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Penulis: Zee
last update Tanggal publikasi: 2026-08-13 19:12:51

Julien came back downstairs holding a single slipper like it was evidence in a trial.

"Found it," he said. "Under the radiator. I have decided not to ask how it got there."

"Wise."

"He is already asleep again. He fell asleep mid-complaint. I do not think he even noticed I solved the case."

"Tragic," I said. "All that detective work for nothing."

He set the slipper on the side table, which struck me as an odd place for it, and did not immediately sit back down. He stood near the sofa instead, one hand resting on the back of it, looking at me with an expression that hadn't fully recovered from the one he'd left the room with. I was still under the blanket. The lamp was still off. The only light in the room came from the hallway, low and gold, and from the pale reflected glow of the snow outside the window.

"You're staring," I said.

"I am aware."

"Is there a reason?"

"I am trying to decide something."

"That sounds ominous."

"It is not ominous." He came around the sofa and sat down, closer than before, close enough that the blanket pooled between us the way it had earlier, except this time neither of us pretended not to notice. "I told you I would stop pretending things weren't true."

"You did say that."

"So I am not going to pretend I don't want to kiss you."

I had been braced, in some vague and unhelpful way, for a great many things that evening. I had not been braced for him simply saying it, plainly, the way he said most things, like it was a fact about the weather.

"Oh," I said.

"You can say no."

"I am not going to say no."

He reached up and did the thing he had done the night before, the slow, careful thing with his hand at my jaw, except this time he did not stop at my cheekbone and he did not rest his forehead against mine and wait. This time he closed the distance, unhurried, the way he did everything, and kissed me.

It was not a complicated kiss. It did not need to be. It was warm and certain and it tasted faintly of the tea we'd had an hour before, and somewhere in the middle of it I forgot that I had spent the better part of a day accidentally repotting a plant with my elbow in an effort to seem alluring, because none of that had worked and this, apparently, had worked all along. He drew back just slightly, enough to look at me, his hand still at my jaw.

"Well," I said, when I could manage it.

"Well," he agreed.

"That was considerably smoother than the chair."

"I have had more practice at this than at holding chairs steady."

"A relief."

He laughed, low, and kissed me again, briefer this time, and then settled back against the sofa cushion with my hand still caught loosely in his, like he wasn't quite ready to give that back yet either. We didn't talk for a while. We didn't need to. The house ticked and settled around us, and upstairs Lucas slept the deep unbothered sleep of a child who had won an argument about slippers without even trying, and I thought, not for the first time that week, that I had come to France to disappear and had instead been extremely, thoroughly found.

Eventually he walked me to the bottom of the stairs.

"Goodnight," he said, and there was something almost formal in it, like the word cost more now than it had the night before, because now it meant something specific it hadn't meant then.

"Goodnight, Julien."

I went up. I did not sleep for a long time, and when I did, I slept well.


The phone rang at half past nine the next morning, while I was still working through my first cup of coffee and Lucas was narrating an elaborate breakfast negotiation involving toast, jam, and what he considered a fair number of pancakes.

Julien answered it in the hallway. I heard the low murmur of his voice, unhurried at first, then something in it changed. Not alarm. Something more careful than that. I caught fragments through the doorway. Oui. Je comprends. Non, c'est bon, continuez. A pause, longer than the others.

Lucas, who had apparently decided the phone call was of no relevance to the pancake negotiation, held up two fingers.

"Two," he said. "That is fair."

"That is a start," I said. "We'll discuss further terms after you've eaten one."

He accepted this with the weary dignity of a man conceding a point in a much larger negotiation, and returned to his toast. In the hallway, Julien said something else, something that ended the call, and then there was a silence that went on a beat too long before he came back into the kitchen.

He was holding his phone loosely, looking at it rather than at us, the particular stillness of someone recalibrating.

"Everything alright?" I asked.

"Yes," he said. Then, more slowly, like he was still arriving at the sentence himself, "That was Maître Dubois. My uncle's notaire."

"Oh." I set my cup down. "Is he—"

"He is fine. That is not it." Julien pulled out the chair across from me and sat, the phone still in his hand, turning it over once. "It's the estate. Domaine Castellan. It has been in the family a very long time. My uncle managed it for years, and when he passed, there was some question about how it would be handled. Whether it would be sold. Whether there was anyone left who wanted it enough to keep it running."

"And?"

"And apparently there is." He looked up. "Apparently it's me."

I sat with that for a moment, watching something move across his face that I hadn't seen there before, not quite in that shape. Not the composed courtesy of the last few days, not the quiet warmth of the night before. Something heavier. A weight arriving that hadn't finished being measured yet.

