6. Her kînks

Riley and I ended up talking about everything and nothing at all. She told me about Erica, the small woman I’d seen with Antonio: his wife. Like me Erica was also Riley’s best friend, she was the prime cheerleader for their relationship and I was glad that Riley had someone else other than me in her corner. And unlike me Erica wasn’t too lost in her past to not be there for her when she needed her. But as much as I was scared of the world they were associated with, I knew if it wasn’t for Antonio I won’t be sitting here with my friend without worrying about my son’s health and safety.

The thought of my little baby had my heart clenching in my chest and I focused back on Riley as she regaled me with her new life that she’d started with her boyfriends: Leo and Ephraim. And as she looked at them with stars in her eyes and love that was nakedly visible on her face, it sent a sharp pang through my heart.

And, not for the first time, I wondered what it’d be like to be loved like that? With Riley sharing everything she’d experienced when their relationship was new, and now as she sat there, I couldn’t help but think how it must be for her to have not one but two men who loved her and were so obsessed with her that they never left her alone. She didn’t have to worry about thugs coming after her or a random creep touching her. I bet Ephraim wouldn’t just sit and not do something. What with being a right hand man and a personal bodyguard to Antonio, he’ll probably kîll the guy for touching his woman before asking a question.

The thought that if I had someone like that my life would be so much easier, sent a strange warmth through me, a heat that settled low in my stomach. I tried to brush it away, but it lingered, unwanted and unfamiliar. Because I knew I could never be as free with my emotions as Riley was, could never trust a man to let my walls down enough to care, much less to love.

The truth was, I didn’t know what love felt like. I didn’t even know what it meant to be touched, kissed, desired. If I knew once, I obviously forgot that too with all the other things.

Since the accident—since losing my memory—the past was a gaping void. The faces, the voices, the moments that made up my life before were gone, as if they’d been wiped clean. I didn’t know if I’d ever been in love or if someone had ever looked at me the way Leo and Ephraim looked at Riley.

And in the twelve years since, I hadn’t allowed myself to think about it.

Survival had left no room for anything else. Every choice I made, every sacrifice, was for one reason: to keep him safe. My son.

The thought of him brought both a pang of guilt and sadness, because I hated how I didn’t even remember how he was conceived. Often times, I’d wondered and discarded the idea of if I even wanted his father— because I loved my son, and to think that he could be a product of something so vile makes my blood run cold and stomach turn. Everything I had done till now was for my son. I had dedicated last twelve years of life to him and I’ll continue to do so no matter what the truth was, I just didn’t like that negative thought whenever it entered my mind.

After finishing our late brunch, we stood up from our table and Riley grabbed my hand as she tugged me toward where her men were standing. As soon as she was within their reach, Ephraim grabbed her and pulled her between their towering frames.

Riley rolled her eyes, but I saw the warmth reflecting in her expression. She loved it.

When Ephraim met my gaze, he asked, “How are you, Nina?”

Looking up into his dark eyes, I nodded. “Good.” My throat closing up with nervousness.

Being so close to Antonio, he knew about my past and about my son, but until now he hadn’t shared that with Riley. And as much as I was happy about it, I was equally suspicious that why was he keeping a secret from her.

My eyes went from him to Leo. He was the more easy going between the two, like they were meant to balance each other out. And unlike Ephraim with his broad shoulders and large frame, he was lean and a few inches shorter than him. He didn’t put me on edge as much as Ephraim did.

“I heard you’ve been keeping long hours at the hotel and then late at the diner.” Ephraim was saying.

“It’s fine. I’m just trying to save some money.”

Riley frowned and looked up at Ephraim as she said, “I thought your boss was rich. Is he not paying my Nina enough for her job?”

“I’m sure he’s paying more than enough.” Ephraim arched a brow at me as he said, “I advice you stop running yourself to the ground and take a breather so you don’t miss the life happening around you.”

I stiffened, because his words felt more like a warning rather than an advice. But then Riley grabbed my hand and said, “Oh, I have such a good idea to make you enjoy life a little bit more.”

“What will that be, darling?” Leo asked, slipping his arm around her.

“You remember the club Rica told us about?” She turned to Ephraim as she said, “And Ephraim promised us to take us there. Let’s go now, and Nina can join us before she ghosts me again for her jobs.”

“The sex club?” Leo asked.

I felt a shiver run down my back and I turned around to find what was this sensation. But there was no one except us in the restaurant, probably because once again Ephraim had rented the whole place like the other time. I turned to face them and said, “I think I’ll just go home and sleep.”

Riley’s grip tightened around my arm and she said, “No way. I’m not letting you go without having drinks and bonus we’ll get to see this exclusive club. I swear you don’t want to miss this opportunity.”

I looked at her and then at Ephraim. His eyes were focused somewhere behind me, and then his gaze slid to Riley and he said, “Fine. I know you won’t let it go unless I give in.”

“You know me so well,” She stood up on her tiptoes and kissed him.

An hour later, we were stepping inside the Roses and Thorns. An exclusive erotic club for the selective members. Because of how early we were it was mostly empty, and because of Ephraim— as the club belonged to Antonio Rossi, we got every employee catering to us. Even though the usual time for the guests to visit the club was late in the night, I could still see some of the rooms were occupied.

