I can’t believe Golden is standing in my house, in the same kitchen I make myself food. I see her here but my brain can’t make sense of it. After we had ice cream she walked with us back here. I told her a it’s a long walk hoping she’ll change her mind and go home instead but no.
The whole time we were walking I was in my head trying to figure out what’s happening, why does she want to be here with me? I figured maybe she’s curious, a fact that makes me uncomfortable. I wonder if she’s trying to get close to me, find out all she can about me and then expose me to the whole school.
I feel like I’m being too trusting, she shouldn’t be here. But there isn’t much I can do now, she’s here. Looking around my house.
“We’re going to play.” Mina says already pulling Jon to the door. She doesn’t wait for me to say if they can go or not.
“Only for a little while.” I say behind them as they slam the door shut. I move from the kitchen to the bedroom window. From there I can watch the kids play in the designated play area. I sit on the window seal and wait to see Mina and Jon appear below. After a minute or so I see them run toward the swings.
Mina stops a few steps before the swings and looks up at the window. She can’t see me but she knows I’m watching. She waves at me and I wave back even though she can’t see me.
I hear Golden walk in my direction. I wait until she sits next to me on the window seal and I look at her. This is so intimate and foreign. Her being here so close to me feels like I’m opening myself to so much scrutiny. She looks out the window at the kids playing and smiles.
“How precious it is to be a child.” She says and looks at me smiling. I look at her radiant smile and I can’t help but smile too. She has such a beautiful smile, it’s infectious too. “Would you ever want to be a kid again?” She asks looking me deep in my eyes, I have to take a moment and think of my answer because I can’t really think when she’s looking at me like that.
“I don’t know maybe.” I say and to that she frowns. “You wouldn’t want to be a kid again?” I ask intrigued by her reaction to my answer.
“No” She says and seems to really think about her answer. Then she shakes her head no. “I didn’t like being young.” She says smiling shyly.
“Why?”
“It was just a difficult time for me.” She says and stands up, walking away from me. I take that as a hint she doesn’t want to talk about that anymore so I don’t say anything else. I watch her start to look around the apartment. She touches things delicately and then walks on to the next item.
“You know I always wondered where you lived, what you liked and stuff.” She says looking back at me. She has that shy smile back on her face. The one she has when she says something that makes her feel weird.
“And what is your impression now that you’ve seen a little bit of my life.” I ask not really wanting to hear the answer, whether I would like to admit it or not I care what she thinks about me. It would hurt if she had something terrible to say.
“You’re nothing like I imagined, your home is nothing like anything I would have conjured up.” She says and I feel the same way about her. She’s nothing like I imagined, she’s even more mysterious than I thought. I can’t figure her out, I want to ask her what her deal is but I’m too scared to open that door.
“Is that a good or bad thing?” I ask her and she smiles looking at me with her head cock to the side.
“It is good.” She says and comes back to sit next to me. “You’re more interesting than I imagined and you’re very calmer. I like that.” She says touching me arm. I look at her hand on my arm and then I look at her.
“I’m calm?” I ask confused by her assessment of me and her touching my arm is making my brain work even slower.
“Yes.” She says and moves her hand away. “You’re energy and vibe is very calming. I feel so calm right now and I don’t even know you that well. That says a lot about you.” she says giving me a lot to think about.
Golden
“What the hell Golden? Cole called me freaking me out. He told me that you left him standing alone at the park.” Amara screams through the phone when I answer my phone. I place my bag on my bed and take a very deep breath. I don’t want to go off on Amara, She’s my friend and I love her. I don’t want to fight again but she’s making it very difficult.
“Why is Cole calling you again?” I say as calmly as possible. I don’t need this right now, I had the most relaxing and fun day with Leo. I had even forgotten about the whole Cole thing and now Amara is bringing it up.
“He was worried you wouldn’t answer so he called to ask if I would talk to you because you’re acting weird. And he’s right you know, you have been acting a little off lately. You don’t even want to hang out anymore. What’s going on with you? ” She says accusing me.
“Thanks for your concern but I’ll talk to Cole myself.” I say too tired to even discuss this with Amara. I get where shes coming from with her “concern” but I’m good.
“Wow, you won’t even talk to me?” She asks actually sounding hurt. I feel bad for being this way but I feel like this is between me and Cole. Amara has never been a go between for Cole and I so this is with all due respect not her business. And I intend to talk to Cole about it. If he wants to talk to me about something he should talk to me.
“I do want to talk to you, just not about my relationship with Cole.” I say and she sighs audibly.
“But we always talk about your relationship.” She says using her whiny voice.
“Yeah when I come to you for advice, not when Cole comes to you to complain about me.” I say annoyed by her.
“It’s the same thing.” She says her voice getting loud.
