Chapter 1

Nikki - 2,5 months later

I glance at my watch, counting the minutes until my shift ends and I can go home to check on my father. His mental health always plunges into the deep end around this time of year, when my mother left the both of us so many years ago. 

‘Twelve more minutes.’ I think as I start cleaning up the table from the costumers that just paid and left the little coffee shop I work at. It's a cute little place and I am happy I got a half decent job. 

My mind drifts back to my father as I wipe the table with a wet cloth.

He is getting more antsy with the day, almost to the point of paranoia. I wonder what goes on in his head, the fact that he doesn't want to talk about it is worrying me sick. I just need him to know he can share whatever it is he is dealing with. I'm his daughter for god's sake. 

The doorbell rings. A tall, tattooed man and a woman looking like an Arabic princess walk in.  The man smiles wide. “Nikki! What a pleasant surprise. Can you make us the usual?” 

I shake my head smiling, “Sure thing Eamon. A double espresso and a chai latte coming up!”

He always acts like he is surprised to see me, but he comes here every Mondays Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. So, it's safe to say they are no strangers to me.

I really like the cheeky man, he is always friendly and whenever a rude costumer comes along, he has my back. The woman, Cloé, is another story. She grants me only a curt nod and that's it, most of the time it is just Eamon anyway.

I make the drinks for the couple and the doorbell rings again. I spin on my heels with the drinks in my hands like a pro ballerina and my eyes land on Martijn. 

"You're late." I chastise and Martijn sends me an apologetic smile. 

"Sorry Nik, traffic was horrendous. I promise to make it up to you, just go on a date with me." 

I make a face, grossed out by the idea of him taking me on a date and place the drinks on a plate. "No, thank you. Now hurry up." I swat his ass with my tea-towel, as he squeezes himself between me and the counter. 

"Sure boss." He chuckles and darts to the back to get himself ready. 

With the coffees in one hand and a small plate of new pastries we are trying in the other, I walk over to Eamon and Cloé. 

"Here you go. We are also trying out some new things for our winter menu, let me know what you think of it." I smile politely and hand out the double espresso to Eamon and the Chai latte to Cloé. 

"Thanks Nikki!" Eamon beams and stuffs his face with one of the frosted muffins inspired by the Frozen movie. 

~~

"Dad! I'm home!" I call out through our house. 

The place is quiet and the only light that greets me is the one in the small, run-down kitchen. Great, he's not home yet. I sigh deep, silently hoping my father will be sober when he comes home. I toss my bag in the corner. 

I rummage through the cabinets and find some fusilli, tomatoes, olives and feta cheese- a simple pasta dish it is. Halfway through preparing the dish, my father comes stumbling into the kitchen. His cheeks and nose are flushed and his eyes bloodshot. 

"Sorry baby, I lost," He bumps into the door-still and holds himself up before he continues. "I lost track of time. You know your old man loves you right?" His eyes are unsure, and I know I can't remain pissed at him for long. 

"I know dad. Come on, I'll get you a glass of water." I coax him into the kitchen and safely sit him on a chair. He swings a bit but finds a stable place squeezed between the backrest and the table. 

I place a large glass of water in front of him and squeeze his forearm. "I also miss mom, we have got to fend for ourselves, and I can't have you coming home drunk during the week. We need this house, and my job just doesn't cut it. I need you to pull this load together with me." I say, disappointment thick in my voice, and I turn to my pans again. 

The kitchen is silent for a few minutes, I know my father is pondering over my words and I know he really tries. I just hate it when he falls into drinking and depression, though this year it seems worse. The desperation to get drunk is increasing each week, like it isn't just the hole in his chest that mom left there that drives him to the bottom of a bottle.

My father sighs deep, his head in his hands. I place a plate filled with food in front of him and kiss the top of his head before sitting down next to him. "Love you dad, now let's get some food in you."

We eat in silence. Whenever my father is drunk like this, I won't be getting a decent word out of him anyway. 

My mind takes me back to earlier today, when Martijn asked me out on a date for the hundredth time. I gotta give it to him, he is as persistent in asking, as I am persistent in saying no to the guy. I just can't imagine going out with him again. 

When I just started working at the coffee shop, he had asked me out and I said yes. I was new to Rotterdam, eager to make friends and see some of the better spots of the city. 

It was a massive disaster!

 He took me to Five Guys and the cinema for a horror movie. Then he wanted to split each bill and thought he had at least deserved to get laid!

