Toast With Jelly: The Tragedy of a Lesbian Confused

It was so scary when I finished graduating but not that much scary because I've been a bit smart and thought ahead for myself. Pecks of staying with smart people.

So while my friends and I were in college, Precious started a company and three years later it's blossoming like anyone's business. Susan was about to start working for the biggest IT company in the country and I... well lets just say I've been pretty awesome with words to a point where I published two of my books without even an editor.

Tadaaaaaaaaa yep. All me..

So I had money... I was swimming in it, but I needed a stable job so I can keep on writing. So, because I was way over my head and an idiot I applied for anything under writing, be it be an editor, copywriter or just a writer.. everything.

So a few days ago I got a call from some company called L.V PUBLISHING HOUSE...

I asked Susan to Google the company for me and tell me the most important things about it.

Turned out that it was now four years old and has pretty much grown for a new company. Published a few nice books, I've seen their authors on tv and met some at book launches. For that I trusted them to hire me.

"So I ladies am soo ready to go get this job at Love Very Publishing House..tomorrow" I said making my friends laugh.

"Idiot that L.V doesn't stand for Love Very..." Precious said throwing a pillow at me and Susan got up, "let me make food because I swear we will be cooped up on this couch the whole day if I don't get up your asses really need to start being passionate about food."

I laughed, "really we do?"

Precious looked at me, "maybe we do. So what are you making us today Chef Susan..?"

"I'm just going to cook your big ass and mix it with Olly's big head or hair.. I'm not sure, still trying to figure that shit out..." the white girl responded and we all erupted into laughter..

It was a blessing to be staying with these two, our friendship was solid four years later and we had each other's backs.

Soon after after Ms Louw left my high school it wasn't easy. I would miss her on a daily basis but Jasmine was there. It was crazy how different yet the same she was to Ms Louw. by August Jas and I were solid, the thought of Ms Louw still hurt but not that much, I was trying to move on.

Sandra, she hated me more when Jasmine picked me over her after trying so hard to separate us. Jas talked to her, pointed blankly that she needed to stop being obsessed with her and start living her life because no matter what she did, she'd never love her. Next thing I knew Sandra wasn't attending, she went to get help cause she was "depressed.." it was funny really in an odd way. But since then I saw Sandra free..

Life at home became a bit better, I was letting my mom in and she was for the first time a mother to me. Our relationship was beginning to be great and she loved Jasmine and I.. She supported me and was insanely overprotective over Lizzie and I.

After high school, I got a scholarship and Susan was accepted at the same university.. Precious moved to Johannesburg too but she did her own thing. In three months we were fully owners of a 3 bedroom apartment in Centurion. yeah I know, fancy.. I used some of the money my "dad" left for me and Precious with Susan added and we bought the darn place..

Jasmine and I kept dating until she got accepted at some dance academy in New York city and then she had to move six months down the line.

Everything was perfect until the time difference killed us including school and then me writing my books on the side and soccer.. time for us reduced then we concluded that it was best we part ways. She told me she loved me and always will. I loved the kid too.. cared for her and always would. Since her and I literally stopped dating. I've had girls wanting me but I was focused on my Shit.

Jasmine would visit her family here in S.A and then I'd get laid. It just happened.. we would say we are meeting for a drink and she'd end up under me in my bedroom... and I didn't complain. Neither did she.. we enjoyed each other's company.

The first year went on like that and I published my first book TIMELESS... then the second book was published the following year. During my 3rd year I started writing my book.. my real life story.. about the shit my father put me through. That one was hard to title. Hence I was still writing it even today under the title UNTITLED

Louw? Let's just say that woman took a part of me I thought never existed and she left me with it. I was now, today okay because I made peace with loving her even though she wasn't a part of my life, but not before. I'd literally check her on her Facebook even though we were not friends.. and I'd kinda stalk her on other social media platforms.

