Chapter 27: Outside Perspective

Elena answered on the second ring, her voice filled with the special enthusiasm she gave to evening phone calls. "Please tell me you're calling with good news because I've had the day from hell and need to hear about someone's functional life."

"What happened?"

"David and I have broken up. Again. I believe it is genuine this time. But never mind that…….I heard you had lunch with your father. "How did it go?"

Grace reclined on the couch with her phone, Max retiring into the kitchen to allow her solitude during the talk. "It was complicated." He could go to federal prison."

"What? Why?"

Grace explained the situation based on her father's book, classified information, Santos' techniques, and the FBI inquiry. Elena listened with the same focused attention she brought to crisis management, asking clarifying questions and making appropriate indignant noises as needed.

"So, let me get this straight," Elena stated after Grace concluded. "Your father wrote a book exposing questionable FBI practices, using your trauma as a case study, and now he might face federal charges for including classified information he got from whistleblowers who were disturbed by those same practices?"

"That's the situation."

"And you're feeling confused because you can't tell if he was manipulating your situations or trying to defend other people from the same experiences?"

"Exactly."

"Okay, but that's not why you called me."

Grace hesitated, taken aback by Elena's candour. "What do you mean?"

"You've been doubting your connection with Max for weeks, and now you're citing your father's book as more proof that psychological dysfunction may be the foundation of your entire existence. You want me to tell you if your attachment is trauma bonding or genuine.

You've been going crazy about this for months, honey. Whether Max loves you or only feels responsible for you has come up in every talk we've had recently.

"And what do you think?"

For a minute, Elena became quiet as she thought about her response. "I think you're asking the wrong question."

"What's the right question?"

"The proper thing to ask is why you require outside approval for your emotions. Why are you unable to believe what you've experienced while you're in love?

"Because my experience might be compromised by trauma."

"Everyone's love experience is harmed by something, Grace. Social conditioning, personal insecurities, dysfunctional families, and previous relationships. There is no such thing as a pure, unadulterated method of falling in love.

"But trauma is different."

"How?"

"Because trauma produces phony intensity." It gives the impression that you need someone when, in reality, you're just afraid.

"And you think that's what happened with Max?"

Grace thought about the question, attempting to keep her analytical anxieties apart from her real memories. "I think I fell in love with how safe he made me feel."

"And that's bad because?"

"Because it means I'm not in love with him, I'm in love with feeling safe."

Elena let out the irritated noise she saved for Grace's most destructive thoughts. "One of the most loving things you can do for someone else is to make them feel protected, Grace. Additionally, one of the most obvious signs of compatibility is feeling safe with someone.

"But what if I only love him because of the circumstances we met under?"

"What if the only reason you love me is when we met in college, when we were both defining our identities? What if your passion for your profession stems solely from the fact that you began it in response to your mother's passing and required a purposeful activity to occupy your time? What if timing and circumstances somehow affect every relationship you have?

"That's different."

"How is it different?"

Grace found it difficult to describe the difference that seemed so obvious to her. "Because those connections organically evolved over time. Max and I developed a relationship throughout a crisis.

"Many partnerships are formed during times of distress. During natural disasters, medical crises, and wars, people fall in love. Crisis only speeds up the timeline; it doesn't make love artificial.

"But how do I know if what we have would survive without external pressure?"

"Have there been external pressures recently?"

"No. For months, Derek has been incarcerated. Santos is not keeping an eye on us. There isn't a crisis or immediate risk.

"And how's your relationship?"

"All right. It's actually pretty good. We had been discussing getting married, purchasing a home, and beginning a family.

"Those sound like the plans of people who are building a future together, not people who are trauma bonded."

"Or they sound like people who are so psychologically entangled that they can't imagine separate lives."

Elena let out a loud sigh. I've been acquainted with you for fifteen years, Grace. You have dated

men who were right for you, wrong for you, and everything in between, and I have seen it all.

Convenience, attraction, common interests, and yes, even trauma bonding with that guy after your mother passed away were the reasons I've witnessed you in relationships.

"Thanks for bringing up Marcus."

"Marcus is precisely what I'm saying. After your mother's burial, you developed a trauma link with Marcus that lasted for six months before you realised you had nothing in common but pain. It was powerful yet ultimately pointless.

"Right."

"There is no sense of hollowness in your relationship with Max. It has a robust feel. You negotiate disagreements and make concessions when you disagree. You've woven your lives together in ways that imply more than just emotional reliance.

"But what if I'm wrong?"

How about if you're correct? What if you're ruining a relationship with someone you love because you're scared to follow your own instincts?

Grace remained silent as she considered Elena's viewpoint. She could see Max loading the dishwasher through the kitchen doorway, his careful approach to every task.

"Elena, can I ask you something?"

"Anything."

"When you first met Max, what did you think?"

He seemed too serious for you, in my opinion. overly cautious, overly regulated.

"And now?"

"Now, I believe that his seriousness stems from his nice concern for everything he did, and his meticulousness stems from his desire to do things neatly. He manages your impulsivity, in my

opinion, without attempting to restrain it.

"That's almost exactly what I told him earlier."