I had laughed at him and walked away, taking the first possible cab home. He' s been harassing me for another date ever since. It is getting boring to be honest. He makes at least one pass at me every day, so predictable!  

My father coughs and pushes his plate away, clearly finished with eating. His bloodshot eyes find mine. "I'm sitting down a moment in the living room, letting the food rest a bit. I'll help you in a bit, okay?" He says, petting his belly. 

I hum and finish the last bits of pasta on my plate.

A minute later, soft snores rise from the living room. My father is already fast asleep from the food and the alcohol. I shake my head and quietly clean the kitchen. 

When I'm done in the kitchen, I pour myself a glass of white wine, savoring the tangy scent that rises from the glass.

My eyes drift over to my bookcase in the living room, and I pad towards it. I let my hand caress the spines of several books before I halt at the one I am currently reading. It's a dark romance with heavy smut, gory violence and a male lead so morally grey you could call it pitch black.

Love it!

I walk over to my side of the sofa, eyeing my father who is sound asleep. I should put a blanket over him. Careful not to wake him, I grab a blanket out of the basket and drape it over him. He looks so young and carefree now, just too bad the stench of alcohol has to ruin the image.

I take a blanket for myself and curl up on my side of the sofa. I let go of the day and escape into the fictional world of my book.

~~

"Girl! I haven't seen you in ages!" Jennifer, my best friend calls out and hugs me tight. 

"Jen! God, I've missed you." I kiss her cheek and squeeze her tightly before holding her at arms-length, taking a good look at her. 

She looks good, her brown curls bouncing on her shoulders, big brown eyes alert and happy, and she has finally gained some weight. "You look good Jen, really good. What have you been doing?"

"You know I went to that retreat in Sicily and then I decided I needed more time for myself and on the road. Well, I did just that and met other road trippers. They were amazing and made me feel whole and happy and worthy, I haven't struggled once." She says the latter part a bit softer, and I hug her a bit tighter. 

"I'm proud of you. Now let me get back to work, because these costumers aren't going to serve themself." I gently push my bestie towards a free table.

I dart through the coffee shop, serving different types of coffee and pastries to whoever comes to visit. It's an easy day. Jennifer's company and stories about her holiday keep me happy and content when there is a bit of down time.

When it's almost closing time Jennifer is still there. 

"What are your dinner plans? I was thinking about trying out that new Indian place on Waterstreet, reviews are promising." 

"Sounds good, I'll text dad he needs to take care of himself tonight. Do we need reservations?" I sip on my tea and glances at my friend. "Yeah, I think so. Give me a minute, I'll call them." 

Jennifer calls the restaurant and I help the last costumer of the day, an old lady with soft pink hair. She orders a caramel bomb, basically caramel in a glass with a double shot of ristretto and finished with whipped cream and caramel fudges. What a woman. 

"Nik, I got us a table at seven thirty." Jennifer says, silently chuckling at the old lady with her super deluxe coffee. "Cool, we can do drinks at Barney's first." I suggest and clean the counter. 

Half an hour later, its closing time, streetlights are springing to life and the pink lady walks out after wishing us a fun tonight.  

"I want to be like her when I grow old Nik, she was amazing. Doesn't give a single fuck what someone might think of her." Jennifer grins as I close shop. 

"I know, she was all goals. Now let's get to Barney's! I'm buying the first round!" 

~~

I nip on my Manhattan, eyes gliding over the crowd already gathered in my favorite bar. Jennifer is busy chatting with a guy at the bar, the woman is an absolute man eater when she gets the chance. 

"Is this seat taken?" A blond guy with friendly eyes asks, pointing to the empty seat next to me. 

I smile. "Nah, you can take it. My friend is probably preoccupied for a while anyway." 

He sits down and places his beer on the table, surprising me. He leans back and shrugs his shoulders. "That's my friend over there, I've got the same predicament as you." He points to the guy Jennifer is busy with and I smirk. 

"Nikki." I give him my name.

"Robert, cheers to third-wheeling." He chuckles and raises his glass. 

"Cheers to that!" My smirk widens and we bell our glasses against each other. 

"Are you new to town? I haven't seen you before." He looks me up and down, a contemplative expression on his face. "I mean, I would have remembered if I had seen you somewhere before."

I push a loose, silvery strand out of my face, a small smile playing on my lips. "I've moved here 3 months ago, but I drop by here frequently. Maybe you just haven't been paying attention." 

