I Have To

We were able to get out of the packhouse unseen.

Hand in hand we walk to the waiting Rolls Royce. Like a true gentleman, Jasper holds the door open for me before getting behind the wheel. Once we're on our way, he takes my hand in his again, kisses the backside, still looking straight ahead.

                 'Did you have a good time today, Rain? I think we're a bit short-handed to get the pack's finances in order. And I know you excel at business administration,' he says. "Can you spare some time to help us out? I know you do a lot of cooking and training with my mother. But I need you closer to me." His words warm my heart and for a moment I doubt whether my departure is the right decision. Jasper says he needs me, maybe I should focus more on my relationship with my mate than listening to small talk.

               

"Hmmm, let me check with Mom first. She's made a work schedule for things that need to be done in the pack," I informed him. "I'd like to spend more time with you too," I reply softly as I lean in and kiss his ear. A smile crosses his face. "Then we have an appointment. Ask my mother if you are free to come to my office at least once a week. I prefer Wednesday, then it is less busy and I can spend more time with you." he suggests dubiously.

"Focus on me? I thought you said I'd be working on the books, Alpha," I interrupt teasingly.

                 He chuckles.

"When I'm in the office, I have so many fantasies about you and me on my desk, on the couch, against the wall...". Before he can finish his sentence, I tap him playfully on the shoulder.

"Jasper!" I exclaim. "Are you a sex maniac? We have so much sex, sometimes I don't know where you get the energy from after hours of office work". Jasper smiles and brings my hand to his lips again. "You are so seductive. Every time I see you, you are more beautiful than the last time and I want to own you again. It is something deeper than the mate pull".

               

Smiling happily, I look ahead.

Jasper is always showering me with compliments, openly expressing his love for me. We are so happy together, but I can't forget that I can't give him the most crucial thing in his life; an heir. I take a deep breath and slowly release it. Thinking carefully and making the right decision is now of vital importance. Above all, I cannot be selfish and claim his love without fulfilling his need.

I look sideways at him, my manly and attractive mate. He could so easily find another woman who would gratefully give him all he needed.

                Just the thought of another in his bed and arms almost suffocates me. Still I can't be selfish, I remind myself again.

We arrive at an exquisite riverside restaurant.

As the festival is in progress, only a few unmated wolves and an elderly couple are present. Jasper holds my elbow and leads me to a table overlooking the water. My mouth falls open when I scan the setup. It looks like Valentine's Day, everything is set in red, our table is in the middle and beautifully decorated. The lights are dimmed, creating a romantic ambiance. I’m sure this is Jasper’s doing, he had this made up so beautifully, especially for me.

"Do you like it, Rain?" Jasper asks softly. I turn to him, my eyes sparkling with joy.

"Thank you, Jasper. You don't know what this means to me on this day. I feel less guilty now that you had to leave the festival to be with me."

               

Immediately his face turns serious.

“It's not a sacrifice at all, Rain. I feel guilty for spending so little time with you," he confesses. "The pack business takes up almost all of my attention. Sometimes I think I'm neglecting you. But today I'm spending quality time with my mate. I've missed you so much." I lean against his shoulders as we walk further to the table. Jasper holds my chair out for me and when he sits down opposite me, we look into each other's eyes.

"What do you want to eat? The chef is ready to prepare anything you want. But I know you love the French steak and the Italian Lasagna, so I ordered those in advance," says my mate. Together we decide to add some meat dishes and another bottle of the best red wine. The cool breeze blowing in our direction from the river completes the whole atmosphere on the terrace.

 Jasper and I reminisce about the start of our mating when we discovered each other as destined mates and the unforgettable Luna ceremony attended by all the leaders of the surrounding packs. How happy we were then and full of plans for the future.

A shadow falls over my face as I recall our conversations about having pups.

Jasper wanted five, at least one boy who could take over the pack when the time came. The other four, for his part, could be girls, copies of their mother, so he would have not only a queen in the house but some princesses as well. He sounded so dreamy when we talked about it back then.

 Three years later we are sitting here on the terrace and the first pup is still nowhere to be seen. And I don't dare to go to the gynecologist for an examination, the confirmation of my infertility could be unpalatable for me. So I put it off as long as I can.

I look up at Jasper and scan his face for any clue that he remembers our talk about pups. But all I can read in his eyes is the love he has for me. I sigh happily. "Moon Goddess, why? Why me? I would do anything to make this man happy. All he needs is a puppy, at least one,' I pray to myself.

                When we're done, we walk to the railing of the terrace. Jasper takes me from behind and holds me in his arms as we look out over the mirror-smooth river.

Life without him will be difficult, but my decision is made.

I love this man too much to be a burden to him, I have to go...