Let me be nothing

Zara’s POV

“Everyone, fall back to your hostels,” Mistress Kyenna said, her voice sounding calm. “We’ll return tonight for the Awakening Programme.”

She waited a moment, watching the crowd settle, then added, “We’ll start from the beginning.”

The students around me exhaled with relief. Most had failed the first round, and they were happy to get another shot. They all burst into laughter as the lines broke. People relaxed, started talking again, walking back in small groups. But I couldn’t move.

My eyes had already found him. Ronan.

He stood like he belonged at the center of the world. Head high, jaw tight, eyes sharp like he saw too much. Even from across the room, I could feel it.

That was when it hit me again. There was a shift under my skin, which was a flicker if heat in my chest. My wolf that I never felt in my life moved. The bond formed before I could think, which revealed that both Ronan and I are mate.

I felt it like a thread tugging between us, it was real and undeniable. His head turned, like he felt it too when our eyes met.

Our gaze lasted a second but it was enough, his expression didn't change, there was no recognition, no surprise just his cold demeanor flashing through his eyes.

But it was enough.

He looked at me like I was a mistake..Like the Moon Goddess had gotten it wrong.

And at that moment, I knew he didn’t want me. Not as a mate and not even as someone that was supposed to be in the academy. I wasn't meant to be here.

I swallowed hard, forcing my gaze down. My wolf whimpered once and then went quiet, confused.

The students were moving again. I slipped between them, keeping my head low. Nobody paid attention, no one ever did.

But inside, my mind was already racing.

I had to leave.

I wasn’t going to wait around and let a bond tie me to someone who hated what I was. I’d been through that once. I wouldn’t do it again. I don't want that here, I don't want it anymore.

I left the crowd and started checking the exits.

The academy grounds were quiet. Guards stood at the gates, and wards shimmered faintly around the edges of the buildings. I tried side paths, stairwells, back corridors. Nothing led out. Some doors were locked. Others were spelled shut.

I circled around the east wing twice before finding an old window in the storage hall. The glass was cracked. I pushed against it.

No movement.

Then a low hum buzzed against my fingers, barrier magic..They’d sealed everything. Even the air felt different outside the halls. Heavy. Watched.

I pressed my back to the stone wall and tried to think. My breathing slowed, then sped up again.

Why was I always the one trying to leave?

I’d only just arrived, and already I knew how this story would go. Rejected. Isolated. Rumors spreading faster than fire. Whispers of “half-breed” and “Council pet.”

I wasn’t going to give them the satisfaction this time..If I couldn’t leave now, I’d wait. I had one shot left: the Awakening.

If I failed the test, they’d remove me. No wolf, no purpose. A quiet dismissal. I could walk out without making a scene, without giving Ronan or anyone else the power to reject me first.

That was better, it was simple and clean than finding every means to run away. So I will have to wait till the night.

Back in the hostel, the halls were almost empty. Some girls chatted on their beds, already changing clothes, pretending they weren’t nervous. I didn’t speak to anyone. I didn’t unpack. I didn’t sit.

I leaned against the window and watched the sky fade to dusk. Time passed slowly and I didn't feel a thing, not even fear or hope, just a strange and blank calm.

My wolf didn’t stir again. She was quiet, buried deep. She didn’t understand why I was pulling away. She didn’t know the danger. I haven't even found time to welcome her into my body. Not now.

But I did. I’d lived it.

I’d bonded once when I was naive and stupid. He said all the right things until he didn’t. Until my blood was an excuse to hurt me. To treat me like something less and use my body anytime he wanted.

So no, I didn’t believe in bonds. I didn’t believe in fate. Especially not with someone like Ronan.

By the time we were called back, the sun had dipped below the horizon. Blue flame torches lit the way to the awakening ground a large stone circle etched with runes that glowed faintly under the moonlight.

Students stood in lines, dressed in clean uniforms, eyes sharp with nerves and quiet excitement..I kept to the back.

The instructors stood at the edge, clipboards in hand. Mistress Kyenna scanned the crowd once before beginning the roll call.

Name after name, they stepped into the circle..Some shifted on the spot. Others lit up with energy. A few collapsed or screamed. One girl had to be carried away, her body limp and unresponsive.

I didn’t react..I barely blinked..I kept my focus on the stone..My name moved closer on the list. One line. Then another.

I took a deep breath and pressed my palms to my sides to keep them from shaking.

It didn’t matter. I wasn’t here to pass.

Let them think I was weak. Let them mark me as unworthy. I’d take that and walk out with my head high.

One more name.

Then,

“Zara Hughes ,” Mistress Kyenna called.

The crowd went quiet. My heart didn’t race. I stepped forward, walked the path between the students, and entered the circle.

The runes pulsed once beneath my feet. I stood still..The moonlight shifted. The air bent..Something cold pressed against my back.

I exhaled slowly and waited for nothing to happen. Suddenly my watch flickered again.