Chapter 4

At first light, I dug out my suitcase. Only once I started packing did I realize how little here actually belonged to me. Almost everything in the apartment was stuff I'd prepared for them. All those years, I'd been living like their shadow.

Notes in my handwriting stuck to the fridge.

[Tomorrow's the full moon. Brew Caleb's calming tea in advance.]

[Remind Derek to take the car in for maintenance.]

[Ian's favorite book is out of stock. Remember to special-order it at the bookstore.]

[Mira can't drink cold deer milk.]

The last note was in Caleb's handwriting. He said Mira would crash at my place sometimes, and reminded me to take good care of her.

I peeled the notes off one by one. With each one, my wolf spirit felt a little lighter.

The group chat was blowing up.

Derek: [Where's the Blackstone Pack info sheet? Send it already.]

Ian: [Where'd you put my handwritten application?]

Mira: [Vera, can you come with me to get a recommendation letter from the proctor? I'm a little scared to go alone.]

Caleb's message came right after: [Stop dragging your feet. Get everyone's paperwork ready.]

I typed out my reply, one word at a time: [The files are in the drawer of the bookcase. Do it yourselves from now on.]

Three seconds later, Caleb called. "Vera, are you done yet? How long are you gonna drag this out?"

It was noisy on his end. Mira was asking him where they should go shopping later.

I put him on speaker and kept packing. "I'm not dragging anything out." My voice was calm, flat as a glass of pure water. In this goodbye, numbness was the only antidote.

Caleb went quiet for a beat, then sneered: "Let me guess. Is it because your name wasn't on the red carpet? Or because I gave the necklace to Mira?" He dropped his voice. "You're a White Wolf. What good thing haven't you seen? You really gotta fight Mira over one necklace? We're all going to Blackstone together. Aren't you worried it'll be awkward later?"

I couldn't help but laugh out loud. Someone I'd barely even get to see again, and he was still fantasizing about a "later."

My laugh set Caleb off. "You're still laughing? You think being a White Wolf makes you so special?"

"Caleb, get one thing straight. You're the one who keeps bringing up the White Wolf thing, not me."

The line went silent for a moment. Like he wasn't used to the person who'd always been so docile talking back.

"I don't want to fight with you. Just get the paperwork ready. Also, I'm taking Mira shopping. Come pick us up."

I zipped the suitcase shut and listened to that soft click, and my chest suddenly felt hollow.

"Caleb."

Caleb asked impatiently, "What?"

I looked around the apartment one last time. There'd been warm moments between Caleb and me here too. But they were like beer foam, lasting only a short while.

I picked up my phone, my fingertip hovering at the edge of the screen, before I said, word by word: "Goodbye, Caleb."

I hung up, dragged my luggage out the door, and flagged down a taxi.

The group chat kept flashing. They were arguing about what to eat tonight. Mira said she wanted steak on the west side of town. Derek said it was too far.

Caleb fired back right away: [Have Vera drive over and get you. She's coming to pick me and Mira up for shopping anyway.]

Ian replied with a laughing emoji: [Leave it to Vera the housekeeper. She's always looking after everyone.]

Housekeeper.

I stared at that word, and all that was left in my chest was a dull ache.

The first time Caleb shifted and nearly lost control, I was the one who held on to him for dear life, even after his claws tore into me. When Derek got lost on a hunt, I was the one who put together a search party and went into the forest after him. The first time Ian got rejected by a she-wolf, I was the one who stood on the balcony with him all night in the cold wind.

All of it, I did willingly. I believed that if you wanted someone's real heart, you had to give yours first. But to them, I was just a convenient tool.

Eyes stinging, I left the group chat and blocked every one of them.

The scenery outside the car window rushed backward. Along with my past with them.

When I reached the destination, the Intelligence Bureau officer verified my identity and said: "The car's ready, but you've still got two hours. Want to say goodbye to your friends or family?"

He reminded me, "Once you leave, you hand in your phone. No contact with the outside world."

I held out my phone to the officer. The moment it left my palm, it felt like I'd also let go of the hand Caleb once held.

"No need..." I said quietly. "Let's go now."