Work just about gets me through the waking hours, though I know I am starting to behave like a zombie through lack of sleep. My parents phone each evening to check if I am okay, and I try to force a cheerfulness into my demeanour that is clearly not natural. I decided not to go down to Brighton until the day of the funeral as I am still struggling to write my eulogy. Tonight I have to finish it, so I resist the urge to lose myself once again in the kitchen and force myself to sit down in front of my laptop.
Strangely enough, once I start, this time I can't seem to stop. I fill page after page with funny, inconsequential stories about both her life and our life together. When I finally read the final draft and hit Print, I know I have produced something Nonna would like.
It is after midnight, and I know I have to be up early, so I decide to take a shower but am interrupted by a ringing on the intercom. Startled, as I never have visitors, let alone ones at this time of night, I lift the receiver and utter a cautious "Hello?""Why are you still up?" Taylor's unmistakable voice comes through. I am so surprised I drop the receiver, fumbling for several seconds before I finally pick it back up.
"Taylor, what are you doing here?"
"Why are you still up?" he repeats.
"How did you know I was still up? Are you stalking me?" My voice is incredulous.
"I was passing and your light was on, okay?"
"Um, I am hardly on the main road, and anyway, how did you know which is my light?" I retort.
"Okay, so I wanted to make sure you were all right. Look, can I come up? Sorry, I know it's late."
I pause for a second, unsure, but curiosity gets the better of me, so I press the buzzer to let him in. A minute later I hear footsteps up the flight of stairs, and I open my door, not wanting the knocking to wake my neighbour, a lovely nurse who I know is on the early shift in the morning. I beckon Taylor in and stand back with my arms around my waist once I have shut the door.
I have not spoken to Taylor since our encounter in the office on Tuesday, but he has been around on our floor more than normal. I thought he was just in meetings, but now I am wondering if something else is going on.
"Why are you here, Taylor? I have a really early start tomorrow."
Several expressions pass across Taylor's eyes. He moves a couple of steps towards me, and I catch a hint of Taylor's unique citrus scent. "I needed to know you were okay" is all he says before taking another step in my direction. I feel a bit like a cornered animal with nowhere to run.
I swallow and take a deep breath. "You could have called me."
"You never replied to my last call." Taylor is now only a couple of feet away from me.
"I didn't realise I had a message until after you told me," I whisper, my heart starting to beat rapidly. With one final step Taylor is right in front of me, forcing me to look up into his dark eyes. I feel myself melting under his molten gaze. His arms come around me, one snaking behind my waist, pulling me against his body, the other drawing my head up towards his. When his lips finally touch mine, the kiss is nothing like the ones we have had before.
The gentleness astounds me, bringing tears to my eyes. As he explores my lips, my mouth parts and he slips his tongue in, caressing mine. His hands mirror this action, gently exploring my cheeks, my hair, my back. While I start to feel aroused by his kiss, the overwhelming emotion I feel is comfort.
The kiss deepens, but I can feel his control as he maintains the lightness of his touch. My head is spinning. The emotion and lack of food over the last couple of days catch up with me, and I feel my legs buckle under me. Like some overwrought character from a historical novel, I feel my world go black and I faint.
I come to and find myself lying on my futon with Taylor hovering anxiously over me. He reaches over, smoothing my hair back off my face. "Are you okay, Abby?" Taylor’s face is calm, but underneath I can see anxiety in his eyes. I push myself up into a sitting a position. "Bloody hell, you seem to be starting to make a habit of passing out on me." Taylor offers up a weak grin.
I am desperately trying to regain my composure but still feel dizzy. Whether it is from the kiss, lack of food or just the stress of the last week, I am not sure, but when the tears start running down my face, there is nothing I can do to stop them. Taylor draws me into his lap, and I find myself sobbing into his warm chest uncontrollably. When at last my tears start to abate, I push myself back and desperately start trying to smooth my wild hair and wipe my face.
"Oh god, I am such a mess!" I wail. I try to stand up off the futon, but Taylor takes my hand and tugs me back down. "Easy now, Abby." Taylor's voice soothes my frayed nerves. "Take a deep breath and just sit for a while." I find myself complying, unsure about what is going on, but looking up into Taylor's face, trying to get a clue. Taylor holds my hands in his lap and strokes them gently. Slowly he moves up to my arms, then around my back and slowly up into my hair, all the while gently moving his fingers in slow circles.
"Lie down, Abby." I go to argue, but he pulls me down so that I am lying on my side. He spoons his body around me gently and carries on stroking up and down my body, interrupting only to switch the side lamp off and pull the quilt over me. I feel my eyes growing heavy, and when Taylor whispers, "Go to sleep," in my ear, I find myself drifting into a mercifully dreamless sleep.
