Chapter 1

Greetings, my name is Airabella Lee Ann Thompson and I currently reside in a quaint town in Georgia. Standing at a height of 5'3, I possess blue eyes and medium blonde hair, while my physique leans towards an athletic to chunky build. I would like to share my life story with you, but before I do so, it is important to delve into my childhood to fully comprehend my journey.

I grew up as the child of a military family, which may come as a surprise. However, I should clarify that my father, Andy Allen Lee Thompson, passed away when I was only four years old. From the few photos I've seen of him, I know he was a tall man with brown hair and a military-style haircut. He had a kind smile and was built solidly. Unfortunately, I don't have many memories of him, but my older brother Fredrick certainly does. Both of us were named after our father, with Fredrick receiving Allen as his middle name and me receiving Lee. Although he wasn't around much, having his name as a part of mine made me feel closer to him. 

Fredrick is five years older than me, and he was nine when our father passed away. Whenever I ask about our dad, I can see the sadness in both my brother's and my mother's eyes, so I try not to bring it up too often. As he grew older, Fredrick went by Freddy and then later, Fred. However, I always called him by his full name, which he disliked, but I felt like it was my right as his family. He turned into a handsome man, with a tan complexion that always made me jealous because I was so pale. He was tall like our father, but he had curly hair like our mother. We both have blue eyes, and our mother used to joke that we could be twins. 

Moving on to our mother, her name is Katie Marie Thompson. She is around the same height as I am, with chestnut brown hair that has amazing curls. She has a dark complexion like my brother and green eyes. Now that I've introduced my family, let's discuss my life.

As a kid, you would think having your father die in action would scare you in some type of way. I feel like for my brother it did but for me how can I be scared by something or someone I don’t even remember? These were the things I would say to people. I never felt like this was something that had affected me but what did I know right? As a kid, I always felt different from others. I didn’t understand why we were alive; I didn’t have kids that played with me at recess maybe this was due to my singing I did, I don’t know. I would get sad, and my brother would tell me that I was just different and there was nothing wrong with that, I would always have him. Is that true though would I always have him? We will cover more of that later. This is more about my outlook on life. Why are we here? Why do we exist? We are brought into this world with a death sentence. Every day that goes by we are moving more and more to our death. Why would someone have us just to say Hey, welcome to the world You’ll be dying in the end but don’t worry we all do it. How do you not worry? As a small kid, these were the things I was worried about. My mom and brother would tell me that everyone fears dying and when I get older, I will come to accept it more. Do people really do this? Are they as scared as I am? Looking back, I feel like my mom said these things just to make me feel better. I wish there was something more I could have done, or my mom could have said. I don’t know what she would say but that wasn’t very comforting. 

When I was growing up, my brother was always there for me. He was the typical protective older brother, looking out for me whenever I needed it and helping me talk to our mom when I did something wrong. One memory that stands out is when I was about six years old and drew on the wall. I wanted to create a night sky on my wall to look at as I went to sleep. Unfortunately, my brother caught me in the act and gave me a stern talking-to. I was so scared that I froze, shook, and fell off my tower of toys. My brother laughed and teased me, but he also explained why what I had done was wrong and helped me tell our mom about it. Even though I was upset and scared, I knew that I could always count on my brother to help me through anything, whether it was good or bad. Looking back, I realize that this experience was a good memory because it taught me that I always had someone to rely on when I needed it.

My mom and I were never close growing up, but we were never distant either. I’m not sure how to explain it right. I enjoyed our girl’s days of shopping, dinner, or going to the salon. When you read this don’t think you did anything wrong because you didn’t. It just seemed like loneliness and terrible things always followed me. Some days we could be the best of friends and we got along great. I enjoyed the things you tried to do. There were some that I felt so far from you and talking to you brought me no comfort. I feel like this was more my fault and that there was something wrong with me. You weren’t a bad mother but sometimes I could see the sadness in your eyes, did you feel as lonely as I did? Maybe if we had talked about that some of the sadness I felt wouldn’t have been so bad because someone else felt like that too. My brother was always upbeat and happy about life, and he made me feel that way when I was around him. With you, it was like you were my best friend or a sad woman and I could see your pain in your eyes. I felt like I connected with Fredrick more than I did you. Could we have been more alike than I realized? I guess this all doesn’t matter now. My point is Mom you never did anything wrong, I could have had worse as a parent and you did the best you could with a kid like me. I think that every kid has something that they don’t like about their parents. I think maybe there were things that you could have done better. Isn’t that everyone in life? Someone could have made a better choice or said something different. I wish I could say if something happened differently or if I tried harder that the outcome of my life would have been different. We could have said and done everything perfectly and I still feel like this loneliness would have stayed. 

Mom I want to leave you with a good memory, When I was a teen we went on vacation just the two of us. I know I was grumpy a lot that summer and you tried to make it better by taking me to Florida. We lay on the beach enjoying the water and sun. I don’t know if you realized it but at this moment, I felt happy like nothing in my world was wrong and that happiness was there for me. There are some things that people do in life a small act of kindness, a little piece of advice, or just being around at the right moment. I don’t think they realize how much they did or what they meant to you. Some of the littlest things can have the biggest impact on your life. This was one of those moments, Mom. This vacation made life seem worth it to me a bright light out of a dark tunnel I had been in for a while. I know to you it was just a fun vacation with your daughter to me it was a small lifeline that I felt I needed. Why didn’t I tell you this? Why do we hold back on saying small important things? 

Now before I get too much more into details on my life. I want you to understand something about me, My life was never horrible nothing that terrible ever happened that I felt I couldn’t get over it. There was just this feeling I felt all my life that our lives are pointless we are put here to live and die What we do with the time is up to us but doesn’t matter. It’s like playing a game where at the end there is nothing to beat, no point to the game it’s just over. That’s how I feel about life There is no point to it, other than what we make it, and in the big picture truly means nothing.  I wish there was some pill that could make me feel or want something different in life. I tried and there was nothing that would make me see things differently. 

So, let’s move on to the next chapter in this story there are more details of my life to be learned.