005: i'm a miss

I looked after Jakob for a long time and wondered if he could feel my eyes, which were almost literally burning his back. Definitely, it crossed my mind. The young man casually sauntered further away from me and I kept looking in the direction he was disappearing. Even when I couldn't see him, I wasn't able to take my eyes off of him.

He was already driving me completely crazy! What would it be like in a week? What would happen? Unfortunately, I had to wait that week until I knew more. Damn, that was so mean! Why couldn't I just look into the future? That would be a lot easier.

After this nonsensical train of thought I had to laugh. Somehow that was funny too. Above all, the fact that Jakob seriously thought that I would fall for him. Never! Let him think about it for all eternity. Preferably until he was old and gray.

But it would never come to that, because I knew his reputation only too well. Surely he realized now, at this moment, a naive girl who thought it was his great love. To the pyre with it! Certainly there had been a few men in my life with whom I had a relationship, but the right one had never been there. It's no wonder, otherwise I wouldn't be single.

Men could be stolen from me either way, so I seriously wondered why Jakob couldn't just leave me alone. I guess I was sending him the wrong signals. Or he liked my dismissive behavior. There should be people who found it quite interesting.

Still, I didn't think Jake belonged. Knowing him, he only wanted sex once and that was it. It must have really hurt his ego that I hadn't surrendered to him. Why should I? In contrast to him, I had class. He was also younger than me by a full four years. He just needs to stop thinking I'm falling for him. I was once told that you only believe in things that don't exist.

I finally started to move slowly. I was embarrassed that I stopped dead in my tracks just because of Jake. Luckily he didn't know about it, so it wasn't that bad. But what if he ambushed me again? I trusted him for almost everything.

Then why should he say goodbye to me? He couldn't have done it for nothing, had he? Oh damn, this guy was already messing me up! Surely he did it on purpose. And then he would get what he wanted from me from the beginning: a night.

But I still had a say in that. Still. The emphasis was on that one word. I shuddered just thinking about throwing myself at him. He would like that. bastard. But with me, Giulia De Lorenzi, he was at the wrong address.

At some point I really felt like a parrot, repeating everything people said. But that wasn't me. Not at all. I was a young adult woman who knew what she wanted and didn't want. Or rather, who she wanted and who she didn't want. Unfortunately, the man concerned did not seem to accept this.

"Calm down," I said to myself in the darkness, quickening my steps. I didn't want to be attacked by anyone again, especially not by Jakob. My hair fluttered slightly in the wind and I was glad the air was so pleasantly fresh.

At some point, I couldn't even explain why I was doing it, I just started running. i wanted to leave Away from the public eye and just being alone. Luckily for me, I didn't have far to go to Justin's flat share. Even though I couldn't forget what he did with Jakob last year, let alone forgive him, he was a good friend to me.

I've known Jus forever and after all he was there for me when I needed him the most. Even though I knew he wasn't asking for anything in return, it was sort of my duty to stand by him. But that didn't mean that I liked everything he did. He knew that too. Finally I told him if something bothered me or if I didn't think something was right.

Said person was already waiting for me in our small apartment. "Giulia, I've been waiting for you for a while," Justin greeted me and I could clearly hear the worried tone in his voice. "Your cousin is stalking me!" I got straight to the point.

Jus looked at me questioningly, whereupon I said: "Well Jakob, that idiot!". "Oh that," the man in front of me said calmly. “If only it were like that! I'm really starting to think he's mentally damaged," I openly voiced my opinion of him.

Justin laughed next to me, I couldn't explain why. "He's a total go-getter," he almost defended that crackpot of Jake. I was already starting to seethe slightly, even though I didn't want it to. After all, he was a good friend of mine, so it didn't have to be.

Calm blood, I thought and said quite bluntly, “You can probably say that out loud. I've never seen anything so level." After these words, Justin's mouth fell open. Before I could ask him why, he burst out laughing.

Since I absolutely did not know what was so funny about my statement, I asked: "What is it?". "Nothing, nothing," Justin reassured me immediately, feeling more like a failed attempt to cover something up. I eyed him skeptically, which the man took seriously.

