Chapter 4

- Alice -

The moment my father drove away, a wave of sadness crashed over me—mixed with anger, regret, and a deep ache I couldn’t quite name. It was like every emotion I’d ever buried suddenly surfaced and flooded through me all at once. I saw Emory watching me, his eyes trying to understand what I was feeling. I wanted to tell him, to scream at him—to say I was lost, broken, and afraid. But I couldn’t find the words.

He reached out and gently picked up my battered suitcase, then placed his hand softly on my lower back, guiding me back toward the pack house. His touch was warm, reassuring—even if I didn’t feel like I deserved it. He told me softly that I didn’t need to talk about it until I was ready. What if I’m never ready? The thought haunted me. I just wanted to forget everything—the pain, the shame, the helplessness.

I managed a small smile at him, but I said nothing. Over the years, I had learned not to speak unless I absolutely had to—especially around my father. Words could make things worse. Silence had become my armor.

He led me through a corridor and showed me to a room. I looked around and saw a masculine space—furniture, clothes, and belongings scattered everywhere, a reflection of him. My stomach twisted.

'This is your room?' I asked softly, trying to hide the trembling in my voice.

He chuckled, a warm sound that made my chest ache. “Yes,” he said gently. “It’s yours now. We’re mates—you’re not going to sleep somewhere else anymore.”

I stiffened at his words, the fear rising like bile in my throat. Mates? Was that all I was to him? Just another piece in his game? Part of me wondered if I even wanted more—if I secretly craved being just a thing to hold and use. I hated myself for the flicker of arousal that stirred within me, even as my heart pounded harder with fear. Was I really just a toy? Or was I more?

My thoughts spun wildly, chaotic and uncontrollable. I was terrified, yet strangely drawn to him—confused by the conflicting feelings crashing inside me.

He looked at me with a softness I hadn’t expected, I coundn't tell if he was sorry for me or disappointed in the moon godesses choice or happy that i was here - The feeling were getting mixed up in my head as i was rearly ever showed kindess in my last pack. 

“Come find me in my office downstairs when you’re ready,” he added gently. His voice was kind, almost tender. Not what I’d expected from the alpha I’d feared.

He leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to my forehead. I flinched—automatically, instinctively—hoping he wouldn’t notice. But his face fell slightly, disappointment flickering across his features. Like I’d somehow let him down. Like I was angry at him, or maybe he was angry at me - maybe just not the girl he wanted now that he had a good look.

His gaze lingered on me, and I felt a strange pang—something bitter and complex. Was he genuinely kind, or was this just another manipulation? I didn’t know what I was supposed to feel anymore. All I knew was, I was scared—of what he wanted, of what I might become, of the darkness inside myself that I couldn’t control.

As he turned and left, I stood there trembling, caught between relief and dread. The room felt suffocating, like a cage I wasn’t sure I could escape from. Every breath was heavy, every heartbeat loud in my ears. Part of me wanted to chase after him, to call out, to cling, but I couldn’t move. It was as if my body had turned to stone, frozen by a mixture of fear and confusion.

And yet, beneath all the anxiety, a tiny, fragile ember of something else flickered—an almost impossible hope. Maybe, just maybe, someday I could be accepted here. Maybe I wouldn’t always be this broken girl, discarded and unwanted. I clung to that thought, desperate for a sliver of light in this dark, unfamiliar place.

I didn’t know what to do with myself. My legs felt weak, so I moved slowly, my gaze drifting around the room. It was enormous—so much space for someone like me to get lost in. My eyes wandered over his belongings, trying to find some understanding of who he was. Clothes—neatly folded, professional but casual—lay draped over furniture, hinting at a man who balanced authority with comfort. His colognes lined a shelf, each scent rich and intoxicating, making my head spin just from the aroma. I reached out, almost unconsciously, to smell one—sweet yet masculine, like a promise I wasn’t sure I wanted to accept.

Then, I saw the photos. Pictures of people I’d vaguely seen before—faces that looked familiar from that first meeting, frozen in time. They held him back in the office at our first meeting, their arms around him int he photo, their smiles genuine. They could be family, I thought, or close friends. The sight of them made my stomach tighten with a strange mixture of longing and jealousy. I wondered what their relationship was—what kind of man he truly was beneath the alpha exterior. Did they know him like I was starting to? Or was I just another piece of his game?

This pack was huge—so many people, so much life I was suddenly thrust into. My mind kept racing, imagining what my father would have done with all this. He would’ve loved it—bargained, manipulated, used everything to his advantage. I could hear his voice, sharp and ruthless, bargaining me off to the highest bidder of torture. The thought made me shudder. It was terrifying how different my world suddenly felt—how out of place I was in this vast, vibrant pack.

I stepped over to the window, drawn like a magnet and sat down. Outside, the pack members moved about their day—laughing, working, chatting. It was almost surreal, watching them so free, so alive. They seemed almost happy—like they belonged somewhere, like they had a purpose. And I wondered how they could be so at ease when I felt so fragile, so lost. Did they even see me? Did they understand what I was going through? Or was I invisible to them, just another ghost hiding behind the glass?

My fingers curled around the frame, and I stared out, trying to breathe through the storm of emotions inside me. A strange mix of longing, fear, and curiosity swirled within—each vying for space. I wanted to be strong, to be brave, but all I could do was sit there, feeling like I was drowning in a sea of unfamiliarity. Maybe someday I’d find my place, but right now, all I could do was watch and wonder if I would ever truly belong.