2.5 CAROLINE

If I forgave them right now, I could heal, and we could all build our lives together. We could get Sara out of our lives for good, and never worry about her again. We could go through the next few months of my pregnancy together, happy. We could actually hold hands at the doctor appointments, and I could watch them put the nursery together for the twins. We could move into a new house, and forget all about this one. We could have the twins and then more and more and more kids, just like Nicholas and Antonio want. 

If I forgave them right now, we could live the life we had already started building.

But could I really forgive them?

After everything that they just did?

Opening my eyes, I look at both of them. “I can't forgive you guys, not right now. You guys have officially broken my heart. You guys have broken me. I don't even know if I can ever really forgive you guys. Like truly forgive you guys. Maybe one day I will be able to actually find a way to not hate you guys for this. But right now I can't even picture myself getting to a point where I actually can do that.”

I wipe the tears from my face, still sniffling slightly.

“I love you guys, i really fucking do. I always have, since the very beginning. A piece of me has always loved you guys. I just could never admit it, not for a long time, because of everything that i have been through. And im about one hundred percent positive that a piece of me will always fucking love you guys. In fact, I think that's pretty much guaranteed. But I think that a piece of me will always hate you guys, too, for what you guys did today.”

“But it was not real! Like, not really real. We don't love her, we don't even like her. Our bodies don't yearn for her, our hearts don't call her name, not like with you. We did it as a test! We needed the truth!” antonio pleads, still trying to justify his fucking actions.

“And that's the problem, Antonio!'' I shake my head at him. At them. “Thats the fucking probelm. You guys cared more about getting the truth about Sara than you guys cared about me and my fucking feelings. And before you guys decide to disagree with that, just know that that is exactly what fucking happened. You guys didn't stop to think about what other options you guys had. You guys didnt fucking think, period. If you guys had actually taken a second to think about what to do, you guys probably would not have done what you guys did. Or, if you guys had come to me, like youre supposed to, i could have fucking helped you guys.”

“We couldn't go to you, Caroline. We needed to protect you. There is nothing that you could have done. Okay?”

“You dont fucking know that! I'm your wife. Im your fucking wife. I'm supposed to be your wife. I'm supposed to be your partner. I'm supposed to be there for you guys. But no. You guys didn't come to me. You guys didn't ask me for help. No. You push me away. You run away. You left me alone. And you came to your ex wife, and you guys kissed her. How does that make sense?”

Shaking my head at them once more, I turn away from them for a moment before facing them once more. “You guys claim that I have made you guys strong. You guys claim that loving me has made you guys stronger. I think you guys are wrong. I think i was fucking wrong. Loving you guys has not made me stronger. It's made me the pathetic wife who gets cheated on.”

“Don't say that, caroline.” Nicholas pleads, staring at me with tears streaming down his face. “Please, don't say that. We love you, we fucking love you.”

Finally stepping forward, I reach a hand up to each of their faces and cup their cheeks.

They stare at me, eyes wide and full of hope.

I take a deep breath before speaking, terrified to shatter that hope.

“I know you guys do. And I wish that was enough. Trust me, I wish that was enough. But it's not. Love is not enough.”

I pull my hands away from them and step all the way back once more.

A piece of me breaks when I see the hope leave their eyes, replaced instantly with sadness, with sorrow.

“I won't run away. I promise I wont run away. You guys deserve to be part of the twins' life. They are your guys’ children. They will always be your guys’ children."