Something had changed. I couldn't say exactly what it was, but my good friend seemed like a stranger to me. "Jakob knows that I have a secret," I said anyway and saw Jus looking at me in astonishment. "Don't we all?" he asked me a question, to which I replied that Jake had said exactly the same thing.

To my amazement, Justin didn't seem too impressed, as he simply explained that he knew his cousin better. "What a miracle, you've known each other for ages," I said pointedly and rolled my eyes. Luckily, Jus didn't blame me for being a bit bitchy. He preferred to ask me if I would like something to eat, which I gratefully acknowledged.

While he prepared something for us, I sat around helplessly in our small kitchen. My body trembled slightly, which only scared me more. I had every reason to tremble, but no one needed to know why. I never wanted to think about what happened ten years ago.

A hand on my shoulder brought me out of my trance. "Calm down," Justin whispered and said: "Even though Jakob is such a daredevil and pick-me-up who breaks the hearts of all the girls, I can assure you that he knows exactly where his limits are".

His words were cold consolation, because of course I still felt miserable. "And why me? Why does he want to stalk me?" I asked. The questions came hesitantly from my lips. My vision was slightly blurry as scalding hot tears welled up in my eyes.

I was glad Justin couldn't see them as I stared stubbornly at the floor. “As you know, Jake is dying to get you. I guess it only spurs him on if you keep rejecting him. Maybe you can finally convert him”, my roommate speculated, which made me prick up my ears again.

My thoughts nearly raced. It even got to the point that I couldn't think straight anymore. "So you're saying that if I keep brushing him off, he could stop breaking women's hearts?" I asked thoughtlessly, at which Justin clapped his hands in triumph.

I was not entirely comfortable with this thesis. "Why should it?" I openly revealed my skepticism. “Nothing is more boring for us men than women who submit to us unconditionally, unless the man's name is Christian Grey. Giulia, you are different. You're a challenge and that's very interesting," said Jus with a small smile.

His attempt to make me grin worked. Just thinking about the reference to the Christian Gray and Anastasia Steele trilogy made me suppress a giggle. “But we're not in Shades Of Gray here and besides, Jakob is definitely one of those sick pigs. Why else would he have a different one every day?” I replied seriously again.

Now it was quiet. Justin seemed to be considering my words seriously. But then he said: “Actually he is quite tame, once you get to know him better you will be able to say the same about him”. "I'm sorry, what? I'm not at all interested in getting to know him better! He's annoying me and should just leave me alone!" I almost yelled at my roommate. I immediately apologized to him, which he accepted.

The rest of the time we spent in the kitchen we talk about other things. After all, there were more important things than a twenty-two-year-old guy who wasn't even a grown-up in spirit. And yet this was responsible for the fact that I was totally confused.

I noticed that the next morning too. When I heard a noise, I woke up with a start from my already restless sleep and immediately looked at my room door with dilated pupils. It wasn't until a few moments later that I realized it was just my alarm clock waking me up.

Relieved, I let myself fall back into my soft pillow. It was ten o'clock, time to get up. I had to have breakfast and a shower because today I had the photo shoot. I didn't want to and couldn't afford to make any mistakes. Besides, it was almost ridiculous to be so upset just because of Jakob.

This morning I sat alone in the kitchen as Justin had already left for his morning shift. That suited me very well, since I wanted to be alone anyway. In addition, there were no problems with it in the bathroom. Well, the man and I had unspoken house rules, but it sometimes happened that our paths crossed in the bathroom and we women didn't need that at all.

Lost in thought as ever, I finally got into the shower after I had treated myself to a hearty breakfast. My figure certainly wouldn't suffer, it's always been the case that I could eat pretty much anything without fear of gaining weight.

For me it was like a blessing to feel the warm water on my skin. I felt better, which could also be because I had locked the door to the room. It might be paranoid, but it made me feel safe. I hated nothing more than being alone somewhere. When the shower was done, I dressed up so that the make-up artists and colleagues didn't waste time during the shoot trying to dress me up.

