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CHAPTER FIFTEEN: Memorizing The Feeling
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2025-11-20 16:20:06
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Three Loves & Everything Between CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO: An Anchor in the Morning
After that night on the balcony, it was like the entire universe finally let go of a breath it had been holding. Something tight and trembling inside me for years finally unclenched and settled into place. The tension I had carried everywhere—in my shoulders, my jaw, and the constant knot in my stomach—simply vanished, replaced by an unfamiliar, quiet ease. We didn’t wake up in a dramatic way. There were no startled movements, no panic, and no frantic, awkward rush to define the night before or discuss "what this meant." There was just a profound, comfortable warmth that filled the small space we occupied. I woke slowly, pulled gently from sleep by the soft, gray glow of morning light sneaking through the living room blinds. The room was still, the air cool, the blanket half-slipped off the couch. And Noah—Noah was still wrapped securely around me, the definition of an anchor. His arm was draped heavily and securely across my waist. His breath was warm, slow, and even against the b
Three Loves & Everything Between CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE: Not Fireworks, But Home
Chapter Twenty-One: Not Fireworks, But Home Callie gracefully surrendered the living room by passing out not long after. Noah and I moved to the balcony, the space exposed to the night and open to honest talk. The air was cool, the wind blowing past us, carrying the clean scent of distant rain. The city lights flickered below. We talked quietly at first. Then deeper. Then deeper still. He told me about his grandmother—truly told me. He described the hollow space her death had left. The guilt that he hadn't done enough. The sheer, physical loneliness that had driven him to distraction. His voice caught and trembled, and I saw tears in his eyes. And I cried. Quietly at first, then openly, because grief instantly recognizes grief, and his vulnerability unlocked mine. I told him about the baby—not just the choice, but the agonizing silence I carried afterward. The years of hidden guilt, the way Raymond used the memory against me, and the profound loneliness of going through that wit
Three Loves & Everything Between CHAPTER TWENTY: Risking the Silence
Closing the door on Raymond felt different this time. It wasn't emotional or dramatic. There were no shaking hands, no angry texts, no residual chaos, and absolutely no crying on the bathroom floor. It was calm. Utterly certain. Like a fragile, internal switch had finally flipped and locked itself permanently in place, sealing the past away. I didn't crumble under the guilt he tried to plant. I didn't talk myself into giving him "one more chance." I didn’t fall for the practiced softness in his voice or the toxic memories he tried to use against me. I simply... let go. It was a final, complete surrender of control over his existence. No more going backward. No more choosing pain just because I was used to surviving it. And when that chapter finally closed—fully, cleanly, without lingering noise—something else came back to me. Not all at once. Not loudly. But in quiet ways that felt profoundly familiar. The stillness didn't scare me. The silence now had space—not emptiness, but roo
Three Loves & Everything Between CHAPTER Nineteen: The Architecture of Readiness
The quiet I had earned became the workshop for finding myself and building my stable life. The silence allowed me to hear my own thoughts clearly for the first time in years. I started by getting rid of old things. I cleaned out closets and drawers, throwing away clothes and old junk that reminded me of my painful past. I deleted thousands of old messages to clear the past out of my present. I rearranged my whole room to create a clean, safe space that was completely mine. I was making space instinctively, preparing for a future I couldn't see yet. The journaling became my main task. Hour after hour, I wrote, pulling up buried thoughts. The core of all this written work was the realization that I needed to learn to forgive myself. This forgiveness was a heavy, necessary labor. I had to forgive the girl who stayed too long, who was afraid to be alone, and who thought she had to suffer to be worthy. But the hardest part was forgiving myself for letting others make the choice about the
Three Loves & Everything Between CHAPTER EIGHTEEN: The Quiet After the Storm
Cutting off Raymond didn't bring instant peace; it brought a massive, unfamiliar quiet that felt too big at first, like stepping into a vast, empty room where the lights haven't turned on yet. The night before was the final moment of that constant, suffocating stress, and the silence that followed wasn't comforting. It felt strange—like the sudden disappearance of a high-pitched, painful noise I had spent my entire adult life learning to tolerate. It was the absence of something I had grown pathologically used to surviving, and it left me completely unsure how to stand without the familiar pressure to resist.The first few mornings were the hardest. I woke up automatically checking my phone, my whole body tense. Not because I wanted to hear from him, but because my nervous system was trained to be ready for a fight. It was used to instantly preparing for whatever bad mood, demanding text, or manipulative trick would come next. My heart would race slightly the second I opened my eyes,
Three Loves & Everything Between CHAPTER SEVENTEEN: Healing Around The Wound
Healing is strange. It doesn’t arrive with fanfare, confetti, or a sudden, dramatic burst of clarity that solves everything. It arrives quietly, like a soft hush after a prolonged storm, and for months, I truly believed I had reached the end of the journey—the part of my life where the chaos finally relinquished its grip. I woke up in the mornings without the familiar knot of existential heaviness in my chest. I went to work, I came home, I cooked dinner, I folded laundry. Life was simple, structured, and entirely my own—a state of profound, unassuming peace I hadn’t known since early childhood. And I told myself it was because I had achieved it; I had fully and completely healed. But healing isn’t a finish line you cross and leave behind forever. It’s a vast, undulating landscape you visit and revisit, sometimes without warning, sometimes because an old path unexpectedly resurfaces. For months after the gentle dissolution with Noah, I moved through my days with an almost military
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