Susan tried to stop me and monitored me. I left Louw alone when she posted a picture of her and her family (including her wife) on her birthday the following year, saying it was a day well spent with her loved ones... Something died in me when I finally gave up.. something shut down in me and whatever it was, I can't even explain it today.  Because even today I can't love anyone.

"This thing of me cooking for your asses has to end..." Susan complained and I laughed, "Precious can cook... me.. I'll write food for you."

My friends laughed as we ate. Tomorrow was my interview and I was a bit nervous to be honest. The company I'm going to might be small, but it has done a lot of shit and I was a bit nervous..

"I'm off and I'm not washing dishes.. Tomorrow it's a special day for me."

"Fine. I'll wash them tonight only.. from tomorrow it's you foreeeever."

I laughed at Precious, "in your dreams Rosie.. goodnight bitchess..."

I went to bed and slept. Everything else was going to happen tomorrow and I needed to trust that I could do this.

...

I woke up refreshed and my mind was fresh. After a long shower I went to my closet. White shirt, black lace suit for females and some black heels. I felt like a Goddess. My hair was long, but Susan helped put my three wave wig on.

"Holly shit... why am I not gay.." Precious exclaimed the moment I waled into the living room. I rolled my eyes, "Because you weren't amongst the lucky ones.."

She got up and fixed my shirt, "shit.. if you don't get this job... you'll at least get a girlfriend.. trust me there."

"I don't want a girlfriend.. I want a job.."

"Sleep your way to the top... I'm sure they'll want you, you look sexy as fuck.." Susan said and I showed her my middle finger, "fuck you!?"

"Heeey be respective. You're going to a flipping interview.. so calm down and pay no attention to Susan.." Precious tried to calm me down. I was just stressed. I took Precious's car keys, "let me go guys.. I'll see you later.."

"Get you a girl..."

"Go fuck Max or Marcus..." I said and they laughed.

I quickly hopped in, making sure I have each copy of my books and my file ready. Traffic wasn't that much on a Thursday and Sandton was just around the corner for me.

I arrived at the company. Pretty awesome place for a new company.. I mean it was not even five years old. I parked at the parking lot and made my way to the big skyscraper.

I got inside the elevator and pressed 8th floor like they said on the call. My heart was beating so so hard on my chest. When the lift made that 'ding' sound I almost jumped.

I quickly got out and followed down the passage where I was welcomed by a huge wooden desk with big written letters that spelt "L.V Publishing House.. Every word forms a story"

I nodded to myself, there were about three chairs and a couch next to it there was a glass table with magazines.

I went to the guy at the reception table, "hi... I'm Olwethu Lin...came for the..."

"Interview at 10, they will be done now now, you can wait for them by the couch...." he cut me off with this huge smile on his face.

I smiled, "thank you.." I moved back to the couch and sat down.

"I love your suit by the way and out of everyone who's been in here, you look the best and are the youngest.." he said and I looked at my suit then said thank you. But then what ge said lingered into my head. I was the only youngest. Fuck! Of course editors are old people who have had 30 experiences and shit. I had non. I shouldn't even be here. Like why the fuck did I do this to me?

I was now starting to freak out. I wanted to just up and leave.

"Hey.. honey relax... you were called here for a reason.. those people are just as nervous as you. You are young, that's an advantage..." the guy said probably realizing how panicky I was.

I took in a few breaths, "thanks. Means a lot."

He winked, "good.. now where did you get your suit...?"

I laughed and answered him. A few other questions and I was called in.

I went in and answered as many questions as possible.

"So, personal question.. how did you manage to self publish two books and sell so many copies I mean that was just amazing. Worse for an 18 and 19 year old you.." the woman who has been staring at me finally asked.

I smiled, "well it wasn't easy, but I had already a fan base kinda.. so when I wrote before finishing my high school, I was doing it to put out my style of writing and it got a lot of people reading and asking for me to publish.. so I finally did research and followed everything I learnt.. when I did publish I got support, my friends helped me.."

