Chapter 6

:Fear and pain

The next day, I wasn't feeling well, so I skipped my lectures and stayed in my room. It was hard for me to look my friends in the eyes and lie to them. That was one of the reasons I chose to stay home.

I spent the entire day lying in bed, staring at the ceiling. I don't even remember how many times I cried. Eventually, when my eyes grew heavy, I turned to my side and closed them.

The ringing of my phone woke me up. I answered without even checking who it was.

"You're still not replying to my messages. I was getting worried. Are you okay?"

Hearing Amelia's voice, I opened my eyes.

"What time is it?"

I glanced at the clock—it was already eleven.

"Were you asleep? Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you, but I was really worried."

"It's fine. I'm okay, don't worry."

"Why didn't you come to university today? Did something happen again?"

Amelia's voice changed, filled with concern.

"No, don't worry. I just wasn't feeling well. I stayed in my room all day."

"Alright, but you're coming tomorrow, right? I miss you."

"I miss you too. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Good! And don't be late. Also, answer my messages!"

"Okay, okay, Mom."

I heard Amelia laugh but she didn't say anything.

"Goodnight, Ivy."

"Goodnight, Em."

I hung up and went back to sleep.

When I opened my eyes, I slowly sat up in bed. For a few moments, I just sat there, disoriented. In five days, I would wake up in a different room. And, God... if he forbade me from going to university, what the hell was I supposed to do? Damn it.

I checked my phone—I still had an hour before I had to leave.

I got up and went to the bathroom. Taking off my nightclothes, I stepped under the shower.

Don't cry. Don't cry. Damn it, don't cry.

But I couldn't help it. What was I supposed to do if he didn't let me finish university? Or if he forbade me from seeing my friends? What would I do without them? I couldn't hold back anymore—I started crying out loud. I felt sorry for myself. I hated my life. I hated the fact that I had no control over it.

When I finally calmed down and finished my shower, I wrapped myself in a towel and went to the mirror. I grabbed my toothbrush and toothpaste and started brushing my teeth. Because of my father, my wrist was bruised and aching. I knew I'd have to keep wearing long sleeves for a while.

After leaving the bathroom, I grabbed a gray tracksuit and put it on. Then, I took a white long-sleeved shirt and pulled it over my head. I dried my hair with a towel, grabbed my bag, and quietly slipped out of the house, making sure no one saw me.

On the way, I texted Amelia to let her know I was coming—I didn't want her to worry again. She was always the most emotional and anxious one in our group. Last summer, Lily had a fever for two weeks, and Amelia barely left her side. Lily's mom still laughs whenever she tells that story.

When I got off the bus, I walked twenty minutes to the university. As I approached the entrance, I spotted Noah, Amelia, and Lily. I quickened my pace, and before I could even reach them, Amelia ran toward me and hugged me so tightly I could barely breathe.

"Baby, I missed you!"

"I missed you too, Em. But now it's our turn—move aside."

Noah gently pulled Amelia away and hugged me next.

"Are you okay?"

I nodded and gave him a small smile. He kissed the top of my head before stepping back.

"I'm glad you're alright. You know you just have to call if you need anything, right?"

"I know."

I smiled at him again before turning to Lily, who was quietly waiting for her turn. I opened my arms, and she immediately stepped forward.

"I'm glad you didn't stay home for too long. You know we get bored without you."

"I know. And I also know that out of the three of you, I'm your favorite."

The three of them laughed and shook their heads. Then, with our arms wrapped around each other's shoulders, we walked into the university together.

The day passed by so quickly. When I checked the time, it was already five o'clock.

"Is something wrong?"

Lily placed a hand on my shoulder.

"No, nothing."

"Then why do you keep looking at your phone?"

Damn it. Is it that obvious?

"I was just thinking about how fast these days are going by. I was checking the time."

That had to be the dumbest excuse I'd ever come up with.

Lily gave me a strange look but didn't say anything else.

"Ivy, if you want, you can stay with me for a while."

Amelia's voice was gentle yet firm.

"Amelia, I already told you I can't. I don't want to make things worse. You know how much he hates it when I stay somewhere else."

My so-called father had never liked it when I spent the night elsewhere. I didn't even know why, but he just wouldn't allow it. However, when he was away on business trips, no one could tell whether I was home or not. So I would sneak out and stay at Amelia's with Lily, or they would come to my place. Those nights were the best—I forgot everything when I was with them. We would talk for hours about everything and laugh until our stomachs hurt. The thought that I might not be able to do that anymore terrified me.

"Alright... but call me if anything happens, okay?"

"Okay. And stop worrying so much. I have to go now—I'll see you both tomorrow."

I stood up and grabbed my bag. Lily suddenly took my hand and stood up as well.

"I'll drive you home."

The entire ride was silent. I knew Lily well enough to know that she suspected something but was choosing not to say anything. And I was grateful for that because I wasn't sure I could handle her questions.

"We're here."

Lily's voice pulled me from my thoughts. I blinked and looked around—I hadn't even realized we'd arrived.

I turned to her with a small smile. "Thanks, Lily. See you tomorrow." I reached for the door handle, but her voice stopped me.

"Wait."

I froze. Please, don't ask. Please, don't ask.

"What is it?"

"You know that no matter what happens, the three of us will always be here for you. And if you ever need to talk, you can always come to us."

"I know."

I wasn't sure if she even heard me. My voice was so quiet. Before stepping out of the car, I leaned over and hugged her tightly. Then, without another word, I rushed toward my house—I couldn't let her see my tears.

The moment I entered my room, I went straight to the bathroom. I stripped off my clothes, turned on the cold water, and stepped under the shower. Closing my eyes, I let the tears continue to fall.