Unfortunately I didn't want to be able to do that. Again and again I slipped off with the eyeliner and had to put on new make-up. In the mirror, I could see the reason for this scenario all too well: I was shaking all over. I was definitely not in the bucket with excitement, no, I just couldn't let go of the feeling that I was being followed.

But that couldn't be, I was sure that Jacob's threat yesterday was just a primitive threat. And yet his words would not let me go. It was downright unbelievable that I let it influence me so much, which I also noticed during the shoot.

After half an eternity I finally managed to get ready and arrive at the agency, but I was already being ground into a mask. "What's going on?" I asked, a little scared, to which I was told that my look was downright horrible.

When I sat in front of the mirror, I almost couldn't breathe. I really didn't look good at all. It started with the eyeliner being a bit smudged, as well as the bit of mascara I had left on.

Next up was the powder which left unsightly marks on my cheeks and ended up with pretty scary dark circles under my eyes. My best friend Fabrizia, who was getting her things, had hardly seen that when she spoke to me. "Heavens, Julia! How do you look like?" she asked me, whereupon I could only shrug my shoulders helplessly. "You look horrible, has something happened?" she pressed further and although I really didn't feel like talking about what had happened lately, I answered: "No, except that I have a little stalker who happens to be Jakob Di Izmir is called”.

After hearing that name, her pupils dilated. Of course he was not unknown to her either. “Oh no, the little one then. God, that pants-shit is so annoying!” she hissed. All I could do was glance at her suspiciously for a moment. "He hit me up in our bar but I brushed him off after he bought me a few drinks. Such a dreamer, really thought I was going to bed him," she admitted smugly.

That's how she was, my best friend. But I also had to say that for years she had been waiting in vain for some man who once promised her that they would see each other again someday. I didn't even dare point out that hardly any boy was serious about a girl when he was a teenager. So she used the men to distract herself from her hellish longing. Poor Fabrizia.

"I have to go back then. Even if I'm only here for half a year, I don't want to rest. You're welcome to get in touch if you want to talk to Jakob about your problem. Ciao”, Fabi said goodbye to me. I just smiled at her and nodded. I didn't want her to see that I was worried.

My colleagues noticed that only too well. "Hold still," said Miguel, my make-up artist, putting new eyeliner on me. Before that, he had consulted with the others about which look would suit me best. After all, the shoot was about the summer collection.

The man was so close to me that I couldn't help but think of Jakob and - how could it be otherwise - winced. "Giulia!" he admonished me, after which I could only shake my head apologetically. In the mirror, my colleague and buddy saw that there were tears in my eyes.

Immediately he put down his utensils and calmly asked if everything was ok. "Yes," I lied to him, blinking back tears. I had to pull myself together. After all, my job had nothing to do with my private life and I've always been a person who could separate them well.

He looked at me for a moment before he resumed his work. "You're shaking," he soon remarked and was about to put the stuff aside again, but I said: "Please carry on, otherwise we'll be sitting here until tomorrow morning. It's really nothing”.

Miguel did as I told him. In return, I try desperately not to think about Jakob and think about my beautiful homeland. I did that too, while the photographers took tons of photos of me. Before that, beautiful red roses had been put in my hair.

I changed clothes so often I thought I had won the lottery. So many dresses! That was absolute madness. As did a certain Mr. Di Izmir. And I didn't mean that in a positive way. "Don't be so tense, you're still tearing leaves from the tree," I suddenly heard Miguel say.

Oh, we were already outside. Somehow it all just slipped past me. It's good, I thought, now we're going to pose, just like I used to do. As soon as I thought that, I gave my best friend my best smile, after which he gave me a thumbs-up signal that I was doing it right. It went on like this and soon I was back in my element.

"The photos turned out really well," I was praised, and I was handed a glass of sparkling wine. That was an unwritten ritual for us. After each shoot, everyone who worked on it got a glass. But what made me a bit suspicious was the fact that, unlike usual, I didn't care at all whether I had done my job well or not. And it was only a certain Jacob who was to blame for that. Why did he have to mess me up like that?