She ached her brows, "so you did the book from scratch..? Everything?"

"Yes ma'am. Everything, the cover, editing.. it was all on me."

She took out a copy of my first book from her bag, "I'm impressed.. I couldn't put this down I just wanted to know more and more.. so any books coming from you anytime soon..?"

I smiled at her compliment, "I'm writing another one.."

"Because I have been waiting. I mean after the second one I expected the 3rd one last year.."

I laughed, my nerves were now totally gone and I was comfortable, "I got caught up with school last year and then some other staff..." like my father being moved from the prison he was in to the maximum security one since he tried escaping.. I thought but didn't say out loud.

"Good. I'm looking forward to reading that.." the three of them said.

They all got up, "thank you so so much for seeing us.. it was nice to personally meet you..we will get back to you."

"Thank you for this opportunity.."

"Travel safe.."

I smiled and left. Fuuuuck that was intense...

I said by to the guy at the reception and left.

.

"Did they say 'don't call us and we will call you?'..before you left?"

I shook my head, "no.. yes... fuck I don't recall..."

"Relax... breath you got the darn job.." Precious said and I rolled my eyes, "you've been singing that song for the past three days and I haven't gotten any call."

It was now Friday and I was freaking out. I haven't gotten any call or email. I was losing my mind.

She kissed my cheek, "I don't befriend let alone stay with dumb people, that job is yours, they are just looking for your numbers... Relax and go buy us food.. I'm starving."

I rolled my eyes but did anyways. Pizza, I was feeling junk..

When I came back my two best friends were staring at me.

"What's wrong?" I asked and they looked at each other then back at me.

"Rosie and Susan what the fuck is going on...? What's wrong?"

Precious showed my phone, "you got a text and we read it."

"How the fuck did you guys know my password?"

Susan laughed, "it's so fucken easy dude.. so the text want you back in Sandton tomorrow at 3am.."

My heart almost stopped, "L.V Publishing House?"

"Yes..."

From then my mind could not function well. My friends said being called in was actually a good sign coz they couldn't call me to turn me down.. it sounded good.. so I stuck to it.. but 3pm tomorrow was like 3 years from now..I could literally feel every second..

...

I slowly made my way to the office where I once was four days ago. It was scary as fuck and to make things worse the two ladies I saw here for the interview were also in now.

"The last of the final three.. honey, I'm Jeremy and I wanna say get you something to drink there, you'll be here a while." The guy at the reception said.

So he was telling the truth, I was called in for three but they called me in their office at 15:45.. I was tired as fuck and wanted to just go home and sleep.

"Hi.." I said walking in and there was just that woman who asked me questions about my books last time.. Mrs Khazi..

"How are you today..?"

"I'm okay thanks and you.."

"You look nervous.."

I nodded, "God is it that obvious..?

She laughed, "yes it is.. just relax.. sit down.. the job is yours.."

I stood there and just looked at her. Did I hear her correctly? Did she say the fucken job is mine?

"Ms Lin..?"

"Yes?"

"Sit down.. the job is yours..."

Shit! There again.. I slowly sat down and continued looking at her.

"So.. when are you ready to start...?"

I blankly looked at her. Is this how it's done or is she pulling my leg. Like I felt like someone was going to walk in and say "you've been punked.."

"So Lin, we have like loads and loads of manuscripts that needs to be read, when do you think you'll be able to start...?"

I furrowed my brows, "wait... you are actually serious...?"

She laughed, "I am very serious..."

"So I got the job?"

"Yes you did..."

..

"And I got the job.." I screamed on the phone and I heard my friends screaming too.

"So like come back, we getting ready, partying and getting you laid tonight."

I rolled my eyes, "guys don't start.."

"Jasmine hasn't been here for over seven months.. we are so getting you fucked tonight.."

I laughed and hung up, arguing with them was no use at all... this was a great start.. I got a job...

I got a fucken job..