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-8-
Once the filming was done i headed to Grayson's to spend the night. A part of me felt off in a way that i couldn't quite describe but i decided to not dwell on that because i was exhausted and ready to just put everything behind me. Entering his building I went to his floor and used my key to let myself in. He was sleeping, when he was like this he was so docile and beautiful.
I took off the sweats I had been wearing and put on one of his shirts and then got into his bed. He grabbed my body and held me. His comforting warmth had me asleep. When I finally woke up my body felt refreshed and had a ghostly dull ache of exhaustion. I was alone in the bed. Grayson had left.
We couldn't have sex for a while because that asshole Andreas had fucked me hard and i felt sore. I strectched and opened the curtains. The sun was setting to my surprise. Going into the bathr
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The ÆSTHETIC -9-
By mid-afternoon, I had finally managed to roll myself out of bed. Numbness had taken over. I loved him too much to walk away but something had been broken in our relationship and I wasn't sure if it could be fixed or if this was the end. If I told Min Jae he would most likely try and beat up Grayson and that would cause more unnecessary drama especially if I decided to forgive Grayson and take him back. I stared deeply into the reflection of myself and felt tears welling up in my eyes. I had never thought of myself as easy or cheap but Grayson's words had cut me deeply and insinuated that I was nothing but dirt. People make assumptions about being a sex worker and think that it's simple, that it's an easy option to make money you just sell your body but they don't understand that it's not greed for some of us that drives us into doing it. I blinked away the few tears and turned on the water in the shower. I let the water cascade over me for a while replaying
The ÆSTHETIC -10-
I had never been so confused in my life and I needed space to not only heal and recover but to decide whether or not I wanted to keep seeing Grayson. I had informed my family that I was working on a project with Min Jae and that it would take some time that's why I couldn't be home for a while. In case my mother decided to check in with MJ, I had told him I needed some space and when I was ready I was going to tell him about everything. I took a few days off work at the boutique and found myself in a deep depressive state where I couldn't even leave my bed. On the 4th day, I finally decided that I was going to rot in bed if I didn't keep myself busy. So I went back to work. Lineh was going on about how her new friend that she met when was dating someone way more famous than Grayson which was the last thing I remembered before everything went dark. I woke up in a hospital. A nurse walked in and smiled at me with pity coloring her face. "I will call the doctor," she informed m
The ÆSTHETIC -11-
"What happened was a fucked-up coincidence, the NDA had been completed around the week of the Superbowl but I didn’t want to bring it up at the time because there was a lot going on but I was under a lot of pressure by Samson and Clyde. You know Samson is my agent and Clyde is my attorney. Clyde insisted that we have it signed as soon as possible and then they threatened me with my work contract if I didn't get it signed. Coach was even on their side. My contract had run its course with the Vipers by the time the SuperBowl had come around so I had no choice but to get you to sign so that we could renew my contract for another 5 years." He handed me his phone to look at the email thread, I sat for about 30 minutes reading through everything. He wasn't lying, which made me now doubt my conviction about whether he was on drugs when he assaulted me. "I believe you, and I can see that you are genuinely remorseful. I want us to stay together, and I am so tempted to just pretend like you d
The ÆSTHETIC -12-
Life has a funny way of teaching you tough lessons and if you refuse to learn it will keep repeating the lesson. We had developed a routine where i would see Grayson atleast twice a week during the weekday and i spent most weekends with him. On the odd occassion we wouldn't see each other on the weekend and he would spend it with Selene or his friends. I never put too much thought into it. Maybe i was careless... but what could i have done to avoid the catastrophe of that night? “We need to talk.” He said in a somber tone. I looked across at him. Where was this coming from? Everything had been good ... atleast from my side. He had been in a mood the entire date and this was how he was going to end it? I nodded, I couldn’t trust my voice to not betray the tumultuous emotions that were swirling within me. I felt on edge, something was wrong but i couldn't place my finger on it. My focus was on the passing scenery as we drove in an uncomfortable silence. He had just picked me up an
The ÆSTHETIC -13-
Was this the end of my story? The moment that i realized that Grayson didn't love me enough to change? Had he ever laid his hands on her or did he reserve those violent tendencies for women who fuck for a living? I had only just started gaining traction as an influencer. I had worked for almost a decade to get to where I am and this man was just going to selfishly snuff out my light. My parents, my siblings and my friends were going to lose me because of my shit choices in men. No, I couldn’t… I wasn’t going to let him take my life from me. Adrenalin propelled me forward and I found myself kicking him back. Because he had not expected me to do anything but take my beatings like I usually did he stumbled backwards and then lost his footing and fell. That was my chance. Without thinking the action through, I got up and ran to the door and ran to the nearest elevator. Once I was inside I whipped out my phone and went into the contacts. I dialed the first number on the co
The ÆSTHETIC -14-
When I regained consciousness, panic began to rear its sinister head. Why couldn’t I breathe on my own? where was I? I couldn't be dead because I could still feel pain even though it wasn't very intense.The last thing I remembered was the car. Fuck! Who was that man, had i been trafficked me? Was i goimg to be whore out for sleazy greedy men? A beeping sound suddnely started accelerating. The sound was so foreign to me that it made me realise that there was nothing that was stopping my eyes from opening. I finally managed to get them to start moving behind my eyelids but only one eye opened. The other remained shut. “Relax”, said a smoothe velvety deep voice. The instruction fell on deaf ears because I still didn't understand who this stranger was or what was happening. “You are safe now it’s Apollo, the man from the club”. The mention of a club did very little to calm me, I shook my head still in distress not knowing where I was or with whom I was with. I couldn't form
The ÆSTHETIC -15-
I woke up the next day and noticed that Apollo was not there. I didn’t want to be a burden, I had to go back home but I could barely move without feeling an overwhelming amount of pain. Grayson had tried to kill me. I hadn’t had a moment to really soak in and deliberate everything that had happened now as I did my heart broke and my tears expressed my state of being. I had heard of people talking about actual heartache but I didn’t think that it was possible ...until now. The man I loved tried to kill me because I refused to stay in a toxic relationship where he had gotten his friend pregnant. Didn’t he see all that I had put up with when we were together? He never saw how much I loved him. A part of me felt like mabe i hadn't done enough to show and prove to him that he meant everything to me. But the greater part knew that there was no excuse good enough for what he had done to m. The good memories were swimming in through my mind laced with the recent ones. My memories of h
The ÆSTHETIC Prologue
I had been watching him from the stage all night. Out of the crowd that was hyped for my show he was the only one who seemed disinterested and I couldnt help but zone in on him and his table. I finished up my routine and they all cheered like any other night. There was something about being on stage and being objectified that I hated. This wasn't the life I had planned for myself. I just wanted to be a model but I couldn't afford the aesthetic. The more time i spent performing the more i wondered whether i would ever Money was what I needed to jump start my career and my time was running out which was frustrating. These thoughts drowned out my earlier desire for the unknown man. Walking to the bar, I asked for five shots of jagermeister to start up the vibe for the night. I ju
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