1. Here we go

For one, I don't know what I was thinking when I decided to write this. I guess it was out of boredom, those kind of boredom that can make you count the number of passers-by wearing blue tops(which I did until I got tired).

These events, I'm about to write, took place exactly 300B.C, during the reign of Empe...just kidding, it took place three months ago.

So, it was about me going somewhere, eem..Lekki Conser...oh, sorry, where are my manners?

(sips cof--CapriSonne™️, feeling all "professional")

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Staring at my reflection in the mirror, my overactive imagination kicked off its starting gear.

Mr Jones lets out a wry smile as he pulled my sad cheeks twice.

"Smile, my boy. Don't be sad. This is the last day of school for this term. You ain't gonna be bullied again...emm...at least till next term. How 'em quote put it, emm..'He that lives to fight another...emm...he that fights to live another day..."

Yawns

"...I can't even remember how it goes. What I'm trying to say is that you might be able to stand up to Osmosis by next term, a lot can change during this long vacation, you know", Mr. Jones muffled, chuckling intermittently.

He let out a smile again flashing his tobacco stained teeth(I really messed up in his storyline).

I let a small chuckle as his smile reminded me of an emoji, the emoji's smile had all 36s showing in a funny manner.

P.S: let's be reminded that the colour of his teeth and that of the cute smiley emoji can in no way,come into mind at this comparison, that subject is significantly abrogated from this context as we limelight the focus; the similarity between both smiles.

All that understood, say "aye"(sits patiently as he waits for an inline comment).

Mr. James straightened his tie, cleared his voice and fixed a closed gaze at me, "For the first time in my life, I agree with Mr. Jones".

He turned towards Mr. Jones who was fiddling with his cowboy ropes, as he noticed Mr. James's stare on him, he looked away.

Those two were known for their daily squabble, never agreeing on a thing. Mr. James is a lawyer; egocentric, high sense of fashion(anything cooperate--tuxedos were his favourite),pessimistic in the manner of thinking while Mr. Jones would considered quite a perfect opposite. He is a cowboy--a retired one though.

Mr. James would be like "opportunity doesn't come knocking at your door with a bag of candy and a thank-you for-accepting-me note". He would often say that life is full of gravity-tasty ups and earth-core downs. He believes that life will never offer you anything good until you prove you earned it.

On the contrary, Mr. Jones was a when-we-get-to-bridge-we-will-cross-it type of person, he lived in the moment. His dressings-most often, faded striped long-sleeve shirts and grey trousers, fitted cowboy boots and a hat. I just change the colours once in a while, sometimes, I would add a jacket.

Both are what is called in French, "mon invént de l' imaginé"

Pardon my French, mon gens.

In English(coughs), "figments of my imagination". This will be said to be because I had no friends--I just had one, my childhood friend, Temi.

Don't pity me. On the contrary, I enjoyed the tranquility and loneliness--well, when I don't have to deal with my sassy younger sister who derives pleasure in draining people's life force.

It was the last day of school and my heart was deeply troubled knowing that Osmosis might have something up in his sleeves for me, even from the movies, bullies never take a day off, if they had the opportunity of being your present for Christmas, they would gladly sit still in the box and wait for you to unbox your demise.

I know questions might be popping in your heads on why the heck someone will answer "Osmosis". I just guess he is too dumb to know that "Osmosis" is a lame nickname. A biological term which he probably overhear one of those "once in a blue moon" days that he decides to listen in class, which comes mostly when the teacher whoops little amount of sense (note the emphasis on the "little") into him.

Three harmonious taps on the entrance door downstairs broke into my line of thought. I already knew who was at the door; the indomitable Temi. She has a special way of knocking--too much of spy and military movies, I can't blame her.

My ear drums awaited the shrilling voice of my mom which I knew would call out to me soon to inform me of Temi's arrival.

As I predicted, shouts of "Dubem!!" rented the air, "Dubem" is my native name, she prefers that to "Sam" while my father goes for "Sam" which he claims connects him to his "root"--not like his real roots, has an unflinching love for Westlife movies and all.

My mom's ability of talking without any microphone in a place where it's required, yet commanding the attention of the audience made her feel like a superhero.

She would often brag about having a "Cathedral voice" when we complain of her "shouting prowess which could wake a man on anaesthesia" but as I would love to stare at her and give the "are you kidding me ?" face, I would always find myself smiling and admiring the great woman of a mother instead.

I slid down the stair rails leading to the sitting room downstairs, buttoning up the last button of my shirt at the end of the rail and there was Temi, chubby as always with her black headphones in her right hand standing in front of my mom with her cheeks held by my mom who was throwing question after question at her--you know, questions like "how are you, my baby", "how's your mom?,I didn't see her in our last women's meeting".

