The Morning After Everything

I didn't sleep.

I lay on Nadia's couch with a blanket she had thrown over me sometime around 3am and I stared at her ceiling and I went over it all again and again until the numbers stopped meaning anything. Eight months. Three years. One year contract. Four or five events. Forty-seventh floor. Walter's bills. His face when he asked about the flowers.

At 5am Nadia came out of her bedroom in a giant t-shirt and stepped over my feet and went to the kitchen without saying anything. She came back with two mugs and sat on the end of the couch by my knees and handed me one.

"I caught Derek with someone," I said.

"I know. You called me at midnight and you were very calm which was honestly more frightening than if you'd been screaming."

I had forgotten I called her.

"Who is she," she said.

"Vivienne Cross. She's in PR. Eight months, Nadia."

Nadia was quiet for a moment. Then she said:

"I'm going to need a minute to be absolutely furious about this before we talk practically."

"Take your time," I said.

She took about forty-five seconds. She said several things about Derek that I agreed with entirely and will not repeat. Then she exhaled and said:

"Okay. What do you want to do about today."

Today. The word sat on my chest like something heavy.

"I can't cancel," I said. "Walter's already in the hospital and they said his levels are manageable right now but stress is the thing they keep warning about. If I call him this morning and tell him the wedding is off because—"

I stopped. I pressed my fingers to my eyes.

"I can't do it. I can't be the thing that pushes his heart the wrong way."

"So what then," Nadia said.

I told her about Caden Ashford.

I told her all of it. The door opening. The drive. The diner. The proposition. The terms. Everything. She sat there and listened without interrupting which was very unlike her and when I finished she was quiet for a long time.

Then she said:

"Sloane."

"I know."

"That is completely—"

"I know."

"But Walter."

"Yeah."

We sat with that.

"You don't know this man," she said.

"I know his name and I know he didn't flinch when I asked him to put everything in writing and I know he paid for the coffees without making it a thing." I looked at my mug. "I know he didn't try to tell me it was going to be okay. He just sat there and he was honest."

Nadia looked at me for a moment.

"That's a very low bar."

"Given last night my bar is on the floor."

She almost smiled. I almost smiled back.

My phone started ringing.

Derek.

I sent it to voicemail. It rang again immediately. I sent it to voicemail again. Then a text came through: Sloane please just talk to me. Then another: I love you. I'm sorry. Please. Then another: the guests are already getting the hotel information, we need to figure out what we're telling people.

I put the phone face down on the cushion.

"What are you going to do," Nadia said.

"I'm going to call Caden Ashford and tell him yes."

She opened her mouth.

"And then I'm going to go to the hospital and sit with Walter and hold his hand and tell him I'm getting married today, just not to Derek, and I need him not to ask too many questions yet."

Nadia closed her mouth.

Then she said:

"He's going to ask questions."

"He's going to ask one question."

"Which is."

"Is he a good man."

"And what are you going to say."

I thought about the diner. The straight talking. The money on the table without looking at the bill. The way he had waited by the car even after I said I could get a cab myself. The way he had looked at me in the doorway of that house with his jaw tight and his eyes doing something complicated and said: step outside. Not a demand. Not a please. Just step outside. Like he already knew I needed someone to make one decision for me so I could make all the others myself.

"I'm going to say I think so," I said.

Nadia looked at me for a long time. Then she said:

"Okay."

She stood up. She went to the kitchen. She came back with toast and said:

"Eat something before you call him. You can't make a decision like this on an empty stomach."

I ate the toast.

I picked up my phone.

I deleted Derek's messages without reading the rest of them.

I found the number Caden had put in my phone last night when I got out of the car. Just his name and a number. No message. No see you tomorrow. Just the number there when I needed it.

I called it.

He picked up on the second ring. His voice was the same as last night. Steady. Awake. Like he had been waiting without making it obvious he was waiting.

"It's Sloane," I said.

"I know."

"I need two conditions I didn't mention last night."

"Go ahead."

"You meet Walter. Properly. In person, before the end of this week. Not a five minute thing. You actually sit with him."

"Done."

"And if he asks you directly whether you're going to take care of me, you answer him honestly. Not the answer that sounds right. The honest one."

There was a pause. Short but real.

"Done."

"Then yes. I'll marry you."

The line was quiet for a moment.

"I'll have the paperwork drawn up. My PA will send you the details."

"Caden."

"Yes."

"Whatever else this is, Walter is the reason I'm doing this. Don't make me regret it."

"I won't."

He hung up.

I put my phone down on the cushion. Nadia was standing in the kitchen doorway looking at me. I looked back at her.

"So you're getting married today," she said.

"Apparently."

She pressed both hands to her face. She made a sound into her palms. Then she pulled her hands away and said:

"What does one wear to a courthouse wedding that one agreed to at 6am after catching one's fiance cheating."

"Something easy to take off and put back on because I have to be at the hospital by noon."

She stared at me. Then she went to her wardrobe.

My phone rang again on the cushion. I looked at the screen.

It was the hospital.

My stomach dropped.

I picked it up.

The nurse's voice was careful and even. She said Walter had been asking about the wedding since 5am. He had worked himself up. His oxygen levels had dropped. They had him stable but they wanted me to come in.

She said: can you come this morning?

I was already standing up.

"I'm on my way."