The thought of Maverick

I gave him my phone number after talking for hours on the chatroom. Seemed only

Fitting that we share real conversations that we could pick at each other’s perspectives without having to look for each other on an IM.

If I’m being honest, there’s something about him that captivates me. I can imagine that his stellar and magnetic personality match a perfect smile and that is intelligence is met with perfect physique. He exudes confidence and although I hate to admire it - that confidence is sexy. There’s a moment where I imagine what it would be like for us to meet. Would there an undeniable connection or would the ghosts of my failed relationships haunt once again? Or was I the only one feeling this way?

I snap myself back to the reality of things. I am 19 years old, sitting in my apartment alone at midnight and I just found out that I have cancer. I’m dying. And no one wants to be with a dying girl especially not when she could potentially go bald in treatment. Not to mention that I’m most likely dying as morbid as that might sound.

I find myself sinking into my bed hoping the pillows would wrap around my face and smother me.

I finally put the thought of Maverick to rest and let my body sink into the calm and comfort that is my bed and begin to feel my eyes heavy.

Whatever I thought of Maverick would have to wait until the morning. My body begins to relax and I feel my strength begin to crumble. I had forgotten that not only do I have cancer but I also have a head injury and in the time, I’ve been home - I’ve probably done more damage than good. Not that thinking of Maverick was helping but those thoughts were out of my control.

The way he spoke, the care he showed having nothing to do with my appearance and the fire in his tone when he spoke of his ambitions in life were a match to mine. There was no denying the captivating character that I was building of him in my mind and it almost scared me to be able to think of anyone this way. I spent a lifetime never having this experience before. And it was happening now when my life was rushed into an uproar. It felt almost like a challenge. A challenge that was strictly timed in which I would have to decide whether to continue following my dream of legacy or to abandon that dream and create a simple one in which I’d allow my emotions to take the lead. A challenge I’d never even consider on a day-to-day basis.

But maybe this is my new day-to-day. Maybe I’ll find time to explore my imagination in the little time I have left as I thrive to complete the dream of legacy that I started so long ago.

Maybe - maybe, this Maverick is a test to see just how far I’m willing to go to reach that legacy before my time runs out.

And with that final thought, I slowly sink into the dark oblivion of sleep that had been calling for me since the moment I stepped into my front door. Only this oblivion was different than the one I felt in the hospital. This time - I feel a wave of hunger and frantic energy towards my future. The future I have just discovered and been told today that will potentially be cut short.