The Price of Forgiveness

I don’t need to look at my account before I tap my card.

In five years, I have spent without worry because I know it will never decline.

Friends joke that this is the privilege of being married to the richest and most powerful man in the country. It’s not.

Jacob Aster and I have never shared a bank account. My family isn’t rich either. I got a scholarship to one of the top schools in the country when I was 16 years old. That’s how I met him.

We'd been in love - I thought - truly and deeply in love. The kind of love that broke all expectations and boundaries. The kind of love I never expected to be real.

Then, 5 years ago, he proved to me it wasn't real.

I caught him at a club with another woman a few days before our wedding. I’d been furious. When we fought, he accidentally admitted to why he dated me back in high school.

He’d approached me as part of a bet. 

A bet to see how much it cost to have me.

When I’d first been accepted to Aster Academy of Excellence I had been entirely focused on earning my place there. I feared that if my grades dropped below 95%, I would lose all my funding to attend.

Due to my heavy focus on school and my poor status, I made very few friends. That never stopped the occasional boy from hitting on me.

I wasn’t against dating. However, I couldn’t let it distract me. Their wealth was their pride. So, to discourage them from bothering me more, I decided to tell them:

‘If I was going to date someone, I’d go for someone richer than you,’

I guess this finally caught the attention of Jacob and his friends who decided—as heirs of the richest families—they must be my target.

I didn’t know who they were at the time. I told them no. That I needed someone richer, and more powerful. For every word they said, I had an equally unrealistic response.

"I could buy you a car"

"I only want a helicopter."

"I can buy you a helicopter."

"No, cause I don't want to take flight lessons."

They sent Jacob as a test to see how much I’d finally sell for.

I was devastated when he admitted this. I asked why he’d agree to marry me. He’d never even asked for a prenup.

‘You want money. I want you.’

The words must have sounded special. Or maybe I was clinging to any fantasy that he would truly love me. He'd said this to absolve himself of blame - if our relationship was a transaction, why would I care that he was with someone else. He loved me. He had to love me. I wanted him to love me. I needed it.

He followed that up with ‘so how much will it take to make this go away? How much to forget this happened?’

I’d wanted to tell him nothing could make it go away. He’d promised they’d only flirted, and he’d danced with her but always in the public eye. Still, the heartbreak from finding him, and from finding out the truth of why we’d gotten together, was too much.

I’d told him, “one hundred thousand dollars.’

To me, this was an unimaginable amount of money to spend as an apology gift. But he just scoffed and sent it to me.

Morally – I’d wanted to send the money back. To tell him that I really wasn’t for sale.

Economically – my family had always been in debt. A hundred thousand would cut a good chunk of that debt. It would make it manageable. We could pay the rest off in just a few years.

And besides…. I did really love him. And I was desperate to believe he loved me too. I was desperate to believe my memories were more than joke and fantasy.

So I accepted the money and married him.

And then two months later he sent another hundred thousand.

And then another a week after that.

2 days later he did it again, so I finally asked him why.

He’d said, ‘Isn’t that the rate for me having female friends? Why are you just asking now?’

I hadn’t responded. I was paralyzed, trying to translate those words without fully understanding them.

Was he calling me petty? Did he mean he’d spent time with another girl and that he assumed I’d be too jealous and he’d have to pay me?

Or was he telling me….

Did he believe I didn’t mind him being with other women so long as he paid me?

In hindsight, I should’ve confronted this head on. But I’d chosen to be optimistic. To believe this was nothing. I was too afraid to hear the truth. I was too proud to admit that I had been so wrong. To accept that for whatever reason, I wasn’t worth his love.

The money stopped again and he returned to our bedroom for a while. Then, after going missing for about a week, he sent more. And more… and more.

Nearly a million dollars in a week.

When he came home, I trembled as I asked where he’d been. I had tried my best to act calm. To be tough. To brace for the answer. He’d said he was away for work.

When I asked about the money, he said he’d been gambling, and had the money sent directly to me. How do you consistently win one hundred thousand dollars gambling?

After a year and a half of marriage, I stopped looking at my bank account. It had money in it. I hated seeing how much. Because each deposit was a knife to my stomach and to my heart. But my card hadn’t declined yet.

There was a point, just last year, where I had started trying desperately to zero out my account. But it was impossible. No matter what I did, the card never declined. And my heart never rested.

Today, after buying lunch for some of my friends, and listening to them gush over how lucky I was, I went to Pilates and then to the spa, as was my normal Thursday afternoon routine.

I was a regular at this spa. It was owned by one of Jacob's subsidiaries. When I'd first come, the attention I'd gotten because of the name Jacob had reserved me under - Casandra Aster - made me very uncomfortable. So over the past 6 years, I started attending with my maiden name - Burton. 

On my way from the small in-spa cafe and back towards the main waiting hall, I turned the corner and heard a woman say my husband's name.

One of the members of staff was beaming from ear to ear as she quietly sighed, “I wish I had a husband like that.”

“What did he say on the phone?” The other girl asked as she folded towels.

The first girl straightened her shoulders and deepened her voice to impersonate Jacob, “my wife is coming in today. Price isn’t a factor. I want you to give her everything. If you can only offer one service that day, offer it to her and I will pay you triple the price,” she brought her voice back to normal, “he was so adamant. Imagine having a husband like Jacob Aster.”

How did he know I was here? I thought to myself. A small smile pulled at my lips as I turned back towards the main room. I always did this on Thursday. I guess it wasn’t that hard to find out.

I was lost in thought smiling to myself when I bumped into someone.

“I’m sorry,” I think I gasped at the same time as another girl. She was a little shorter than me but had the same type of hair and the same build as me. The girl beside her was taller than us both by a little.

“Watch where you’re going,” the taller girl snapped at me.

I was a bit baffled by the tone but the shorter girl held out her hand to stop her.

“I’m sorry about her. She’s been a little stressed lately.” The shorter girl smiled apologetically.

I was about to tell her it was alright but someone interrupted us.

“Miss. Monroue?” One of the front desk girls walked up to us with a soft voice and smile.

“Yes, that’s me. Coral Monroue.” The shorter girl smiled. “Thank you so much for fitting us in last minute. I know you’re so exclusive”

I turned to take a seat in one of the small white couches, but stopped when I noticed the time. I took one last sip of my tea and put it on the small table.

I knew the routine. I would be called next, and there was no point in sitting. 

The desk girl glanced at me and the taller girl, her smile faltering a little. “Are these guests… with you?”

“Only my friend, Tianna.” Coral Monroue clung to the taller girl’s arm. The taller girl shot me a snide smirk before greeting the lady. Coral shot me a dismissive glance as she casually said, “we don’t know who she is.”

“Miss. Monroue, I’m sorry. We tried to explain on the phone earlier. We can’t accommodate an extra person right now. We did everything in our power to fit you in on such short notice.” The lady explained.

“My husband said you could fit us in.” Coral said.

“Who’s your husband?” The lady didn’t seem convinced.

Coral set back her chest and lifted her chin with pride, loudly announcing, “Jacob Aster.”