Look At Yourself

The bedroom door wasn't even closed, and the first thing I saw was her. 

Long, blonde hair, clear skin. 

Skinny. 

She was everything I wasn't. Everything Skylar needed in a woman. That woman lying on the bed was confident in her skin. I mean, how could she not? She was perfect, had a body men would drool over, and one of those men was my husband, the father of the child growing in me. 

My husband, who was thrusting into her like he never wanted to be separated from her. Who was kissing and licking her skin like she was made of honey. I stared with my eyes wide, and I couldn't help but flinch when he kissed her chest and then trailed down to her stomach.

No one would ever kiss me like that. 

He was naked as well, his skin glistening with sweat. Skylar was so engrossed in her that he didn't notice me standing there. His groans and moans echoed in my ears like a haunted chant, burning themselves into my brain. 

“Skylar,” I whispered so softly that I could barely hear myself, but he heard me. His body jolted as he pulled away from her so quickly she moaned in pain. He turned to me, his eyes wide. 

“What the fuck?” he yelled, and the lady rushed to cover herself. He picked up his underwear and put it on quickly, his eyes hard on mine. “What the fuck, Kiadora?”

“H-how could you?” I asked softly, the tears blurring my vision, but somehow I could still see his face clearly and the rage there. 

“What are you doing here?” he asked, walking to me and stopping in front of me. “What makes you think you can just barge in here like that?”

I stared at him, at the anger in his face, at the subtle hate in his eyes, and I saw no trace of the man I got married to. 

“Is she the fourth one?” I asked, my voice shaking. “The fifth?”

He stepped closer to me, bringing his face closer to mine. “Who do you think you are to question me?”

“I am your wife!” I yelled, fisting my hands. 

“A wife that can't give me an heir!” he roared, hitting the wall beside my head, and I flinched, a sharp pain going through my chest. “A wife that I can't bear to look at!” I recoiled from him, my eyes wide, and he just went on. 

“Every time I think I'm going to be a father and finally have an heir, it’s gone. You lose it. What use is an omega who can't even keep a pregnancy? And just look at you. Look at yourself, Kaidora! It’s fucking hard to look at you! Every time I do, it kills whatever boner I have. I married a skinny woman. Not…” His eyes trailed over my body in disgust. “Not this.”

My chest was burning. The pain there felt too physical, like a knife was being plunged into my chest. My hands shook so hard I could feel my bones rattling. The tears slipped out slowly, my mouth opening and closing, but no words made it out. 

Finally, I managed, “Do you know how hard it has been for me? Skylar, do you know how painful it has been? Every month, I take an injection that does unpleasant things to me, and you’re never there to offer your support!”

“Why will I when I know the end result is going to be the same?” he asked coldly. “When should I waste my time and be there when you won't be able to keep it?”

I shook my head and pressed my hand to my stomach. “This one will be different. The doctor said it would be different. I just have to increase my dose of the injection, and I'll be fine.”

Even though the injections were the very reasons I was this way. 

He scoffed harshly. “The same way she said the last one will be fine? Wake up, Kiadora. You can never mother a child, and I am so sick of this!” He turned back and walked towards a drawer. 

The pain increased, and it became hard to breathe. How… How could he say that? How could the same person who said he would always be there to support me go back and say something so harsh?

He walked back to me with a brown file, opened it, and brought out papers.

“I was going to wait for a while before I had you sign them, but I can't do this shit any longer.” My eyes widened when I realized what he was holding in his hands. “I already signed them. Do the same, and we’re done.”

I shook my head, taking a step back. “N-no. You can’t do this!”

“I’m already doing it. Don’t make this difficult.”

I was still shaking my head, the tears spilling out faster. No. No, this can't be the way it ends. It can't be!

Four years.

Four years of taking hormonal injections into my body. 

Four years of watching as it changed me, and I slowly gained weight.

Four years of not being able to do anything despite working out and eating less.

Four years of several miscarriages, and it’s just going to end like this? I’m just going to sign those papers, and it’s all over? What about everything I've sacrificed? Everything I've lost? My body. My smile. My happiness. All that I had is no longer mine. 

I couldn't stand to look at myself in the mirror because I didn't know who I saw staring back at me. I didn't know who I was anymore. All that I knew was that I was Skylar’s wife and I needed to give him an heir. So I never answered it when Cassandra introduced the injections. I was ready to do anything, even though it meant ruining my life in the process. 

All I just wanted was to bear an heir. 

And now everything was going to go down the drain with just one signature?

“No,” I whispered, still shaking my head even as I felt a headache. “Please, don’t do this, Skylar. I’m sorry. I shouldn't have come. I’m so sorry. I’ll go back home and act as if none of this happened. I promise I'll never say a word about this.”

I quickly turned to leave, but I gasped when I felt a hand drag me back by my hair. He threw me on the floor, and my eyes widened in pain when I hit my stomach on the floor. 

“N-no,” I cried softly as I felt the pain increase. A pain I was all too familiar with. “No, please.”

I heard Skylar sigh, and he bent down to my level, holding the paper to my face. “Why do you have to make everything so different? Huh?” But I was no longer hearing him as I felt the familiar wetness between my legs. “Just fucking sign them!”

When I said nothing and just kept whispering, “No,” he groaned in frustration and grabbed my hand, forcing my fingers to close around a pen. He held the papers and forced me to sign them, but I was no longer thinking about the divorce as I felt myself losing my baby. 

“There,” he said and got to his feet. “We’re done, Kai–” His words were cut off, and I didn't need to look to know why. I raised my head slowly to see him looking at my legs, where I knew they were already stained with blood. The anger vanished from his eyes, and he just stared at the blood with his lips parted. At that moment, hope bloomed in my chest, and I thought maybe I could still be with him even though he made me sign the papers. Maybe… maybe he would pity me, and not cast me aside. 

But then he turned his head to me, and the hate and disgust were back in his eyes. This time, even stronger. “Of course.” He looked down at the blood again. “You couldn't even keep this one.”

Those were the last words I heard before everything went dark.