Turning to God for His First Love

Ever since Evan Moore renounced his worldly pursuits in order to pray for me, I would visit him at the monastery once every month.

However, he wasn't in the meditation chamber today.

As I waited for Evan inside, a breeze blew open his handwritten scripture. I was surprised when I casually skimmed through the words on the pages.

He had always been protective of this handwritten scripture. Every time I asked to see it, he insisted I fast and pray for a week first.

However, it was impossible for me to meet such strict demands when I still had to take care of our son.

I understood Evan's good intentions, so I never pushed it. But now, as the breeze turned the pages, I finally realized that the rows of inked words weren't scriptures at all.

My hands trembled as I picked up the booklet and flipped through its pages.

With a tenderness that spoke of deep affection, Evan had written down every detail of his love for a woman named Jade Spencer.

From preparing hand warmers in the winter, serving gazpacho in the summer, to warm herbal teas for periods—all the care he had once shown me, he had shared with her.

I flipped to the day I had a difficult labor.

Evan wrote, "I can't imagine how heartbroken I would've been if it had been Jade who was in such excruciating pain—the thought alone brought me to tears. Thankfully, it wasn't her.

"Thank goodness our son was born healthy. I can now live without seeing her again, and remain faithful to Jade."

I froze. It turned out that the tears Evan had shed by the delivery bed weren't for me. The reason he had renounced his worldly pursuits wasn't to pray for me as well.

Everything he did was for Jade. All the affection he had for me was never real.

The reason Evan had named our son Jadon Moore wasn't at all because of his gratitude to God—but it was because of her!

All that talk about the most perfect and grand marriage of convenience—they were all merely his lies.

I was nothing more than a pawn in the game of love between him and his first love.

Those once-sweet words had now turned into sharp blades, slicing away at my sanity.

I only wanted to grab hold of Evan and ask him—what did our years together mean? What about our child? Was I not someone with feelings too? Why did he have to toy with me like this?

However, when I found the abbot of the monastery, he told me that Evan had gone home.

Despite knowing that I would visit him on this day every month, he still left. That only meant that whoever he went to see or whatever he went to do mattered more to him.

I recalled the last few hastily written words: "Jade is back."

I stormed out of the monastery, only to realize that I never knew any of Evan's friends despite being married to him for years.

I had no other means of contacting him. We were just like strangers, despite being the closest to each other.

I checked my phone repeatedly, my anger churning within me, over and over, until it eventually turned into a feeling of utter despair. I felt lost and hopeless.

…

As soon as I returned to the villa, I spotted an extra pair of shoes at the door.

Were Evan and his mother, Hannah Green, both in?

Hannah and I had always been in a good relationship. I instinctively wanted to turn to her and cry.

But the moment I walked toward the door, I heard Jade's name.

"Jade suffered a lot, Mom. I'm only transferring half of my assets to her now." Evan sounded impatient, and Hannah sighed in reply.

"It's not that I don't agree with it, but just don't make it so obvious. Cynthia isn't someone you can fool easily. You have to understand—business is business, and feelings are feelings. Don't get yourself confused."

Hannah, who had always showered me with affection, was now talking about how I wasn't easily fooled. She even supported Evan's motion to transfer half of his assets out.