Chapter 12: A Fantasy

"I'm an idiot," I moaned, my voice muffled due to the pillow I'd placed over my head. Oh how quickly my feelings had shifted, my anxiety picking apart every strand of joy I felt and replacing it with dread.

"No, you're not," Zach told me, his back against his pillows meanwhile I was flopped over the end of his bed, having what could only be described as a breakdown.

"Yes, I am." I wasn't going to accept what Zach was telling me. I was too stubborn and I knew just how much I'd screwed up this time. Zach sighed. "He knows your name, so what? There's nothing he can do with it. K knows my name and I don't care. You need to chill."

I threw the pillow off me and sat up, ignoring him.

"What if he finds out who I am? What if he comes knocking at our house?" I was on the verge of a panic attack.

"Honey, how is he going to find that out with your first name? It's practically impossible." He followed my lead and sat up straighter so he can see me better, his legs folding underneath him.

I don't know!" I exclaimed, holding my hands in the air. "But you know how easy it is to find people nowadays with only a tiny bit of information."

"Yes but he's only got your name, sweetie," he stressed, sounding fed up at repeating himself. "If it was that easy, don't you think everyone would be a victim of...of fraud?"

My mouth opened and closed while I thought of a response. When I couldn't come up with one, I took a different route. "Fine but what if he gets in contact with boss-lady and tells her what I'm doing?" I didn't know which was more worrying - him telling my boss or finding out who I was.

"Lie," was his simple solution. "He knows my name Zach! That's proof enough!"

He eyed me for a moment, reading me like a book. "You know what?"

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‎I was suddenly feeling nervous. "What?"

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‎I was suddenly feeling nervous. "What?" "I think you're freaking out because of a different reason that you're not ready to face yet, so you're covering it up with these stupid fears."

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‎A needle stabbing my chest said he had hit the nail on the head but, as he mentioned, I wasn't ready to admit it yet. "What are you, a psychiatrist? You're reading too far into this," I denied immediately because apparently I was a coward like that.

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‎It was his turn to ignore me and he carried on staring. He hadn't finished analysing me yet. I felt like he was looking at me through a microscope. "You like him, don't you?" He softened when he came to his conclusion.

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‎"No," I scoffed, swallowing the lump in my throat. He'd just peeled back my outer layer and exposed my hidden emotions.

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‎He knew I was lying and his eyes turned sad. "You're freaking out because you're crushing on him but you think it's all meaningless sex to him."

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‎"It is meaningless sex to him," I responded without thinking, a ruthless hand gripping my insides. "You don't call a sex line to date the operator. That's just stupid."

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‎Zach raised his eyebrows at me. "You want to date him?"

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‎"No!" Was my immediate reaction. "I just...I..." | couldn't find the words to express myself and sighed heavily. I was feeling too emotional for this. Maybe I was coming on my period.

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‎"Sara?" Zach said quietly in a worried tone.

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‎"I think...You're right, I do like him."

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‎There, I admitted it. "And I feel completely ridiculous because I've only spoken to him twice and both times it was about getting off." Angrily, I rubbed my right eye. "I can't believe I've let myself feel something for him, so quickly, when I know nothing about him."

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‎"Sweetie..." Zach hesitated as if he doesn't know what to say.

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‎I continued, unable to stop now that the dam was broken. "There's just something about him that's drawing me in. I don't know...Maybe because he seems so generous in the bedroom. You know I've never been with a guy who's cared about my pleasure. Maybe all I feel is lust."

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‎Zach nodded. "That makes sense."

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‎"I think it could turn into more though, if I let it." I scraped my teeth over my lip. "Its just so exciting. And naughty. And he makes me feel...well, like a sexy, wanted woman with needs he's very willing to fulfil."

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‎"If you've never had it before, of course it's going to look enticing." Zach understood.

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‎"I think the problem is, I'm scared that all this is one sided and he doesn't give me a second thought whereas I think about him all day," I finished with a chuckle, embarrassed at myself.

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‎"Maybe we should head out this weekend," Zach suddenly suggested out of the blue.

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‎I frowned. "I thought you had a date with Danny?"

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‎He snorted. "Just another reason why going out and getting pissed will be a good idea. I'll probably need it after seeing him again." I let out a small laugh. "That's true." We were silent for a moment and I cleared my throat. "Hey, uh, thanks."

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‎He smiled at me which I easily return. "Its no problem," he told me before adding, "It's actually kind of nice not being the one with the guy problems."

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‎We both chuckled at that because it was true. Our laughing was quickly cut short because my phone started to ring.

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‎"Oh, I'm loved," I said jokingly as I pulled my phone out of my pocket. I looked at the caller I.D and frowned. It was our boss. My anxiety returned and dread swirled in my gut. Could she have found out?

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‎"What is it?" Zach asked, concerned.

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‎I held up the screen and gnawed at my lip.

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‎Zach eyed it before shaking his head. "She can't know. It's probably just a coincidence." It didn't reassure me much.

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