's mind was the prospect of spending the rest of his life with the woman he was madly in love with. Nothing else mattered in that momen
This is the first time I'm seeing Josh cry since well - ever. They've got his face on the big screen with the words, 'Hi Josh, this game is dedicated to you.' and it's left on there throughout the game.I might have told Ezra Josh's story.In all honesty, it was in effort to motivate him to get us the tickets but never in a million years would I have ever thought he would do something like this.I hold on to Josh so tight as he sobs on my shoulder silently and I try really hard to keep my own sobs at bay. I need to be strong for the both of us.It's not at all hard to explain, this is an 8-year-old boy who not too long ago lost everything, literally. He became an orphan and lost his arm all in one night, but never have I seen him shed a tear at his tragedy, not once.That easily makes him the strongest person that I know.So finally seeing him balling his eyes out for seeing a picture of himself on a screen in the middle of the field at his favorite football club's game, and having th