Ramboli

Waiting for death is worse than death itself. Death offered a sweet release into the afterlife, but waiting for it proved excruciating, and after several seconds she couldn't bear it any longer. She opened her eyes to greet death willingly, but the boss zombie had vanished. She looked down and realized it wasn't really gone. The body lay at her feet, but the head was missing. She couldn't figure out what the fuck was happening. She quickly scanned the room and noticed a male figure standing near the door.

He was tall and slim. The light was behind him, so she couldn't make out his face very well, but he was smiling, and she could see his perfect white teeth. In his hands was a katana, its blade glowing orange. She watched him flip it around and attach it to something on his back like he was fucking Leonardo of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

"Where are the other turtles?" she asked weakly. She knew she should be thanking him, but when put into an awkward situation, she couldn't help but try humor.

"Well, Michelangelo is grabbing pizza, Donatello is training with Master Splinter, and Raphael is fucking April," he said matter-of-factly. "It's his turn today."

She was speechless at his response, but soon couldn't help but giggle.

"What about Casey Jones? Doesn't he get a piece of ass too?" she played along.

"Casey has a thing for Rocksteady. Don't ask me why - I think it has something to do with his horn," he said, smiling.

"I get that, but what does Bebop do while Casey gets the horn job? Is he on camera filming for future viewing pleasure?" she asked.

"No, Krang does all the filming with his mechanical body. It has a built-in storage device. With your silly questions, I'm not sure if you've even seen TMNT," he said, laughing.

She should have been offended, but she wasn't. He stood relaxed in her presence, yet she could feel his power. Aria wasn't sure how long she could keep playing the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle name game, so she switched topics.

"Why did you save me?" she asked. Her legs were getting stronger, but she still felt weak.

"Here, take one of these," he said.

She watched as he tossed her an EpiPen device. It landed at her feet. She picked it up; it had +++ marked on it.

"Stab that into your thigh and you'll feel better," he said.

"What if it's some kind of roofie and you're just looking to take advantage of me?" she asked.

"I'm pretty sure that if I wanted to take advantage of you, I could do so without the use of a drug. I can also come over there and jam it into your leg if you want," he stated.

"You and what army?" she quipped.

She hadn't even finished her smart-ass comment when he took a step toward her. He marched directly in her direction, and an erotic panic washed through her body. What was he going to do when he got there? She didn't know if she should put up some kind of defense. Her father would be very disappointed if he ever found out she let some strange guy walk up and inject her with an unknown substance without a fight. She gripped her bat, and when he came within range, she swung, attempting to hit his arm.

His reaction was lightning fast. He caught the bat mid-swing, then twisted the barrel until it broke her grip. He tossed the bat aside and picked her up. She wrestled against his efforts, but seconds later she found herself draped over his knee like a spoiled child while he sat in a chair. She was no longer holding the EpiPen. She heard him laugh just before she felt a sting in her right ass cheek.

Warmth flowed out from where he'd used the EpiPen, and she immediately felt healthier. Her vision cleared, and she no longer worried about whether she could stand on her own. She opened her mouth to say something, but the sound of his hand striking her ass came a split second before a different kind of warmth began spreading.

"That should bring you back to full health and then some," he said.

"How dare you put your hands on me!" she exclaimed.

He stood up, and she slipped off his lap to land on the floor with a thump. Even though she knew she had no chance of winning this battle of words, she tried to regain a bit of composure. Before she could say anything, he spoke.

"My name is Ramboli," he said. "Yes, like the pasta. I have something else for you, but it's not another spanking. Those you will have to earn."

Ramboli opened his swallow-tail jacket to reveal a small pouch attached to his belt. He wore a white shirt with frills at the collar that stuck out of the jacket sleeves. The jacket itself was the color of fine red wine. His face was handsome, free of any facial hair. The hood of his jacket was pulled up so she couldn't see how long his hair was, but she felt the pull of his charisma. She felt embarrassed by her own charisma score of 12. He must be at least a 16 or 17; what a fucker.

Aria wasn't sure if it would be wise to make a smart-ass comment about how Ramboli was her favorite food, so she just waited while he searched for what he needed. After several seconds, he produced what looked like a wristwatch with an oversized face.

"Here, I'm sure you don't have one of these, or you'd already be wearing it," he said.

Aria stood up before accepting his gift.

"What is it?" she asked.

"This will allow you to communicate with other people. You might not find it useful right now, but as you progress, you'll find it invaluable," he said.

She attached it to her wrist, then held it up to her mouth.

"Beam me up, Scotty," she said.

"As annoying as you're trying to be, that's not what this is for. Since you have my name, you can enter me into the device and communicate with me should you have any questions," he said.

"Why would I want to talk to you ever again?" she asked.

"Maybe you will and maybe you won't, but at least you'll have the ability to ask for help. Had you had this before you entered the clinic, things would have gone better for you," he scolded.