She was obviously getting shy and her reddened cheek smile reminded me of the little China doll I used when I was little(don't give me that look, my mom did the picking for me).

When Mom was done, exchanging pleasantries with her, Temi moved towards me, having an unconscious blushing smile from the whole emotional saga pulled up by mom.

I'm used to mom's show of love, I without doubt believe that she can peck me in front of my classmates regardless of my age and class, she fondling with Temi's cheeks is a tip off the iceberg.

Maybe my cornered smile made Temi feel I was mocking her "baby show"(which of course, I was doing unconsciously) because as I came forward to greet her, she gave out a devilish smile but before my brain neurones could process her facial expression, her "fufu" shaped hands were already squeezing tight my palm, I whimpered out in pain.

I have given up trying to act like a "man" in this kind of situation coz Temi is the kind of person that will never stop until she feels that her "mission objective" which is to inflict you with "pain" is fulfilled. My mom turned towards our direction and gave out a chuckle;

"Temi baby, stop bothering your brother, Osmosis is enough trouble already"

The mention of "Osmosis" sent my stomach on the 4th of July sensation, that feeling you have after eating thirty seven wraps of chocolate candies coz your mom and dad are on the other side watching the fireworks display. My mom knew I was being bullied by Osmosis, but she didn't see it as something serious, I didn't let her see it as anything serious. Temi slowly released her grip on my hand and ruffled my hair with her hand.

I looked up to mom to come to my rescue but she intentionally avoided eye contact with a mischievous smile stuck to her face. I gave up on receiving "backup" from Mom, Temi was already climbing the stairs towards my room so I followed suit.

"And this is the last day of school, I'm so......happy", she trailed off and went back on again.

I looked at her and smiled mischievously, she frowned her face in a playful manner. She trailed off because she had to, to avoid using the "f word" which she is used to and wanted to stop. I think it's from too much American movies that she watched.

I turned backwards as I approached the door of my room, Mom was arranging the table for the morning breakfast.

Temi was already lying on my bed as if she owns the bed with me, her bag, she flipped to the chair, Mr. Jones, one of my imaginary friends was sitting on before. I took up my perfume and was spraying it.

"Do you think Osmosis will do something mischievous today?", I asked awkwardly.

I turned back as no response came forth, that was when I realised that I just talked in vain coz she was in "another realm", realm of music to be specific. She had her headphones on and was swaying her arms to the melody of the song she was listening to. When she realised that I might have said something to her, she pulled off the headphone.

"Huh?, What did you say?", she asked, still moving her arms to the rhythm of the song.

"I asked if you..." I was sharply interrupted as mom called out to us to come down and have breakfast.

We both picked up our school bags and went down. My little sister was already seated at the dinner table, poking the egg with her fork. She sneered at Temi and Temi sneered back at her.

The two were just cats and dogs, well, me...I was just the rat-age wasn't a factor here. She is the cat that pesters my life. I have always thought of how delighted I would be, if I come home one day and Dad tells me that he has "shipped" Mmasi away-"What Joy Shall Fill my Heart".

"Mmasi, greet your sister and stop being a knucklehead", Mom frowned at her. Temi is so close to the family that Mom takes her as our sibling, she is not only my childhood friend, her mom and mine were childhood friends too, I guess that's why the bond is too tight. She joins us to eat whenever she visits.

"Good morning, young lady", she greeted Temi in the "best way" possible. I chuckled, my little sister's behaviour never ceases to amaze me, she acts above her age. Temi fondled with Mmasi's left cheek in response to the greeting-cold greeting to be exact.I couldn't help but notice a little babyish smile that pulled up her face when her cheek was fondled, a child will still be a child, I guess.

Mom left us to attend to other things, she only joins us at the dinning table when Dad is around, and at the moment, Dad was away on a business trip. We hurried over the food and went off towards to the door.

"Bye!!, mom", I shouted. We didn't wait for a response before we went off to school. Mmasi's primary school had closed for the session, which meant she would be staying at home with Mom.

We decided to walk instead of taking a taxi since it was the last day-moreover, I won't like to grow old in the traffic like I do every day. Lagos traffic can make you remember the events of the thirtieth day of the second month of the previous year.

I was almost hopping as though I was "drunk with new wine". Well, I was, with the "wine of excitement". I wasn't the only one drunk, something was drunk with bad fate!--MY MORNING!!(lol, I think I overreacted there).

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Fufu: a locally prepared food made from cassava. It is regarded as "garri" in its fine state. When prepared, it is eaten with soup.