Chapter 38- I’m A Murderer Now

Sonia’s feet felt like lead, every step a reminder of the body she’d left behind. Her mind couldn’t shut out the image, his eyes wide with surprise, the way he’d fallen so suddenly, like a puppet with its strings cut.

Her chest ached. She’d never imagined she’d be capable of ending a life. She’d trained for moments like this, trained to wear her brother’s face and his strength, but the reality was different. It was heavier and messier.

She stumbled, and Eric caught her with both hands, steadying her. His eyes found hers, dark and worried. “Sonia,” he whispered, voice low, raw. “Hey… breathe.”

She tried. Her breath came in ragged gasps, her vision swimming. “I… I killed him,” she choked out. “Eric, I killed him.”

His hands were on her face, warm and grounding, thumbs brushing her damp cheeks. “You had no choice,” he said, his voice gentle but fierce. “He would have killed you. He would have killed me. You did what you had to do.”

Her eyes darted away, shame burrowing deep. “That doesn’t make it easier,” she whispered, her voice cracking. “It doesn’t make me feel any less… less…”

“Less what?” he pressed, his thumbs pressing lightly on her cheeks like he could wipe away the guilt.

She swallowed hard, tears slipping free. “Less like a monster,” she admitted, her voice so small she barely recognized it. “I keep putting on Silas’s blazer, telling their lies… I don’t even know where he ends and I begin anymore.”

Eric closed his eyes briefly, as if it hurt him to hear. “You’re not a monster,” he said, opening his eyes, locking them with hers. “You’re a fighter. A survivor. And you’re the bravest person I know.”

She shook her head, tears dripping onto the grimy floor. “I feel like I’m losing myself,” she whispered, her voice trembling. “Every time I lie, every time I pull that trigger… it’s like another piece of me dies.”

Eric leaned his forehead against hers, his breath warm and shaky. “You’re still here,” he murmured. “I see you, Sonia. I see the girl who took my breath away the first time she walked into Daxton, wearing that ridiculous uniform and holding her head high. The girl who fights for her brother and for me. I see her.”

A soft sob escaped her lips, and she clutched at his shirt like it was the only thing keeping her grounded. “But what if I can’t come back from this?” she whispered. “What if this is who I am now—someone who kills and lies and hides behind Silas’s face?”

Eric’s hands cradled her head, his fingers tangling in her hair. “Then let me help you find your way back,” he whispered fiercely. “You don’t have to do this alone.”

Her tears came harder now, but they felt different—like a release rather than a prison. She pulled back just enough to look at him, his eyes rimmed red, his jaw tight. “Promise me,” she said, her voice breaking. “Promise me that when all of this is over—when the Cartel’s gone and the academy’s secrets are out—that you and I… that we’ll still be standing. That I’ll still be me. That you’ll still be you.”

Eric’s breath hitched, and his arms came around her like a shield. “I promise, I'm not giving up on you no matter what."

She let out a small, broken laugh..a laugh that felt like hope. She reached up and cupped his cheek, feeling the scratch of stubble beneath her fingertips. Then, with a trembling breath, she kissed him. It was soft at first, a question more than a statement, but he answered her with a kiss that was strong and sure, his hands tightening around her like he’d never let her go.

When they finally pulled apart, they were both breathing hard, foreheads pressed together, hearts beating like drums.

Eric looked down the hall, the file still clutched in his hand. “We need to move,” he said, his voice low but steady. “They’ll come looking.”

Sonia nodded, her tears drying on her cheeks. She still felt fragile, but his words had wrapped around her like armor.