"So you're here because you needed to save poor ole me?" Aria put on her best Southern accent and batted her eyelashes.

"I'm here because I'm on a quest, and I happened to be in the right place at the right time. Had I not intervened, you would cease to exist. Please be careful on your next quest. You need to focus on killing zombies and leveling up," he advised.

He turned and started toward the door.

"One other thing - because I killed the boss, you don't get to collect on the quest. To compensate, you can have this," he said.

Aria watched as he pulled something from inside his jacket. She wasn't sure how it had been stored there, but seconds later he tossed a bag in her direction. It landed by her feet with a clink of coins.

"Thank you, Ramboli," she said.

"Stay safe," he answered.

She wanted him to say "Stay safe, Aria," but he merely turned and pushed on the door.

"You never asked me my name," she blurted out.

"You know how to get in touch with me. If I'm not too busy with April, I'll answer your call," he said, smiling. His charisma hit her again - that same magnetic pull - and she second-guessed not dumping all three attribute points there herself.

She watched him leave without ever looking back, and she felt suddenly alone and very small. Aria picked up the sack of coins, and once she held it in her hands, she knew it contained $300. Even though the sack was the size of a volleyball, she managed to stuff it into one of her pockets.

Aria moved to the doors the boss had smashed her through and quickly searched that part of the clinic. She found two more + EpiPen devices and a copper-colored top hat. She flipped the hat over and checked for anything hidden in the lining. Finding nothing, she cautiously put it on her head. She waited for something to happen, but noticed nothing; fucking hat. She almost tossed it on the floor, but caught her reflection in a mirror and liked the way she looked wearing it. If she was going to die fighting zombies, at least she could look good doing it.

She ran to Wally's Weapons without incident. Inside, Wally was cleaning an AK-47 behind the counter.

"Hey Wally," she said, logging into the weapon terminal. She tapped the shotgun icon. The cash register sound confirmed the purchase - $250 gone. Wally handed her the shotgun, then pointed to the ammo terminal across the room. Another $50 bought her 100 shells. She jammed them into her pockets, surprised at how deep they were, grabbed her bat, and waved goodbye.

Once she opened the door to her place, she walked to the terminal and logged in. The screen flashed, and she chose the Identify option. A message appeared:

Place new object on the circle to identify.

She wasn't sure which item to try first. She started with the shotgun, and nothing happened. Next, she tried the watch, and the screen changed:

Basic communication device: Allows the user to communicate with other players within range. Range = 1 mile.

Next, she tried the hat. The screen changed again:

Hat of Accuracy: Increases player's accuracy +1 Lvl

"About fucking time," she said to the empty room. She put the watch and hat back on, feeling suddenly omnipotent. When she touched the screen again, it changed.

Level Up -- 1 Skill Point to Use

Her five skills appeared on the screen. She considered what would be the best choice for her. Bloodshed might serve her well at low levels, letting her handle mobs of zombies without fear of running out of ammo. She wasn't sure what Weaponsmith really did, so picking that option probably wasn't wise. The same went for Inventor, which left Accuracy or Stealth. She already had the Hat, but if she put a point into Accuracy, she'd be much more lethal with the shotgun. She pressed Accuracy and confirmed her choice. Next, her stats flashed on the screen.

Name Aria

Level 2

Profession Assassin

Race Human

Health 18

Strength 10

Intelligence 17

Wisdom 13

Dexterity 18

Constitution 11

Charisma 12

Skills:

Bloodshed - Novice 1+

Stealth - Novice 1

Accuracy - Rookie 1

Weaponsmith - Novice 1

Inventor - Novice 1

Special Skills None

She also noticed a new icon on the terminal's main menu: "Portal Link." She tapped it, curious, and a brief description appeared: Connect your safe house portal to another player's location, provided both parties accept the link. She filed the information away, wondering when she'd ever have a reason to use it.

She questioned the Novice Lvl 1+ under Bloodshed and wondered how many levels existed before she wasn't a Novice any longer. If only something existed to explain how things worked - and then she looked down at the watch. Maybe Ramboli would help? She wondered how she was going to ask for help after being such a bitch to him. He probably wouldn't even answer, but she needed some answers.

She walked into her bedroom and sat on the bed, running through everything she still didn't understand. How was she supposed to level Bloodshed faster? What exactly was a guild, and why did Ramboli's message mention one? And more urgently - how was she supposed to survive her next quest without ending up flat on her back again, waiting for someone else to save her? She needed real answers, not jokes about pizza and ninja turtles.

She tapped the watch, and a screen appeared above the device. The only words on screen were:

Contacts:

She had no contacts. At the bottom of the screen was an "ADD" button, along with a greyed-out "DELETE" button. She tapped "ADD" and entered his name. A second later, the screen changed to:

Contacts:

Ramboli - Level 24

He was level 24 - what a fucker! There was no way he'd help a noob like her. If this were real life, she could try flashing her breasts to appeal to his carnal desires, but this device didn't look like it had video chat. If she wanted help from Ramboli, it would have to be an old-fashioned phone call.

FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!

She touched his name and waited while fighting the butterflies in her stomach.

"Ramboli..." she heard him answer, his voice melting her like butter left out on a warm summer day.

She panicked and immediately covered the watch face. The call ended.

Aria spent the next hour in silent argument with herself over whether to call him again. She told herself she needed to know how to level up faster and what a guild even was - practical things, not an excuse to hear his voice. In the end, she didn't call, deciding instead to give things a go by herself tomorrow. She went through her nighttime routine, and once in bed, looked at her communication device again. She tapped the face, and the digital screen popped up.

Ramboli's name shone like a beacon in the night, begging her to tap it and initiate the call. With each passing second, her pulse quickened. She couldn't remember being so nervous to make a call since high school.

She touched his name and held it pressed, hoping that doing so would give her options. Nothing happened, and she knew that as soon as she lifted her finger, the call would initiate. Fuck it. She took her finger away and waited.

A digital ring sounded before several silent seconds passed.

Another ring, more silence.

After four rings, the call beeped, and a recording played: "Hello, you have reached Ramboli, Vice Guild Master to the Witchdoctor Guild. Don't ask for help or loot unless you are a member."

The recording stopped, and a beep sounded. She panicked but didn't end the call. She let several seconds pass while she furiously tried to compose a literate message.

"Hi Ramboli, this is Aria. I need to ask you about leveling up and surviving my next quest. Call me. Please."

She barely got the words out before ending the call. She wondered if he'd call back tonight, or at all. She started to fret over his silence. What would that say about her? Maybe her charisma was that bad, or maybe being a Vice Guild Master put him in a place where he couldn't interact with her. Maybe this game had some kind of fucked-up class system.

After fifteen minutes of waiting for him to call back, she turned off the lights and snuggled under the covers to sleep. Several minutes later, the communication device buzzed on her wrist. She sat up in bed and tapped its face; Ramboli's name shone in the darkness. She touched his name, and a hologram of his head appeared.

"Hi Annie, what can I do for you?" he asked.

His tone was formal, which disappointed her, though he called her Annie like they were friends. She wasn't sure what she'd expected, but being alone in a strange place was starting to take a toll on her. Part of her had hoped he might show more excitement to talk to her.

"Hi Ramboli, I'm sorry for calling so late, but I need help figuring some things out - how to level up faster, what a guild actually is, and how I'm supposed to survive my next quest without nearly dying again," she said.

"What time do you want me to stop over?" he asked.

Her mind started to race. She wasn't sure she wanted him at her place. She was embarrassed by her small quarters. He already knew she was a noob; having him over would just cement the fact.

"I guess whenever it's convenient for you," she said.

"I have time now, if that works for you," he said. "I'm leading a raid later, and that's going to tie me up for a while."

Aria thought about how exciting a raid would be. She didn't know how long it would be before she could attempt one herself. She also thought about being tied up by Ramboli, which would be so much more exciting.

"Okay, I'll meet you in front of my building," she said.

"No need. Go stand on your portal," he said.

She slid out of bed and tried to smooth her shirt, pulling it down as far as she could to cover her underwear while walking to the portal. Once she stood on it, a new screen opened on the communication device, offering her the choice of connecting her portal to Ramboli's. Oh, so that's what the portal link does, she thought, recalling the icon she'd glimpsed on the terminal earlier. After she clicked to connect, the portal flashed orange.

"Now we're connected. Step off the portal, and I'll be right there," he said.

Her pulse quickened. He was about to appear in her apartment, and she wore only a white tank top and underwear. She wondered if he'd show up in his sleep gear too, then remembered what he'd said about the raid. The air over the portal shimmered, and then Ramboli stood there. She clenched her jaw to keep her mouth from hanging open. He was fucking gorgeous. Seeing him this close made her body tingle. She'd expected him to be in full combat garb, but he wore black genie pants that looked like silk. His shirt was white and unbuttoned, its pale fabric providing a delicious contrast to his tanned skin and tattoos. She tried to keep her eyes from following the tattoo that slid down inside his black pants.

Ramboli stepped off the platform while she stood rooted to the floor. Suddenly she wondered if she should be holding her shotgun for defense. What if this was all a ruse - what if he wasn't here to help, but to collect ears like in Diablo? No, he carried no weapons that she could see, except for his deadly good looks.

"Should we talk here, or do you have somewhere to sit?" he asked.

"I just have a bed," she said softly.

She turned and walked into her bedroom, fully aware the tank top didn't cover the curve of her ass. Let him look. If he was here for something nefarious, there wasn't much she could do about it anyway. She might be a 12 in charisma, but she was damn sure an 18 in bed.