Just Maybe

  The feeling of his eyes on me was electrifying, and I looked down at my feet.

"So uhm..." I said, and cleared my throat. Being 18 years old made me a lot shyer, and to an extent, I was feeling so much more than I used to. It was like as I grew, I lost the part of myself that felt, and it was a little dizzying to find it again.

I had become cold and hard, and maybe...maybe this was the best version of me.

"I will go back home. And I will make sure to thank you properly."

"Thank me properly?"

"I hope we meet again." He was extremely gentle and shy, and he has a one sided dimple that gave him the pure, innocent look.

I nodded absent mindedly and watched his back as he left.

It was an especially cold morning, and he was only wearing the hospital wear. I found myself running to my closet. It had all the old clothes, the clothes I used to wear as an 18 year old jolly girl.

I checked them for a jacket, and I found only one black one. It was the only dark colored piece of clothing I had and I found myself running out.

"Hey." I said a little breathlessly. He wasn't too far off, and he turned. His hands were clasped around him, and his hair a little ruffled from the soft breeze.

"Hey. Is something wrong?" He asked.

"It's really cold out. Here's a jacket." I wrapped it around him, and he lifted his eyes to mine.

"You are so kind. Thank you."

I smiled at him and moved away, realizing that I hadn't taken a jacket myself.

"Bye, then."

"I love lavender." He said instead, then turned away and continued walking.

Lavender? What lavender?

It stayed on my mind till I went back home, and laid back on my bed. Luke was a completely different person, but maybe he wasn't the only one. Maybe our 18 year old selves were less bitter towards each other, and we had more room. More space in our hearts to let people in. More space in our hearts to forgive and understand.

I sighed and buried my face in my bed, and that was when I realized. My perfume, shampoo, conditioner and even liquid soap was all lavender scented. 

'I love lavender.'

An unwilling smile crept on my face.

"You really left the party that was organized solely for you? What is wrong with you, Karla?" Bernice was standing over me, her hands crossed. 

"I am sorry. Something came up."

We were at the cafe very close to my house, and my hands were clasped around the hot cup of coffee. How was I supposed to tell her I was attending to the man who would become my husband in 7 years?

"Something more important than your friends? I kept calling and calling, and then had to make an excuse for you in the end. It wasn't right."

"I am sorry, okay? Please sit. I am sorry."

She rolled her eyes and sat, her high top sneakers slightly grazing my foot.

"What excuse do you have?"

I shrugged. "I witnessed an accident and called the ambulance. By the time it was all done, I was so tired and just slept off."

She bit down on her lip. "You don't know the accident victims, do you?"

I shook my head. "I don't." There was no use explaining anything to her.

She sighed. "Well, it's a good excuse but...you will come for the last reunion won't you? A lot of people are getting accepted now and..we will all take different paths, you know?"

Oh I do. I do too well.

"Yes, I will make sure to."

She nodded and we drank in silence. A lot was on my mind, and my train of thoughts wasn't going the way I expected it to.

Will I see Luke again? Would he want to see me again? But what if he did? What would I do then? What if a time came that I'd have to go back to the time I came from? What if I had to relive these seven years?

"You look flustered. You haven't been yourself since yesterday. I am worried about you."

I smiled up at her. "I am really fine. I guess I just need a lot of rest before the whole processes of getting into college starts."

She nodded her agreement. "Do you want to go home now? I called you earlier because I was going to meet with Nathan around 3."

Nathan...it was a name that rang a bell that wasn't loud enough to make me recall it.

"Nathan?"

She looked at me, as if deliberating, then sighed. "My boyfriend." It looked like she had decided to give me some time, which I really needed right now. 

I felt like things in this past were coming at me way too fast and I needed to stop and catch my breath.

"Oh. Okay. I will go alone, okay? Enjoy your date."

She blushed as I stood up and left the cafe, then walked slowly back home. The sun was high up in the sky, casting its rays on me.

When I looked down at my shadow, however, there were two of them.

I looked behind me. And there was no one around who could be the owner of the second shadow, and it scared me to my bones. How can one person have two shadows?

I ran back home, trying to understand what was happening. Could it be from the glitch that brought me here? Or is there a possibility that...since the past, present and future were already established, I could meet my past self here? Or...was the shadow that of the past and the future?

I opened the door and walked in, only to hear something drop and clatter in the kitchen. Then I heard a few clapping sounds.

I hadn't locked the door because I didn't know where the keys were. Could it be that someone broke into my home?

I grabbed an umbrella and walked to the kitchen, ready to launch an attack.

There, in my kitchen, draped in flour all over, was a flustered Luke.

"Luke. What are you doing here?"

He smiled at me. Well, it was a smile, since I could see it through the flour. 

"My mum had a visitor back home." He said. 

I had a feeling it wasn't just a visitor.

"The first place I could think of was here...so I decided to bake you cookies, to thank you for the other day. Yesterday, I mean."

"Cookies?" I said laughing, but as I moved closer, I saw the best pan of freshly baked cookies on the work table. "You can actually bake." Surprise laced my voice.

Back then, I never even saw him eat at home. The first time I asked, he only shrugged and walked away.

"Yeah..I just do it really messily." He said, then snickered.

I looked from him to the pan of cookies and dropped the umbrella. Maybe I really should stop trying to unravel everything. Maybe..just maybe...I should see how this time travel back in time would turn out for both of us.