2. Heaven or Hell

The bruise on my cheek only brought a dull, lingering ache.

But it was proof of the betrayal I’d suffered at the hands of both my boyfriend and my father. They had valued me so little all this time. They acted as if I didn’t exist.

This would leave a scar far more painful than any physical wound.

My eyes were fixed on my father and Evelina, who sat across from me. Father’s men were already posted behind me. Is Father really that afraid I’ll attack his precious woman? Is he more scared of losing Evelina than of losing me?

“I can’t tolerate your actions, Anna.” Father opened the conversation.

“Which action?” I asked flatly.

"Attacking your mother."

I tilted my head. "My mother? She’s dead, Father. She was buried not long before you married your mistress."

"Alistair!" Evelina shrieked hyperbolically, as if my words had wounded her more than anyone else on earth.

Father only drew a breath and gave me a look that mixed disappointment and anger. That look should have been aimed at Dimitri, Victoria, and the bitch sitting beside her.

I wasn’t at fault here; I had been made the scapegoat.

Father stared at me intently. “We do not dwell on the past, Anna.”

I didn’t want to argue with him. It would get me nowhere. So I stayed silent, sitting up straight and holding myself together.

My heart felt like it was breaking into a thousand pieces, and sometimes I wished I would die rather than continue living.

My dreams were shattered, and every plan I had imagined was destroyed. Why should I remain in this world?

"The news about your broken engagement and everything that happened has become quite the talk. Do you realize its effect on me, Anna? Your actions have damaged my reputation," Father said.

I was the one hurt here! And yet, Father feels threatened by my actions?

“So you’re punishing me?” I asked.

"We don't give punishments to adult women like you, Anna."

I heard Evelina scoff and whisper, "Adult woman," with scorn. She rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. Such a snob.

"I'll give you two options so you can improve your attitude and reflect on what you did." Father sighed. "Become a nun or attend Bastorin Academy."

Neither was an option for me; both were forms of coercion.

Becoming a nun would mean entering a world of purity and religiosity—the opposite of my father's life.

Why force me there? So I won't follow in his footsteps? Does he hope that holy water will calm my rage?

As for Bastorin Academy, it's supposedly where demon souls are forged before being unleashed into the world. That academy is hell on earth. I don’t understand why Father would push me into it.

Is it punishment in disguise? Or is he trying to slowly kill me, hoping I won't survive?

What are my options? Heaven or hell?

"Why don't you just disown me? I’ll leave immediately, Father,” I said casually.

"You're still part of the Lancroft family, Anna. If you choose to leave, choose the first option. If you want to prove you’re worthy of the Lancroft name, graduating from Bastorin is the way to do it.”

I started tapping the soles of my shoes against the floor, weighing my options—both poison, of course.

"It's better to put Anna in the convent, Alastair. There she can become better,” Evelina whispered, but I heard her clearly.

Then I realized that Evelina wanted the Lancroft power in her own hands. If I chose the convent, she’d be satisfied. Choosing the straight and narrow would cut me off from worldly affairs.

Of course, Father expected me to choose the convent. In his eyes, a convent would suit me. I wouldn’t be miserable; I’d live in peace and be forgotten.

To my father, having a daughter was a disgrace. I was a failed product, a mistake, because I was born female, not male. Because of me, the Lancroft line would have no heir.

It was my fault for being born.

If I confronted my father about that, he would deny it. He always said that I was too lost in my own head. He thinks I’m ignorant and blind.

"You'll find peace if you become a nun," Evelina said with a smug smile.

Too bad—peace is not what I seek. I want to fuel my revenge with an even bigger flame. Even if I have to descend into hell.

“So, Anna, what’s your decision?” Father asked.

I grinned. "I'll gladly go to Bastorin, Father."

*

The trunk lid closed as my suitcase was loaded into the car. I glanced at the deserted terrace, which reflected the emptiness of my heart at that moment.

My hate and anger may dull a bit if Father accompanies me. Even if he came with his insults or a cold "Farewell, Anna."

But no, Father didn’t show.

This made my feelings of being ignored and worthless burn even brighter. Was I really that insignificant to Father?

Then why did he give me a decent life? Was it to atone for his guilt over Mother? Or was it merely out of duty as a parent?

"Miss Anna, shall we go now?" The driver's voice broke my reverie.

I nodded weakly and stepped toward the car. At that moment, another vehicle pulled into the driveway. Dimitri rushed out of the car and ran toward me.

My breath caught. Why would Dimitri come here?

"Anna! Anna!” he called out.

The driver immediately stepped between us, but I told him to move aside. I took a few steps forward and faced Dimitri.

"Please, don't go!" Dimitri begged. "Don't go to Bastorin. I’m begging you!"

I didn’t need to guess—Dimitri knew where it came from. It was obvious from whose mouth to whose.

"Oh, so you want me to become a nun?" I asked sarcastically.

"Forgive me, Anna. I made a huge mistake! I regret it all. I love you, Anna!" Dimitri babbled.

"Where was that love when you betrayed me time and time again?" I shot back.

"I'm begging you, Anna! Don't do this to me! I’m worried about what will happen if you go to Bastorin. You know what that academy is like!"

"I know."

"Alexei Vasiliev runs that academy! Your father’s rival. Anna, you’ll be a target there. Think again.” Dimitri looked anxious.

Alexei Vasiliev?

Hmm. I’d heard the name before. He's one of the Nightshade members—ambitious and ruthless. He had inherited the academy from his father, who was also a former Nightshade.

"Come with me, Anna. You and I, anywhere, far away from all of this,” Dimitri blurted out suddenly.

"No, Dimitri." I smiled as I firmly refused.

"Anna, I know you’re angry at me. But going to Bastorin will only make you suffer more."

"I will enjoy every bit of that suffering, Dimitri. I won't have to feel the pain from your betrayals anymore."

Dimitri just stared at me with a moonstruck, tear-filled look. I once thought his sensitivity was romantic. Now, he just seemed dramatic and whiny.

"Goodbye, Dimitri," I said.

I climbed into the car without looking back. Tears slid down my cheek.

There were so many insults I wanted to hurl at him. I wanted to let my anger consume me until it exploded, and through that destruction, I would find satisfaction.

But I couldn’t.

A tiny thread of love for Dimitri held me back, and that made me feel weak and like a loser.

Despite how terrible Bastorin might be, I was ready to go. To meet the person I feared most: Alexei Vasiliev.