Aches and Sorrows

The man in question dropped his utensils on his plate with a clink.

His fiery eyes turned towards his girlfriend and her jaw shut close in seconds.

“I-I think I'll head home. Dad's calling.” She squealed quietly and without waiting for another word she basically hurried out of the room like her ass was on fire.

I tried shrinking into my seat and appearing invisible after that.

Lynnie was the only unfazed human at the table.

She yapped on about nothing in particular. Her father looked like her talking was the only thing of interest he'd rather be engaged in as he just quietly listened, giving her his full attention.

I slowly and cautiously forced a few spoons of food into my mouth. My body was unable to keep food down.

My back stiffened when he peeled his lips to talk. “How did your day go sweetie?” He softly asked her, his expression cool.

Lynnie went off into another endless cute chatter.

He hadn't looked in my question once since he sat, looking like he’d forgotten I was present which I was grateful for until my name was brought up.

“Giselle and I had so much fun. We talk to her baby whenever we are sad or scared. We spoke to her today.” The room froze.

The air was knocked out of me and I watched his hand pause midway to his mouth.

The slightest of his brow creased. “What baby?” His hoarse voice questioned her softly.

Giselle took her time chucking down her apple juice and then she looked her daddy and whispered like she was telling him our long lost secret.

“Her baby in her belly. I like talking to her, I think it's a girlie like me.” She squealed proudly.

My eyes drilled a hole into my plate. My eyes blurred and I drew back the heavy sob threatening to rip past my lips.

I could feel his steady gaze on my head as little Lynnie went on about her dream life with my unborn child.

A child who was gone. One I'd never get to hold or see ever again.

Emotions, ones I've been bottling in since I woke up came crashing down my soul. Threatening paralyze me.

I couldn't—I couldn't go on like this.

She meant no harm but her excitement for a non-existent child was causing my heart to ache in ways I wasn't even aware was possible.

I needed to hold myself together for a few more minute. Carefully I stood.

“Excuse me.” I whispered, not looking up.

He didn't respond but I could feel him just watching, his gaze sharpened.

“Are you going to bed Giselle?” Lynnie’s curiously asked and I swallowed.

I nodded casually. “I'll come with you.” She declared and I heard dragging of chairs before her father spoke.

“Baby you're not done with dinner.” He said.

“I don't want to–” she started.

“Baby finish dinner—please. You can go to her later.” He ordered, I wasn't looking at her but I could tell she was already pouting.

I had to take my crushes with me but Mrs. Taylor was no where to be found.

I heard a sigh from behind me and scraping of a chair.

I felt his heat heavily behind me and a chill ran up my spine.

I needed to get upstairs fast enough before my emotions burst out of control in front of little Lynnie.

His rounded me until he was standing directly in front of me.

I stared into his chest, my fingers fidgeting as I wondered what he could possibly want.

My heart thundered and I held back a whimper.

Was he angry?

I flinched violently when he placed his hand against my lower back.

“I'll help you upstairs.” His voice wasn't as soft as when he spoke to his child but it was less vicious and hard.

I shook my head. My fingers gripping my dress tightly.

“I can go up myself.” My voice barely a whisper.

He looked behind us and then back at me. “I wasn't asking.” His voice tightened and I stiffened even further.

My body ached from standing for too long.

The air was suffocating from having him this close to me.

His cold fingers took my clammy ones. I couldn't help the trembling of my limbs.

I was seconds from bursting into tears and begging him to leave me alone but I couldn't even do that because I was afraid I'd be laying dead on the floor the next second.

I let out a choked squeal when my feet left the ground. He picked me up like I was a mere carrot.

He didn't pause or say another word. Just headed straight up the stairs.

He was all bricks and walls. I remained stiff like I was afraid of our bodies touching any more than was necessary.

I've never been carried this way before, not even by Jace.

In my tense state, I barely registered that we were back to the room I was kept in.

He dropped me onto the bed with a care I've never experienced in my life. A kind of care I'd never dream he was capable of if I hadn't seen him with his daughter.

I expected him to turn and leave but he doesn't. He stood in the room, taking up all the space and air that I could barely breathe.

“You had a miscarriage.” His tense voice said like he needed me to understand that fact and my heart clenched.

“I know.” I whispered, acknowledging it out loud for the first time today.

“I'll explain it to Lynnie.” He said and without another word, he walked out of the room.

My vision blurred completely and I gasped out a breathe. I couldn't breathe with my nose anymore.

My shoulders trembled uncontrollably. My chest felt like it was being torn open.

A chilling hoarse cry rippled through my body. My body collapsed onto the bed.

I couldn't control it. I couldn't stop my utter and complete breakdown.

I could only hope my cries didn't reach beyond these walls.

I laid curled up, my knees hugging my chest, a hand over my mouth like I always did whenever I had a miscarriage and had to cry without upsetting Jace.

I cried for my child, all of my lost babies, myself and all the years I spent with Jace being a corpse rather than a living being.

I cried because I felt awful for the relief that flooded my body the moment I realized that Jace was truly dead.

No matter what, I shouldn't have felt that relieved.

I cried until I had no more tears to.

Until I could only lay there and stare into nothingness in the dark night.

Until my chest felt empty.