"Because this is true. Grace, I've been observing you two together for months. I've seen how he looks at you when you're not paying attention. I've seen how you light up when he enters a room. I've watched you both handle arguments with respect and affection."

"And?"

"And I've never seen you be more yourself around anyone. Not diminished or dependent, but entirely yourself in the presence of someone who values it all."

Grace felt a shift in her chest, the release of tension she'd felt for weeks. 

"I believe you are more than compatible. I believe you're complementary. You add spontaneity to his meticulous temperament. He stabilises your emotional intensity. "You balance each other out

without losing yourselves."

"Even though we met during a crisis?"

"Especially since you met during a crisis." You saw each other under the worst imaginable conditions and decided to stay together. That is not trauma bonding; it is love tested by struggle.

"What are my father's concerns? What about the psychological analysis in his book?

Elena gave a contemptuous tone. "Your father is a prosecutor who has spent three decades reducing human behaviour to legal reasons. 

He examines your relationship like a court case, of course. But, Grace, love isn't a matter of law. You have to make that decision every day.

"What if I make the wrong choice?"

"After that, you grow from it and decide to make different decisions going forward. But what if, because you're scared to trust yourself, you make the right decision and then spend years regretting it, Grace?

Grace could hear Elena moving about her flat over the phone, the comforting noises of her friend's evening routine filling the background.

"Elena, how do you know when a relationship is real?"

"You don't. You can never be sure. 

"Does Max make my life better?"

Only you are able to respond to that. However, you appear happier, more stable, and more like yourself than you have in years, at least from where I sit. At least it's worth protecting if it's not real.

Grace sat on the couch after they hung up, watching Max continue cleaning the kitchen while reflecting about what Elena had said. After finishing, he sat down next to her on the couch without asking what Elena had said.

He said, "Feel better?"

"I believe so. Elena believes that my will to overthink things stems from my fear of making my own points.

"What do you think?"

"I believe she's most likely correct. I believe I've been so preoccupied with diagnosing our connection that I neglected to assess its effectiveness.

With the ease of long-standing familiarity, she settled against Max's side as he drew her closer. "And is it working?"

"Yes. Yes, it's working, even when I'm having mental health problems, when outside factors make our life more difficult, and when I start to doubt everything we've created together.

"All right. since it would be awful to have to start over with a new person."

"Will you? What if we determined this wasn't real? "Start over."

Max remained silent for a while, giving the question careful thought. "I'm not sure. In time, perhaps. But to be completely honest, I can't see wanting to start a life with anybody else.

"Even if you meet someone in a typical situation? Someone who has never been the subject of a government probe or difficult family dynamics?"

"Normal situations are overrated, Grace. I prefer complex situations with people I love to straightforward ones with those I don't.

"And you love me?"

"I cherish you. You make me laugh, you argue with me about culinary methods, and you choose to spend your life with me even when it's difficult, not because you need protection or because we survived something together."

Grace stepped back to meet his eyes. 

"I also adore you. You care about everything you do, you inspire me to be more thoughtful, and you choose to build something with me even when I make it difficult…….not because you make me feel safe or because you saved me from Derek."

"So we're not trauma bonded?"

"We may be. However, we are also generally happy, dedicated, and compatible. That might be sufficient.

"Maybe that's everything."

Max worked through a cookbook while Grace eventually opened her father's manuscript, and they read together on the couch for the remainder of the evening. Compared to the final book, the earlier version was more subtle, more exploratory than inductive, and more questioning than definitive.

Grace saw that her father's book was about more than just her connection with Max or Santos's strategies after reading his actual words instead of her presumptions about his motivations. It dealt with the intricacy of making decisions under duress, the challenge of differentiating between constructive and destructive reactions to crises, and the possibility of genuine love blossoming even in contrived situations.

"He's not as judgemental as I thought," she said to Max as she raised her gaze from the paper.

"About us?"

"Almost everything. He appeared more assured of his conclusions in the published version than he actually is.

"What does he actually conclude?"

"That love forged in crisis isn't automatically artificial, but it requires ongoing evaluation to distinguish between dependency and genuine compatibility."

"And what's his evaluation of us?"

Reading her father's words about seeing her handle the challenges of adulthood with poise and resolve, Grace turned to the last chapter. "He says I'm stronger than he gave me credit for, and that anyone I choose to build a life with is probably worthy of that choice."

"High praise from someone who I don't trust easily."

"In fact, the ultimate accolade. Regarding any of my life decisions, he has never stated anything like that.

As they got ready for bed, Grace couldn't help but reflect on the various forms of love that had influenced her life. The protective but domineering love of her father. Elena's enduring

friendship that withstood dispute and distance. Max's everyday decision to live with someone whose problems were similar to his own.

Perhaps whether their love was genuine or not was not the question. Perhaps the question was if the constant work needed to keep it up was worth it. Whether the everyday decision to create something together was more significant than the events that led to their union.

Grace saw she had been asking the wrong questions for weeks as she watched Max clean his teeth with the same painstaking attention to detail that he applied to everything. Whether their relationship was mentally sound by outside standards was not the correct question. Regardless of how their narrative started, the right question was whether they were both willing to continue picking each other day after day.

And yes, she realised, was the answer to that question.