Robert leans back in his seat. His eyes, which are a mix of blue and grey, focus on my face. "Well, I'm happy to have you by my side now. You're much better company then the bartender." 

The compliment hits its target and a blush spreads over my cheeks. 

"Don't let Barney hear you, he'll never let you live it down." I try to act cool, and he laughs, not at all impressed. 

"I'll take my chances, you want another?" Robert points to the empty glass in front of me. 

"Sure, thanks."

Robert stands up and walks over to the bar, waving Barney over. I see him ordering our drinks and my eyes glide over to Jennifer and Robert's friend. They are deeply invested in a conversation, and I have a feeling we won't be leaving the bar for dinner. Robert walks over to them two, nudging his friend. He shakes his head and grins, eyes darting between Robert and me. 

"You're stuck with me." Robert chuckles when he's back and places the Manhattan in front of me. 

"I don't mind, you're good company." I say, leaning back in my seat as my eyes wander his body. He has a good build; athletic, at least 5’9 ft and eyes like a summer storm. 

He sits down next to me, drapes his arm over the backrest and looks me over once more. "Right back at you girl. Though I have got to ask. Is it real? Your hair?" 

I grin and lean back into my seat and a bit into him, the sofa we're sharing is perfect for it. "Yeah it is, and I don't mind you asking." I glance at him from the corner of my eye. 

He breathes out and relaxes; it's cute. 

"I inherited it from my mother, who also has platinum silver hair. Now how about you? Born and raised here? Got any siblings? Tell me everything about you." 

"Well, you already know my name. I'm 27 years old, got a younger sister and I'm born and raised here. I got a French Bulldog named Hugo, a Harley Davidson and I work as a mortgage advisor. Your turn." He looks at me expectantly and I laugh, relaxing. 

"Alright then. I've just turned 23, no siblings and I take care of my father. I don’t have any pets, I drive my bike or the bus and have a job as a waitress in a coffee shop. And I was supposed to go out for dinner with my friend, but I've got a feeling dinner will be a plate of snacks and another drink." I chuckle and he grins mischievously.

"I can always go with you. You got a reservation?" 

"I do, but I'm not leaving Jennifer with some random stranger. No matter how tempting the offer is." I flick my hair over my shoulder and lock eyes with him, curious about his response.

"Fair enough, you hungry?" 

"Kind of, you wanna share a plate?" I bite my lip and his eyes zone in on the motion. 

"I'm hungry now." He says hoarsely.

"Sure, you are fucker." I snort and playfully punch his arm. He catches my arm before I can pull it back to my side, eyes locking with mine. 

"I am, and sure we can share." His voice turns husky and for a moment I am unsure whether he wants to share food with me or a bed. 

I rake my hand through my hair, suddenly nervous. "Cool, I'll order us a mix of hot and cold snacks." 

I stand up quickly and walks over to the bar, feeling his eyes on my back the entire time. I signal Barney and he comes over. "What can I get you darling?" 

"A hot and cold mix please, and another beer and a Manhattan when it's served." I smile at the friendly bar-owner, he is somewhere in his mid-forties and still quite handsome with a full head of hair and twinkling dark eyes. 

"Sure thing, shall I put it on his or yours?" I glance over my shoulder, Roberts eyes still trained on me. "Put it on my tab, he already bought the last round. Thanks Barney."

I walk back to the sofa we're sitting on; Robert's arm is still draped over the backrest.

Fuck it, he is nice, good looking and I haven't had a man in forever.

I push down my insecurities and sit down beside him; into his warm embrace. 

A pleased and surprised smile spreads on his face. His body heat seeps into my side. He smells good, like beach fires and male musk. We lock eyes and suddenly the air between us grows hot and heavy with anticipation. He lifts my chin and his breath fans on my face. 

"You're gorgeous Nikki."

He leans in, his hand slips around my neck and into my hair. I meet him halfway pressing my lips against his, kissing him and licking his bottom lip. He opens up and deepens the kiss, groaning into my mouth when I softly bite his bottom lip. 

I break up the kiss, a mischievous gleam in my eyes and a smirk on my lips. He looks at me before raking a hand through his blond hair, amazed and smiling.

Before he can say anything, my phone starts ringing. I fish it out of my bag and read the screen, "Dad". I grunt, just perfect, fucking timing. 

"Give me a minute, I've got to pick this up." I send him an apologetic smile and stand up. Leaving my bag with Robert, I walk out of the bar.