Chapter 6: Did I Cry? I Don't Remember

~KIERA, at present~

"Almost there!" I can see the door to the next stage just a few feet from me! I can do it!

However, I'm not the only sperm who's going in that direction. Some sperms swim fast as they entered that door.

I stumbled as I couldn't take this current wave of sperms. I stayed in one place while getting bounced off everywhere.

'Ahh, will I make as the last one again? Or couldn't anymore?'

While rolling and bouncing around, I got a good look at my body that I tried to ignore.

This is bad, now that I see it, I could feel the horrid pain. Visuals are everything when it comes to pain no matter what your mind says. That's me.

My tail was thinner and lost half of it and my head, it seems lighter than before. Seeing I'm surrounded by acid bubbles, gives more pain.

Is this what it feels like to take a bath in a muriatic acid bathtub?

I keep rolling as sperms past me, I don't have much energy nor mood to continue anymore.

Why am I here like this? Why didn't I just choose to die peacefully and follow a reaper?

Why am I insisting to take this race for the half-ass wish?

I don't even know if he will remember that promise.

Sigh...

Am I not content in the life I had?

Oh wait, I have no choice not to complain, so...  I'm not certain what I feel.

What do I feel?

I don't know.

I hadn't asked that question to myself a long time ago.

My life has been peaceful enough... When did it start to change?

Ah, I remember...

It was when she met him...

It was when she was born...

.......

~KIERA, at nine years old when she was still alive~

"Where are your doll's clothes?" I asked Angel as we played for the last time.

It is time, they had been with us for a month or two, their passports and new names are ready. 

It's time... They are going to leave the country later and I might not see her anymore.

So we are playing for the last time.

Angel's father still hadn't found them and it was a good thing. That father doesn't deserve to be one nor a husband. 

Sometimes I daydream about being a martial artist so that I could protect my mom and Angel from any harm.

I also daydream about having super strength so that I boast it to my previous friend and I can still see them with my flying ability.

But I had none of those. 

I can only play inside this house.

When I was at school before vacation, I asked my mom if I can learn Karate at school, it's a free registration and all. But she didn't want to.

She said she knows the pain and suffering from learning one as she learned it before, she didn't want me to experience the same.

So I didn't ask anymore. She's my mother, she didn't want anything to harm me.

I didn't know in the future I would learn the word 'overprotective' because of that.

I didn't know there are signs in this past I ignored would be a crucial point in the future.

I didn't know I would hope to be stuck in my past.

"Here it is!" Angel grabbed the paper clothes on the floor and gave them to me as I helped her doll to get dress.

I wanted it to be perfect when putting it on her doll so I insist to do it instead. I don't want it to get broken or misshape.

I didn't know thinking perfect like this would be hard for me to change... in the future that is.

Looking at the doll, it is pretty. I drew the dress well and beautiful, I'm so proud of myself.

However, it reminds me of something.

Last year, when mom and her ex-boyfriend were still together, I asked mom to buy me a 'Baton'.

It's for scouts, a majorette to be exact. I wanted to wear a green dress and joined the parade! 

But mom's ex-boyfriend took the money for my clothes. To join that scout, I must have a uniform.

The registration is free as it's a public school but we must have a uniform.

That man said mom didn't give me anything nor mom want me to be one.

Mom was busy working out of town.

But I knew it was a lie when he said that.

I didn't know why but I can feel lies around him.

That's why I don't like him.

But mom does so I can't say anything.

Remembering last year, I remembered my greatest regret... again.

When mom and her ex-boyfriend's relationship crumble, mom was still outside and that man with his niece, planning to go somewhere with a bag on.

They told me I should come but I said I would wait for mom because mom said so.

However, I got scared. They told me I would be alone and mom won't be coming home.

I know something is wrong and they keep insisting I should come, I know I shouldn't but when they said I would be alone I got scared.

So I followed them.

I regretted it the next day.

Because the next day, while I was playing with some kids in another town, mom was getting beaten by that ex-boyfriend of hers.

I don't know how I got back but I came back and saw her face beaten up. The neighbors told me it took 4 rounds before the fight stops.

This is the first time I felt regret...

I came near to her and she looked at me with her eyes.

Eyes full of resentment...

Anger...

Despise...

'I told you to stay! Why didn't you! This is all your fault!' That's what she said to me with those eyes.

I don't know what happens next but I know I stood still as she shouts those words at me while the neighbors hold her.

Did I cry? I don't remember.

But I stared at her as I stood still.

I don't know how long it took but I keep staring at her full of regrets and stayed.

After that, I stopped caring about myself. I tried not to be selfish anymore.

I tried not to be scared in the dark.

And embraced the loneliness.

I felt comfortable alone.

Because nobody would tell me what to do, nobody would blame me if I make mistake, nobody would make faults at me if I'm alone.

So after that incident, we moved out here and I stayed quietly at home while she works.

I like it. I like to be alone...

I still regret that time even now. If only I stayed back then. If only I didn't have fears. If only I choose to be alone waiting for her. She wouldn't look at me with those eyes.

"Ate Kiera, you ripped the dress." Angel woke me up from my past.

I stared at the doll and the dress, then threw it in the garbage. Both of them.

Angel looked at me with wonders.

"The dress got ripped, my bad. It's not perfect anymore." I told her.

"Hmm? But the doll is still fine." She asks.

"The dress belongs to her if the dress is ripped..." I took back the doll and ripped it before throwing it back to the small bin with the paper dress. "...the doll must rip too. So that they can be together!"

I smiled at her sweetly, "I'll make a new one and prettier. So it's okay."

"Okay! But isn't it a waste?" 

Ah, I remembered, I shouldn't waste paper, because it's mom's money.

Once again I grabbed it back, both of them. "Stay here." I went to the bathroom and ripped both of them into pieces like a shredder. 

I made sure I shred it into pieces then flush it. "There, no more evidence."

I know no tissue or anything should be flushed down there but just this once is fine. I can't burn it as they would smell the smoke. Mom and Angel's mom are just upstairs after all.

I went back to the sala and got Angel's attention somewhere else and made a new doll for her. She didn't seem to remember nor care about the doll anymore so we played until it's time.

Then, it's time to say goodbye. I hugged Angel tightly before letting her go. I let her have the paper dolls we created.

I had fun being her playmate at the same time being her babysitter. 

However, I didn't know this is just the beginning. A practice fate gave me... For the bigger one in the future.

As mom would meet the guy who would change our lives.

.......

~KIERA, at present ~

No! Nothing would change even if she came!

Because I'm the one who shouldn't be born in the first place.

She was created for a perfect family... I wasn't... I'm just extra baggage whose purpose to... take care of her!

And now, I was given a chance...

A chance to make my own life... mine!

After struggling in the crowd, I finally got free.

Because all the sperms except me are in the next round already. 

Or so I thought...

Sigh...

I balanced myself back but I kept wiggling...

Until a sperm who's smooth, shiny, and still complete, helped me back up.

Then together, we went to the next round.

[ROUND ONE COMPLETED]

[ROUND TWO: CERVIX! MUCUS TRAP!]

[SPERM COUNT: 10M/107M]

[PLAYERS: 45/45]

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KircheLeaf

Arc 1: Enchantrix Race!

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~END of CHAPTER SIX~