4. Viktor - 20 Years Old

I find myself walking into Kon’s club, Fang, and suck in a breath when I see my brothers as I remember them. 

Kai and Kon are covered in tattoos, they’ve bulked up incredibly and are laughing like they used to. I watch the door as 20-year-old Viktor walks in with a stack of envelopes. 

“We’ve been granted the spaces - the strip will be under complete Volkov control,” he says as he hands the papers over to Kai, who grins.

“It’s about fucking time,” he says, opening the envelopes and looking up at me. “Good job, Viktor. You know one of these will be yours, right?”

Younger me blanches. “What? I don’t know anything about running a nightclub, Kai,” he says, looking to Kon for help but my brother only shrugs his shoulders. 

“Apparently we’re all getting a club, even Nikolai when he’s old enough,” Kon says, grabbing one of the envelopes to open and look at.

I remember fighting with Kai not to place the responsibility on me, but he was adamant I would do well. I hated being relied upon, thinking I’m not good enough to do this; but Kai and Kon always believed in me.

The door opens and slams shut and we see Dimitri dragging Nikolai in behind him. I cross my arms and hold a fist in front of my mouth, chuckling. 

“Caught this little shit in the liquor cabinet again,” he says, shoving Nikolai toward Kai. “He’s been drowning in the good Vodka.”

My eyes go to Kon, who's trying not to laugh, but both Kai and younger me have disappointed looks in their eyes. Speaking of eyes, Dimitri’s are definitely not the same anymore and I realize the parasite must be clinging to him already. 

Kai swipes a hand over his face and sighs. “Come with me,” he says to Nikolai before walking towards the back offices. Nikolai is unsteady on his feet but follows our brother anyway.

This is what I always loved and admired about Kai; he never called you out in front of people unless he needed to make an example of you. As brutal of a reputation as he had, he was always just and tried to see your side of things before he offered his own advice. 

He reminded me of our mother in that way, even if he never thought of himself as a good leader. 

“I need to get back to my office,” the younger me says to no one in particular and walks out of the club. As much as I loved my brothers, I couldn’t stand alcohol. Hell, it didn’t change the older I got. 

I follow 20-year-old Viktor out and sigh because I know what’s about to happen. I’m standing next to my old car, about to unlock it when I see him approaching the younger me. The guilt in Ilya’s eyes is almost believable, and I cross my arms as I watch my memory play out.

Younger me stiffens up as he catches a familiar scent on the Autumn breeze and he spins around, coming face to face with the man he hadn’t seen since the Mate Bond Sighting clicked.

Ilya has his hands in the pockets of his coat and stops in front of me. He’s taller than 20-year-old me now, grown up and filled out, and I can see from here he’s used to working out.

“Hey,” he says sheepishly, and I see a flash of anger in younger Viktor’s eyes. 

“Hey?” he scoffs. “Four years and that’s all you have to say to me?”

Ilya looks taken aback by the anger in my tone as if he didn’t expect me to be angry at the fact that he literally bolted after finding out I was his mate. I remember feeling so empty because my best friend would rather run away from this than face it.

“I don’t…Can we go somewhere to talk about this?” Ilya asks and I shake my head. 

“We can’t, I’m busy-”

Ilya walks forward and grabs younger Viktor’s arm as he’s about to walk away, spinning him around to face him. “Please, Viktor,” he begs, and from my vantage point, I could see how anxious Ilya looked. “Please, I can’t do this anymore.”

“Then don’t, all you have to do is say the words and you’ll stop feeling whatever it is you’re suddenly feeling for me. The Mate Bond doesn’t have to turn you queer,” the younger me says, pushing Ilya away.

Ilya looks horrified, shaking his head in disbelief. “Reject you? You expect me to do that?” 

Younger me shrugs and I watch as he attempts to mask his misery. I remember anticipating the pain of rejection ever since Ilya left, but every day it never came and it put me on edge more and more. 

“I know it’s what you’d prefer. You don’t have to give in just because-”

Ilya pulls me close and claims my mouth in a kiss, his one hand holds the back of my head, while the other is wrapped around my waist. Younger me has his eyes open in shock, then they flutter closed as he gives in to the kiss. 

Gods, it hurts watching this play out…knowing we’re close to solidifying the bond and the start of my betrayal. How did I miss all the lies? How did I allow my mate to fool me completely?

Ilya breaks off the kiss and draws his forehead to mine. “I could never reject you, Vik,” he breathes out with his eyes closed and moves back. “Please, can we go somewhere to talk?” 

I want to cry out and warn my younger self from going with this and believing Ilya, but I know it’s not possible. I’m just a dark passenger along for this ride that’s doing nothing for my broken heart. 

What does the Goddess want me to see here? What is the point in sending me back to when I was a naive fool deeply in love with the enemy? I try, once again, to call out to the Goddess as I watch Ilya and the younger me getting in my car to go to my penthouse.

I know what’s about to happen, but I haven’t blinked out of here. Does she want me to see this conversation, too? 

“Why am I being subjected to this?” I say, walking to the penthouse that’s not too far from Fang. “These are my most painful memories and you’re forcing me to replay them in literal 3D. Is this my personal Hell for trusting the enemy?!”

