chapter 18

JULIA

“why would you do that, you said you weren't going to touch him”.

“Didn't you hear what he said?, He insulted my mother”.

I tugged at my hair frustratedly. Why does he have to be so difficult.

Aunt Jennifer would never set up a meeting again with Mark.

“his mother is dead too and you might probably have insulted him too in some way or the order.

He looked at me, his eyes narrowed to slits.

“I know you think I don't have standards and maybe you see me more than just a reckless idiot but one thing I'll never do is insult anyone's mother.

I saw the pain pass through his eyes. I've never seen him like this before.

He must have been close to his mother, what was I thinking being so insensitive.

“I'm sorry “, i whispered, “I didn't mean it that way it's just..

“It's nothing, Julia, time and time again you've proved that you can't and would never trust me, I don't blame you I wouldn't trust myself seeing things I've done but I have standards.

“How did she die”?, I blurted before I could stop myself.

“A stay bullet, she went to get groceries and they brought her struggling body in a stretcher. I followed her to the hospital, just me.

He looked so small right now, so small , scare and harmless.

“I watched her for two days, she kept smiling at me, telling me she was going to be alright but I saw it in the faces of the doctors and nurses that she wouldn't last a weak, she died in my hands that morning before the doctors could come, before father could come.

My heart lurched the same way it did when I found out my parents died. I knew how it felt to lose someone you cherish.

“I'm really sorry, Raymond, I really am”, I said grabbing his arm and squeezing it.

I thought I imagined but I saw him dash out a stray tear that slipped from his eyes

….

The fire cackled loudly, screams ensued from the room, then I saw his face.

His lips quavered as he spoke, “please, please, I have a daughter”

“C'mon Ray”, another voice was saying, “do it”

Cold sweat slipped my face; he was innocent, I just couldn't.

Another face came quickly, a woman in night robe. My instinct jumped tightening my fingers on the trigger.

She slumped on the ground, her eyes widened as her life slipped from her hands.

I had to, there was no other way. Closing my eyes I pulled the trigger, ending this plea there.

I sat up abruptly, sweat soaking my tee shirt, cursing under my breath, I walked down to the makeup bar and poured myself a drunk before reaching for the blue container and popping two pills.

No matter how many I took, it always came the nightmares, it was the first and only time I took an innocent blood and I still paid dearly for it every night.

Sometimes I wondered if the doctor wasn't just scamming me if my money, the pills did nothing.

It took a while before my breathing stabilized and I propped down the couch staring into the dark.

….

JULIA

“I still don't know why I'm here, I thought I told you everything you've asked, i no nothing at all.

I inhaled deeply trying to explain myself again, my hands clasped together.

“I'm sorry about what happened yesterday, I just have a one more question”.

“Hell no”, he wailed, shaking his bandaged head- a result of yesterday.

“If you have any question ask my brother”.

God, are Don Paul's boys always such difficult people to negotiate with.

“Raymond wouldn't know, it would be just between you and I

“No not Raymond”, he said shaking his head, “my brother Reuben”.

He saw the look of surprise on my face and burst out laughing.

He seemed more free now Raymond wasn't around”

“Paul didn't tell you about him”?.

“I shook my head, “he only spoke about you”.

“He must be getting really old”, he commented with disdain, “only himself and Patricia knew about him because Patricia shuffed my mom aside put her in a pay roll and forced him to marry his sister”.

Aunt pat, that woman isn't to be messed with, how much influence does she have over this family.

“What about your brother”?.

He shrugged, “I haven't heard from him in years, last time I heard he joined the army and that was all”.

I fiddled with my notepad, “what is his full name again”.

“Reuben”

“Thanks, I appreciate your time”, I said, rising to my feet.

He reciprocated, clasping my hands in his, “anytime and go cuddle Raymond up”, he added, “he looked a bit tensed”.

He burst into another fit of laughter seeing my red face again.

“I want to pop Raymond's skull but I don't want him to die”.

'so what about that stuff with Matthew”?.

“Childish banter”, he shrugged, “I wouldn't kill my brother or his wife”.

….

RAYMOND

The grave was overgrown with weeds, it took a while spotting it.

I thought I had outgrown the pain but it was still there gnawing in my heart like a new wound.

It only seemed like yesterday when I last saw her dimpled smile.

The day she died part of my world died with her. Deep down I blamed it on my Father.

If only he had followed her, if only he had been there she wouldn't have been attacked, she wouldn't have died, more reason I have decided not to ever marry.

I wouldn't want to put who I love in danger because of my past actions.

I placed the red bouquet on the marble stone and made a peace sign.

Tears slipped down my eyes and I cleaned it quickly. I missed her, it hurts like hell but life has to go on.

I took one last look at the grave before heading back to my car.