And as Riley was busy with Leo, I wandered off to explore on my own, to appease my own curiosity. I passed a room where a woman was hanging from the ceiling by her wrists, her toes barely touching the ground. She was looking around herself as if waiting for something to happen. And that’s when I saw a man standing on the other side with a leather whip in his hands. When he met my eyes through the glass wall, he winked at me.

I felt myself flushing and quickly rushed to the next room. This one had two women, completely naked and kissing each other. But they didn’t affect me as much as the sight of two men on the couch did. They were kissing each other and I was transfixed as I watched them.

“Something you like?”

Startled, I looked to find Ephraim standing behind me. He smiled and gestured at the scene unfolding before us. “If you like this, I think you’ll like the new addition to the club.”

“New addition?”

“Yeah,” he nodded and waved his hand for me to walk ahead. “We were looking for someone to give us a genuine feedback, why don’t we start with you.”

We came to a stop in front of a velvet door in red color. He opened the door for me and said, “We just have this build two weeks ago. Come on...”

When I stepped inside, I realised it was like a small theatre. I looked back at him and said, “A theatre room in a sex club? Who wants to see a movie here?”

He smirked. “Not just a movie.” At my questioning expression, he said, “Go on. Take a seat and see what happens.” He paused, his eyes flickering around the room.

And then he was gone, leaving me in the dark room. Before I could panic, soft red lights flickered on and a huge screen lighted up in front of the room.

“Welcome to Roses and Thorns...” An automated voice said.

Then I was shown a series of option. First the automated voice asked if I was a male or female. Straight or Bi or Gay. And then my preferred kinks.

I didn’t know the answer to that.

So when the options came, I chose the one that I’d often wondered about. Consensual— not consent.

I chose it while looking around myself as if afraid someone would judge me, as if someone was sitting there and watching me choose it.

“Enjoy your movie...” The automated machine said, and then I watched in surprised fascination as the screen disappeared and a room came into view. From the looks of it, I was seeing everything through a one way mirror so the couple on the other side couldn’t see me while I could see everything.

My lips parted.

And as the speakers turned on around me, I shifted in my seat on hearing the whimper the woman let out as she stepped back from the man. But as the large man followed her, she stumbled back against the bed. “P-please, I don’t want this.”

The man laughed. “Prove it. Remove your panties and show me you aren’t wet.”

The woman shook her head. But the man didn’t wait for her to do so as he grabbed her by the neck and turned her around. He pushed her down on the bed, her face buried in the mattress, as he flipped her skirt over her hips and without sparing a second tore her panties off.

When he touched her between her legs, he laughed and then slapped her between her legs. The sound of a wet smack echoed around me.

My thighs squeezed together as I watched the couple, new sensations taking hold of me, the ones I didn’t even knew I could feel as I watched him wipe his hand on her arse, leaving wet smears behind.

Through the speakers between the woman’s whine and cries, I heard a dark whisper, “Touch yourself.”

Startled, I looked at the couple and then around myself. It almost felt like someone was whispering those words into my ears. But of course, no one was even in the room with me. I focused back on the couple and found that the man was naked now, and as he stroked his cock, he asked, “Tell me, you want me.”

The woman shook her head.

The man didn’t coax her or wait for her submission, he notched the head of his cock between her legs, leaned down and growled, “I don’t care.” And then slammed into her, making her scream.

I jumped out of my seat, my eyes wide and my heart racing in my chest. I didn’t like how my body was reacting to what the man was doing to that woman. I didn’t know why a certain part of me wondered even for miniscule of a second to be in her place and the hazy image of a man taking me by force in my mind resembled the man with green eyes who comes to drink black coffee every day at midnight at the diner.

Ignoring the throbbing between my legs and what it meant, I rushed out of the room and stumbled into the open bar area. Thankfully, I found Riley sitting there with Leo while Ephraim was absent.

“I need a drink,” I said as I reached them. “And, you promised you’d let me drink.”

__

I didn’t know how many shots I’ve had but enough that when Riley told me to try to loosen up and take the edge off by getting laid, I agreed with her. Me? Agreeing to let another man touch me? I was definitely drunk. So drunk. Out of my mind drunk.

I didn’t even remember how I’d lost my virginity and how Johan was conceived and in the last twelve years I hadn’t been with anyone, no dates or one night stands for me. With the life I had been living, I did not ever have time for anything like that and neither did I had it in me to trust someone enough to get so close to them. To let someone touch me and even be as close that we share each other’s breath.

But now as emptiness filled my chest and sadness engulfed me whole as I missed my son and felt lonely when I saw my friend with her lovers, I felt the need to be with someone. And because in a similar drunken haze like this one, I had once told Riley about the wrong number, she was now urging me to text him and call him. In her words, ‘to fuck my brains out because I needed it’.

I fumbled with my phone and managed to unlock it. When I opened the text thread to Mr wrong, I hesitated. And in the next second, a well manicured hand took my phone from me and Riley said, “Let me help you.”

I watched as she typed on my phone, her fingers moving quickly and then with a shit eating grin she handed my phone back to me.

I read the text she’d sent and almost choked on my spit as I turned toward her and gave her a wtf look. She smirked. “It’s comparatively tamer than what I was about to send.”

NINA: Are you just going to keep texting me, or will this foreplay ever end for me to know what your cock feels like?

The bartender placed more shots in front of us. And Riley grumbled, “I am cut off by my two controlling men, you have them.”

I did.

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A. Gupta

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