“No it’s not.” I say getting loud too.
“Okay , whatever. I was just trying to help out.” She says her voice getting smaller.
“I appreciate the help but I’m good.” I say happy she’s letting it go.
“Okay bye.” She says and ends the call before I can even say anything. I stare at the phone surprised, what the hell is that?
I lie on my bed and my mind drifts to Leo.
21 months later Leo is coming to see me today. I haven’t seen him in over a year. We’ve becoming strangers again and I hate it. I moved to Cape Town and life changed. He stayed behind to make sure that everything is set up with Mina and Jon. He had to make sure that they are settled in boarding school. And he had to make sure that he packs up their apartment before he had to go to military school. At the same time I had moved to a new city and when school started I got hit with a reality check. There was no way I could balance school and a relationship. Everything got so overwhelming for me. I got hit with the harsh reality that I wasn’t in high school anymore. It took a moment for me to adjust to the move and the workload. I had to switch off from my life at home and concentrate on my studies. And finally when we both got on our feet, life was so different. We drifted apart, between the distance and adulting it was impossible for us to find our way back. I wanted to fix the gap a
7 amI’m sitting on a swing chair on the veranda watching the world come alive. Everyone in the house is still asleep. I got up about an hour ago and I’ve been sitting here under a blanket enjoying the smell of the morning air. I watched the last bits of the sunrise and I’m glad I did. What a way to kick off my 18th birthday, I feel reborn almost.I don’t know why but I have this sense of calm about life beyond this point. I was nervous about my final exams, going away to university next year. And I had this fear of what will happen about Leo and I. but now sitting here. I feel no worries; whatever happens will be for the best. I know that we’ll be okay no matter what.I am grateful for having this time with him, Zach, Lana and his siblings. They have given the best send off into adulthood. They gave me the ability to grow up. Wit
“How amazing is this view?.” I say looking out the bedroom window of the air bnb we rented for the weekend. As always Zach hooked us up with an amazing place. He always finds the best accommodation. But this time he outdid himself. He found this little cottage in the middle of Magoebaskloof. We are in the lush green mountains of Limpopo. If I look hard enough I can see the Ebenezer Dam in the distance.The smell of pine is all around us, I find it oddly comforting. It’s not a smell I’m overly familiar with but I like it. I know waking up tomorrow is going to be a joy. The sky is turning orange as the sun is setting. It looks like the perfect painting. The fiery orange of the sun and the lush green of the tree tops meet in the far distance. And the little ink of the water in the distance adds an amazing texture to the view. This is incredible.I find myself amazed at the beauty that’s in South Africa, living i
“Have fun on your trip.” Mr. Brown says to me when I get out of the staff room. I have my overnight bag on one shoulder, my work bag on the other and a bouquet of roses. I want to surprise Golden with flowers when we pick her up.“Thank you. I guess I’ll see you after my exams.” I say smiling at him. He looks so sad right now. He looks like he’s dropping his son off at university. He always gets like this at the end of the year. It’s the longest time we spend apart. I don’t come into work during exam time because I want to focus on doing well. And the only way I can do that is if I don’t have to work.This year is especially important because I’m writing my final exam. I need to be laser focused. I want to pass with distinctions so that my placement in the army is smoother. I want to be one of the top picks. A lot is riding on this.“Yeah, I’ll see you then. Good luck with your exams, don&rs
“Thank you for taking me out tonight.” Golden says smiling at me; she looks so good tonight I can’t stop staring at her. My eyes keep going from her smile, to her eyes and then down to her boobs. I’m grateful we have this table between us because I don’t think I would have been able to keeps my hands to myself.I keep catching myself staring at one or the other. It’s so hard for me to keep up with the conversation because my brain keeps creating images of us that are not appropriate. Well they are not inappropriate really but they are forbidden.I promised myself I would keep my hands off of her but she’s making it impossible in that dress. She looks incredible.“It’s my absolute pleasure.” I say and she smiles that sexy smile again. She takes a sip of her water radiating sexual tension and passion.“You’re taking all the pleasure don’t I get
“Please come in.” Golden’s father says opening the door for me to get in. We shake hands as I walk in. He smiles welcoming me in. this is the first time I’ve come to Golden’s house in official girlfriend capacity.So I’m nervous, usually I have Mina and Jon as my buffer but today I am riding solo.“Thank you, how are you?” I ask him when he closes the door behind us.“I’m well and how are you?” He asks smiling at me. We walk to the living area and sit on the sofa.“I’m good.” I say smiling at him too. He sits back comfortably looking at me closely.“Golden will be down soon.” He says after a moment of silence. The mood is different, it’s not awkward but it’s so much more silent I guess.“No problem.” I say willing myself to be calmer. I don’t want to bring weird energy into the air. This is Golden’s father not a