Chapter 2

My stomach seized, cramping in waves as fragments of memory flashed through my head.

After Olivia had the baby, I lost my job, then got into a car accident. I kept thinking I couldn't hold this family together.

That was when the depression set in.

I used to lock myself in the bathroom while the baby cried outside the door. Olivia would take it again and again when I lashed out, then smooth my hair like nothing had happened.

"I'm here. It's okay."

She kept a close eye on my moods, like I might fall apart at any second, and still handled the baby on her own.

Just like she said, she was a good wife. A good mother.

Maybe she was too good. Maybe that was why I chose the slow kind of pills. I thought I could fade out instead of ending it all at once.

The next morning, a loud crash downstairs pulled me out of sleep. I went down and stopped at the bottom of the stairs.

There was a naked man in my living room.

Randall met my eyes, startled for a second, then pressed his lips together in a half apology.

"Sorry. Didn't mean to wake you. I just came in to grab protection. Olivia's waiting in the car." He spread his hands, almost mocking. "Couldn't find any. You guys don't use them?"

So he knew.

Ever since I started antidepressants, Olivia hadn't touched me.

She said she wasn't interested, said work kept her busy, said it would help keep me stable.

I caught my reflection, the weight from the meds, my body out of shape. Then I looked at Randall, solid and built.

That was answer enough.

Olivia walked in and froze when she saw us. She rushed forward, trying to cover the marks on him.

"Hon…" She stopped herself. "Randall, didn't I tell you to go to the store? Why are you not even dressed…"

He pinched her waist and let out a low laugh. "You said you couldn't wait. This was closer."

The way she touched him, the way she spoke to him, soft and familiar, made my stomach turn.

Something in me snapped. The anger I had been holding down surged up all at once.

I shoved them both. "Get out! At least respect that this is my house!"

Randall staggered back, staring at me like he couldn't believe it.

"Elliot!" Olivia's eyes went red with anger as she pulled him behind her. "He just came to grab something. Don't scare him like that!"

In her eyes, I was just a man losing control.

Everything hit at once. I bent over and coughed up blood. It splattered across the floor, dark and thick.

Olivia froze. "Wh-what's this? Elliot, didn't you get better?"

I stood there, frozen, my hands hanging useless at my sides. The pills were starting to work.

I opened my mouth to tell her, but Randall cut in with a sharp breath. "Honey, I think I twisted my ankle. I can't walk."

Olivia frowned, concern taking over. When she looked back at me, there was nothing left but disgust.

She helped him out. The second they were gone, the tears I had been holding back broke loose.

I had practiced keeping it in, over and over, but it didn't hold.

I tore the place apart, then cleaned it back up, wiping away every trace, holding onto what little dignity I had left.

I had just finished scrubbing the blood off the floor when the hospital called.

My mom was dying.