"That's a lot," I said carefully.

"It is a considerable amount of land," he said. "Vineyards. The house. Some agricultural interests I understand very little about at present." He set the phone down on the table, face down, like he wanted it to stop being the thing in the room for a moment. "It is also, apparently, entailed. Which means it does not stop with me."

"What does that mean?"

"It means Lucas." He glanced toward the boy, who was now engaged in an elaborate campaign to negotiate a third pancake by way of a very reasonable-sounding argument about growth spurts. "Whatever I do with it, whatever becomes of it, it is his after me. Maître Dubois wanted me to know that formally. In writing, apparently, it has his name on it already."

"That's a lot for a seven-year-old to be named on."

"He does not need to know the details yet," Julien said. "He needs to know that pancakes are earned, not given."

Lucas, catching only the word pancakes from across the table, brightened considerably.

"Two is fair," he reminded us.

"Two is fair," Julien agreed, and something in his voice had softened again, pulled itself back from wherever it had gone during the call. He looked at me over Lucas's head. "I did not expect that today."

"No," I said. "I imagine not."

He didn't say anything else about it for the rest of breakfast, and I didn't push. I had learned enough about him in a handful of days to know that he processed things the way he did most things, unhurried, in his own order, and that whatever this news actually meant to him would surface eventually, in its own time, probably at the sink, probably while his back was half turned to me, the way most of the things that mattered to him seemed to come out.


It came out that evening.

Lucas was down for the night, properly this time, no slippers unaccounted for. Julien and I sat on the sofa with the lamp on low and the last of the wine from dinner, and for a while we just existed in the particular quiet of a house at the end of a long day, snow falling steadily and silently past the window like it had somewhere better to be than stopping.

"Can I ask you something," I said. "About this morning."

"You can ask me anything."

"You went somewhere. When you said his name. Lucas's, I mean. About the estate."

Julien was quiet for a moment, turning his glass slowly by the stem.

"His mother should have been part of that conversation," he said finally. "That is where I went. It is a strange thing, being handed something enormous and thinking immediately of someone who is not here to be handed it with you."

I went very still, careful not to disturb whatever this was before it had finished arriving.

"You've never really talked about her," I said. "Not properly."

"No." He looked at the window instead of me. "She's gone. That's most of what I have to say about it, most days. It is easier that way."

I didn't ask him to elaborate. There was something in the shape of the sentence, gone, said flatly like a fact rather than a wound, that told me this was as far as the door was going to open tonight, and I had learned by now not to force doors that closed themselves for a reason. I thought of the torn corner of the photograph in the hallway, the man's shoulders Lucas had once sat on, cropped clean out of the frame. I filed the thought away rather than reaching for it.

"I'm sorry," I said instead.

"Don't be." He looked at me then, and whatever had gone quiet in him a moment ago eased slightly, softened around the edges. "You listen very well for someone who spent a week ago falling into a bookcase to get my attention."

"That plant recovered fully. I'd like that noted."

"Noted." The corner of his mouth moved. "Tell me something now. Since we're doing this. Why did you really leave, that night at your family's table? The real version, not the one you gave me on the plane."

I thought about it properly this time, the way he'd thought about the notaire's call, unhurried, in my own order.

"Because I kept waiting for something about my life to feel like enough to them," I said. "My job. My flat. The fact that I like my own company and I'm good at my own company. None of it ever landed the way a ring would have landed, or a wedding, or a baby. I got so tired of being loved like a problem that hadn't been solved yet." I turned my glass the way he had turned his. "I didn't go to France to find someone. I went to stop being someone's unfinished project for five days."

"And instead."

"And instead," I agreed, "a small boy handed me his marshmallows and ruined the entire plan."

Julien laughed, quiet and real, and reached over and took my hand, turning it palm up, tracing one slow line across it like he was reading something there.

"I am glad," he said, "that the plan failed."

"So am I," I said. "Mostly."

Outside, the snow kept falling, patient and unbothered, the way it had been falling since the night we met, like it had decided, somewhere back at that taxi stand, that it wasn't finished with either of us yet.

Neither of us mentioned the estate again that night. Neither of us mentioned the woman whose name had gone unsaid in the hallway that morning, whose photograph hung torn and incomplete two rooms away. I didn't know, yet, how much either of those things would come to matter.

I only knew that his hand was warm around mine, and that for the first time in longer than I could easily account for, I wasn't waiting for anything. I was simply, entirely, here.

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