The shrill of the alarm pierces my consciousness. The lack of Taylor's presence in my bed when I wake feels like déjà vu. As the reality of the day that lies ahead hits, my heart sinks. With leaden limbs I get myself into the shower, trying to blot out the image of Nonna dead on her kitchen floor that keeps resurfacing from my subconscious. It's not long before I am wrapped up in my heavy winter coat and scarf to ward off the autumn chill and pulling my case loaded up with a week's worth of my baking out the door and onto the main road to call a taxi to the station. I am just not in the mood for the bus today. I spend the journey attempting to analyse the situation with Taylor. I can't figure out why he keeps turning up when he has categorically stated that being with me can't happen. I can't help the attraction I feel, and I get the feeling that neither can he, but there is this big issue of him being my boss. Which of course on a rational level I completely understand. However, the
Seconds turn into minutes, and before I know it several hours have passed and I am shattered, my face aching from the forced smile I have attached to my face. Every now and again, I would catch sight of Taylor, but as soon as I would go to intercept him, another of Nonna's friends would grab my arm and would want to start reminiscing. Eventually, I manage to extricate myself and slip out the back door into the small courtyard garden. The light of the afternoon is fading, and the shadows offer a good place to hide for a few minutes."Thirsty?" Taylor's voice startles me. I spin around to find him standing right next to me, holding up a glass of juice. I take it gratefully as I am feeling parched from all the talking. The juice is delicious and cool, soothing my vocal cords. "Thanks, Taylor." I smile up at him, feeling shy but curious. "Um, why are you here?" I suddenly feel like I have to get to the bottom of what is going on. "Why did you come today? Why did you come to my flat last
Taylor moves around the kitchen with the ease of a practised chef. It is a pleasure watching his hands; his long fingers move swiftly, and I muse at what it would be like to feel them running along my skin. As if he knows what I am thinking, Taylor glances up and winks at me. I flush, a state that I feel like I am permanently in when I am around him. I take a large gulp of my cocktail, hoping to still my nerves, but it is not long before I feel the alcohol going to my head and I start to feel a bit glassy-eyed. Fortunately, it is not long before Taylor is sliding a steaming plate in front of me. The aroma has whetted my appetite, and I suddenly feel ravenous.Taylor rounds the island and comes to sit beside me. We eat in companionable silence for several minutes until the rumbling of my stomach starts to subside. "This is delicious. Thank you," I comment."You are very welcome." Taylor smiles at me, and I feel my cheeks going red again. We start chatting about inconsequential things,
The smell of bacon filters through my senses. I lie with my eyes shut as the memories of last night filter through. My body is aching from using muscles I didn't know I even had, but for the first time in my life, I feel whole. I try to think of what I felt like before I met Taylor, but it is as if that girl no longer exists. The reality is that I wasn't a virgin, but last night it truly felt like I had given Taylor my virginity—or even more than that, a piece of my soul. I find myself smiling, and I put out a hand, expecting to find Taylor lying beside me. I come up empty, and realising that I am alone, my eyes pop open. For the first time, I can properly take in the room I am in. The whitewashed walls, the floor-to-ceiling windows along the back wall with views across to a small lake, the overlarge bed with sumptuous pillows. There seems to be very few personal touches until I spot a montage of pictures of Taylor with a girl. Suddenly suspicious, I creep out of the b
The day passes quicker than I would have liked. We take a stroll through the village, and I can't help but exclaim over the quaintness of the cottages. I am so used to the hustle and bustle of London and Brighton that the sounds of the countryside are almost alien to me. We end up in a boutique coffee shop, where Taylor introduces me to blends from all over the world. I thought I was adventurous ordering a gingerbread latte from Starbucks at Christmastime, but that is nothing in comparison to what I have tried today. Slightly jittery from all the caffeine, we take a long stroll back and grab a sandwich, settling back in front of a fire just in time before the heavens open.The muted sunlight of the afternoon soon fades as the autumn evening rolls in. Our light conversation ranges from music to books and films, and I am surprised to learn just how much we have in common. Taylor fills me in about his gap year and how the foods from his travels inspired him to set up his company
I am too hot. The sound of birds chirping filters through my subconscious, and I surmise that it must be early, but given that we have been asleep since early evening, I have had more than my normal eight hours. I am trapped under Taylor's arm, but as I squirm to get more room, he suddenly rolls onto his back, freeing me. I study him sleeping, taking note of the way his normally spiky hair falls forward, his chin covered in stubble, his broad shoulders and his sensuous mouth.Thirst and my rumbling stomach give me the motivation to get out of bed, grab a robe and head downstairs, careful not to wake a sleeping Taylor. I make myself a coffee and pop in some bread to toast and then settle myself on the small couch overlooking the garden.My mind drifts back to the night's activities, and I remember why my body is protesting this morning. Even just thinking about it brings a flush to my face, and I start to feel horny enough to contemplate heading back upstairs to w
Taking my hand, Taylor guides me back to bed and pulls the covers over us as he spoons me, both arms cradling me gently. At this moment I feel like Taylor's most precious possession, and it scares me. This feeling of being cherished is something so alien to me that I can't believe it is going to last."Abby!" Taylor's warning tone brings me back, and I roll over to look at Taylor face-to-face. "I know when you are thinking all that crap in your head, you know."I gulp. "Sorry, Taylor. It's just that this all seems too good to be true. I don't know how to handle a guy being nice to me." Something about the way he is looking at me makes me feel like I need to explain further. "I mean, I don't have much experience, but the whole two times I had sex before this, the aftermath was, let's just say…um…horrible. And it's not like I have even been in a relationship with a guy." I can't read the expression in Taylor's eyes, so I carry on babbling."The
I manage to sneak into Taylor's office early by telling Patrice, his personal assistant, that I am dropping off some samples for him. She gives me a look but doesn't challenge me, so I leave the cake on his desk, hoping no one peeks in the plain box.My day passes in a blur, and I only stop when Michelle appears at my desk with a tapping foot, exclaiming loudly that it is lunchtime and she is hungry. I grin at her and gather up my purse so that we can head down to the little café we both love."How are you doing, chick?" she asks when we sit down with our sandwiches and coffee."I am surprisingly okay. The funeral was hard, particularly when I had to do my speech, but then Taylor stepped in…" I stop as Michelle's eyebrows disappear under her fringe in surprise. "Um, yeah, he turned up at the crematorium…" I trail off."Mr Tall, Dark and Handsome Bossman turned up at Nonna's funeral?" Michelle squeals, and I have to shush her and remind her we are in a public place. I take a breath and