“Take a look back, little one. Perhaps there’s something you missed even when you had your eyes open.”

The line is repeated in my head again and I growl, attempting to punch the wall and failing. I breathe out a sigh and pinch the bridge of my nose to control my temper, but when I open my eyes, I’m in my old penthouse. 

I walk through to where I hear voices in the living room and see Ilya and younger me sitting on the sofa. There’s coffee on the table in front of them, and they’re still dressed in the same clothes, so I haven’t blinked to a different time again.

“You wanted to talk, now here we are,” I watch younger Viktor say and sit down opposite them. The Goddess wants me to look with new eyes, so I’ll keep them open this time. 

Ilya sighs and shifts his body to face the younger me. “I didn’t run away because I was scared of what this could mean, Viktor. I went away because you deserve someone better for a mate…Someone who could give you the world. Not me…”

Younger Viktor scoffs and looks away, but I see something in Ilya’s eyes I hadn’t seen at the time - pure fucking panic.

“So you ran away because I deserve better? Ilya, you were my best friend-”

“That’s why I left!” he says, grabbing younger Viktor’s shoulders. “Vik, being with me…it won’t end well for you.”

I lean back and watch this exchange with wide eyes; was Ilya warning me about my demise before we were even together? Why? Was he not the enemy?!

Younger me shrugs Ilya’s hands off and sits back. “Then reject me-”

“I can’t do that!”

“And why not, hmm? Your lame attempt at warning me off won’t work, Ilya, you’ll have to reject me first,” the younger me says and crosses his arms. 

This time my eyes are firmly on Ilya’s expression; the annoying look on his face doesn’t look annoying right now…it looks like he’s in literal pain.

Ilya hangs his head against his steepled fists and breathes out a long sigh. “Vik, I can’t reject you because….” he trails off and remains quiet for a few seconds before he turns his head to look at the younger me. “I’ve always been in love with you, so my rejection won’t be truthful.”

I try not to smile when I hear these words for a second time, but I fail so badly. Younger Viktor looks paralysed at Ilya’s confession and he moves back from him.

“No, you’re just saying that; it’s the Mate Bond speaking, not you,” he says, shaking his head. “You’re not-”

“I am, Vik,” Ilya says, moving closer and taking younger Viktor’s hand in his. “I’ve been in love with you for years, even before you came out to me. When I said I felt confused, it wasn’t about my sexuality, but about you…because I know one day I’ll have to choose between you and Vanya.”

And he chose Vanya over me in the end.

Younger me looks confused and he shakes his head. “I don’t understand, why tell me this now? What difference does it make? You could have just stayed away-” 

“If you knew where I was all this time, could you have stayed away?” Ilya interjects and moves closer to me. He reaches out and cups my face in his hand before leaning in close and kissing me again.

I still remember this kiss vividly; hazelnut coffee and cinnamon - that’s what he tasted like. His soft beard scraped my clean-shaven cheek and his calloused palm was against my skin. Everything about this kiss felt like a perfect mixture of erotic and romantic and when we stopped, I felt empty.

I watch as I lean my forehead against his and sigh. “What are we going to do? I can’t reject you because, like you, my feelings don’t stem from the Mate Bond itself. It’s more like my feelings for you got amplified by the Sighting.”

“That’s exactly how I feel, I don’t want to reject you, either,” he says, shaking his head and leaning back. “Do you want this with me, Vik?”

Younger me chuckles. “Is that even still a question after that kiss?”

In response to that, Ilya kissed me again but this time instead of my heart fluttering, my cock twitched. I remember how scared I felt afterward because I had never been interested in any other person before this. 

Hell, I never kissed anyone either, much less a guy. 

Ilya’s kisses head towards my neck and when he gently brushes his lips against the nape of my neck where you would claim your mate, an intense shiver of desire shot up my spine. I groan, my cock now hardened to steel in my slacks.

He peels himself from me and leans his head back, that smile on his face looking as gorgeous as ever. “Fuck, Viktor, you have no idea how much I’m trying to hold back right now,” he says, breathing out a sigh. “But I have to hold back because I need to speak to your brother.”

He gets to his feet and younger me joins him, a frown knitted tightly on his brow. “Why do you need to speak with Kai?”

Ilya grins as he shrugs on his coat, and my heart leaps into my throat at the memory.

“Because I need to claim my mate,” he says and I watch as the younger me turns blood red. Ilya places another light kiss on my lips, runs the pad of his thumb over my bottom lip, and sighs. “I can’t wait to make you mine.”

I watch him walking out and the younger me slumps onto the couch feeling blissfully in love. But something about the way Ilya’s happy smile dropped to a panicked one has me doing something I haven’t done while jumping through my memories.

I follow someone else.

The second the elevator doors close, Ilya’s smile drops completely and his eyes are shining with unshed tears. He slides to the floor with his head hanging in his hands, groaning as if in pain. The sound of him sobbing catches me off guard, and he shakes his head vehemently. 

“I’m so sorry, Vik…I’m so sorry…” he sobs and a bright light envelops us again, transporting me to another memory.