Chapter 4

Nathaniel 

It was the fourth day she had left.

I woke up with Serena’s arm clamped around my chest, her face mashed into my shoulder like she was trying to crawl inside my skin. Her breathing was too loud. I had never gotten used to it. Evie slept quietly, a soft rhythm you could barely hear. 

I peeled her arm off gently. She made a small sound but didn’t wake. I slid out of bed and stood there for a second, looking at her, still pale and fragile, I never asked her what had happened to her in the past three years that made her disappear. But here she was, in flash and blood. Oh how long I have waited for a moment like this, but now that she was here, it still feels like something was missing.

The hallway outside the master suite was so quiet it hummed. I walked down it, my bare feet cold on the floor. I stopped at the guest room door. 

I hadn’t gone in since she left.

I pushed it open.

It was clean. All the clothes I had bought her were well arranged. The dresses, the cashmere sweaters, the stupid little designer shoes she had wobbled in when we went out, they were all still there. 

She had left the whole thing. She had only taken the jeans and sweatshirt she had worn three years ago. How the fuck did I mess up this badly? I should have kept those documents, she shouldn’t have seen them.

I stood there in the doorway, staring. My heart was beating too fast. This wasn’t her being emotional. This was her erasing herself from the life I had built for her. I thought this wouldn’t be a problem for me, yet I felt restless.

I shut the door and retreated. 

I went to my study. The ring was still in the middle of my desk, right where she had left it. I never asked her the kind of ring she liked, I only got this based on Serena's preference. The ring was so cold. I remembered putting it on her finger. The way her hand had trembled. The way she had looked at me, covering her mouth so she wouldn’t scream from the overflowing happiness. 

Now it was just a cold rock in my hand. I put it in my pocket.

I got dressed. I went to work.

~~~

My office was on the sixty-third floor. Wall-to-wall glass. The city spread out below like a toy set. I sat behind my desk and tried to read an investment proposal.

“Where do you look for a woman who doesn’t exist?”

 I asked no one in particular.

She had no last name. No social security number. No credit history. No family. I’d made sure of that. 

The door opened. Sebastian, my friend, walked in. He’d been in Tokyo closing a deal. He looked tired, but he grinned when he saw me.

“Well, look who’s still among the living,” he said. He came over and slapped the desk. “Miss me?”

“Tokyo was fine,” I said.

“I bet.” He leaned against the desk, his smile fading. “So I get off a fourteen-hour flight, check my messages, and what do I find? You’ve managed to throw away the only decent thing in your life in the three weeks I was gone. Impressive, even for you.”

My jaw tightened. “I didn’t throw her away. She left.”

“Because you brought your zombie ex-girlfriend home and moved her into the bedroom,” he said flatly. “Yeah, I got the highlights from Maria. The housekeeper is pissed at you, by the way. She liked Evie.”

“She was jealous,” I said. “She couldn’t handle that Serena needed me.”

Sebastian stared at me. “Jealous,” he repeated. “Of the woman you used her to replace? Damien, she found the file. The ‘Project Serena’ file. You built her like a doll. You dressed her up in another woman’s face. And you’re surprised she didn’t stick around to watch you reunite with the original?”

“I kept her safe for three years,” I snapped. “I gave her a home. A fucking life.”

“You took advantage of a traumatised woman for three years,” he shot back. His voice was low and steady. “I told you to take her to the police when you found her. I told you to find her real family. But you were too busy. You made her your pet project.”

I stood up, my chair screeching back. “She had nothing. No money, no ID, no friends. Where the hell could she go? She’s out there alone because of a misunderstanding.”

“Maybe she had friends you didn’t know about,” Sebastian said. He didn’t move from the desk. “Maybe she had a whole person inside her you never bothered to see. You were so busy looking at her face and seeing someone else, you probably missed her entirely.”

The truth of it hit me like a punch to the gut. I looked away, out the window. The city was blurry.

“Are you going to help me or just stand there making it worse?” I asked, my voice rough.

He was quiet for a long time. Then he said, “Ask yourself why you’re looking, Damien. Are you trying to save her? Or are you trying to save yourself from what you did?”

He pushed off the desk and walked out. The door clicked shut softly behind him.

I stood there alone. The silence in the office was heavy. I put my hand in my pocket and felt the ring. Still cold.

~~~

That night, the penthouse was quiet when I returned.

Serena was curled on the living room sofa, wrapped in one of the cashmere blankets. The TV was on. It was that black-and-white French film Evie loved. The one with subtitles.

Serena’s eyes were fixed on the screen. A single tear traced down her cheek. She didn’t wipe it away.

“This was her favourite, wasn’t it?” she said softly, not looking at me.

I didn’t answer.

“I wanted to watch it,” she whispered. “I wanted to understand what she liked. What made her special to you?” Finally, she turned her head. Her eyes were huge and wet. “I can see you miss her. Even though you try to hide it.”

A wave of revulsion hit me so hard I almost took a step back. 

“Don’t,” I said. The word came out harshly.

She flinched as I’d hit her. Her lip trembled. “I’m sorry. I just… I feel like I broke your favourite toy.” And then the tears came.

I went to the sofa and sat down. I pulled her into my arms because that’s what you do. She cried into my shirt, her body shaking. I held her. I patted her back.

“You didn’t break anything,” I said, my voice hollow.

She just cried harder.

~~~

Around two in the morning, I gave up on sleep. I slipped out of bed. Serena sighed in her sleep but didn’t wake.

I went to my study, closed the door, and poured myself a whiskey. I didn’t turn on the main light, just the small lamp on the desk. The city glittered outside, a million little lights. Somewhere out there, she was under those same lights.

Sebastian’s voice was in my head. Are you trying to save her? Or save yourself?

I saw her face in the elevator again.

The door opened. Serena stood there, backlit by the hallway light. She was swimming in one of Evie’s robes. Her hair was messy from sleep.

“I had a nightmare,” she whispered. Her voice was thin, scared. “I was looking for you. I couldn’t find you.”

“I’m right here,” I said.

She padded into the room. She looked at the glass in my hand, then at my face. Her eyes were too knowing.

“You’re thinking about her again,” she said.

I didn’t deny it. I took a drink, and the whiskey burned my throat.

She wrapped her arms around herself. She looked so small. “I can leave,” she said, her voice barely audible. “If it would make it easier for you to find her… if it would help you be happy… I can disappear again. I just want you to be happy.”

“No,” I said. The word came out too fast. I set the glass down and stood, going to her. I pulled her into my arms. She was trembling. “You’re not going anywhere. You’re home. This is your home.”

She buried her face in my chest and cried. I held her. I smelled Evie’s shampoo in her hair. She’d used it.

Over her shoulder, I looked at my phone on the desk.

My mind was clear.

I will find her. I have to.

I held Serena tighter, my hand stroking her back. With my other hand, I reached out and tapped my phone screen. It lit up. I opened my email. I drafted a new message, my thumb moving quickly.

To: Adam Security

Subject: Urgent Contract

Body: I require your full investigative and retrieval services. Discretion paramount. My office. 8 AM tomorrow. Confirm receipt.

I hit send.

I held Serena as she cried, staring at the city lights. The ring was a cold, hard lump in my pocket. The email was sent.

The hunt was starting. I will find her, no matter what.