Mother's warning

"Does your father know you're interested in the cleaner's daughter, Lucas?"

Mma's question hung in our little room like smoke.

Lucas stood beside the doorway, his hands resting in his pockets. His expensive school blazer looked out of place against our cracked walls, and his polished shoes seemed completely out of place beside Mma's old plastic slippers.

For a moment, he said nothing.

I wished he would answer quickly. I wished he would say something clever enough to make Mma smile or something sensible enough to convince her that his presence meant nothing.

Instead, he looked at me.

And somehow, that made everything worse.

"Mma," I muttered, "he just brought the documents."

"I can see that, Keitu."

Her eyes remained on Lucas.

He cleared his throat.

"My father knows I came here to deliver the papers."

"That wasn't my question."

Lucas hesitated.

"No, Ma'am."

Mma nodded slowly, as though she had expected that answer.

"Then perhaps you should be careful about what you want, young man."

"Mma, please," I whispered.

She turned towards me.

"What? Am I lying?"

I lowered my eyes.

Lucas shifted his weight.

"I understand."

"Do you?" Mma asked. "Because boys your age often think wanting something means they should have it. They don't always think about what happens afterwards."

His jaw tightened slightly, but he didn't argue.

"I'm not trying to hurt her."

The words escaped him so quietly that I almost wished I hadn't heard them.

Mma's expression changed, but only slightly.

"Then don't."

Silence settled between us.

Lucas looked at me one last time. There was something in his eyes I couldn't understand, something that made me want to ask him to stay even though every sensible part of me wanted him gone.

"Goodnight, Keitu," he said.

"Goodnight."

He stepped outside, and I watched him disappear into the darkness.

Mma waited until his footsteps faded before closing the door.

Then she turned towards me.

"Sit down."

I sat on the edge of my mattress.

She folded her arms.

"How long have you been talking to that boy?"

"We're not talking like that."

"I didn't ask what kind of talking it was."

"Mma, he's just been around school. He helped me when it rained, and today he brought those papers. That's all."

"Then why did he look at you as if he wanted to say something he couldn't say in front of me?"

My mouth opened.

Nothing came out.

Mma sighed and sat beside me. The mattress dipped beneath her weight.

"Keitu, I know you're growing up. I know you'll meet people, and some of them will make your heart do things you don't understand. I'm not telling you never to love someone."

"Then what are you telling me?"

"I'm telling you that love does not erase the world around you."

She glanced towards the little window, where the school lights reflected against the darkness.

"That boy has a family, a future and a life waiting for him. You have your own life to build. Don't let anyone make you feel that you must become smaller just to fit into theirs."

I swallowed the ache in my throat.

"What if he's different?"

Mma looked at me for a long moment.

"Then time will show you."

She stood and returned to her mattress, ending the conversation the way she always did when she believed she had said enough.

But I lay awake long after she had fallen asleep.

All I could hear was Lucas saying, I'm not trying to hurt her.

He had said it as though hurting me was already something he feared.

And that frightened me more than if he had laughed.

---

By Friday morning, I had decided to avoid him.

It was a sensible decision. A mature decision. The kind of decision a girl who understood her circumstances would make.

Unfortunately, my heart had never been particularly interested in sensible decisions.

I spotted Lucas near the Grade 12 classrooms before assembly. He was surrounded by his rugby teammates, laughing at something one of them had said.

His tie was perfectly straight, his hair neatly styled, and his smile looked as effortless as everything else about him.

Then his eyes found mine.

His smile faded into something quieter.

He excused himself from his friends and started walking towards me.

I immediately turned to Refilwe.

"Let's go."

"Go where?" she asked, looking confused.

"Anywhere."

"Keitu, assembly is that side."

"Then let's go to assembly."

She stared at me before glancing over my shoulder.

"Oh," she said, drawing the word out. "This is about Lucas."

"It's not."

"Sure, and I'm the principal."

Olerato joined us, following our gaze. Unlike Refilwe, she didn't tease me. She simply studied my face.

"Did something happen yesterday?"

"No."

"Keitu."

I hated how easily she could hear a lie in my voice.

Before I could answer, Lucas reached us.

"Morning."

"Morning," Olerato replied politely.

Refilwe smiled so widely that I wanted the ground to swallow her.

"Morning, Captain."

Lucas gave her a brief look.

"Morning, Refilwe."

Then he turned to me.

"Can I speak to you?"

"I have class."

"Assembly first," Olerato pointed out helpfully.

I shot her a look.

Lucas lowered his voice.

"Just a minute."

I looked at my friends, hoping one of them would rescue me.

Refilwe looked ready to sell tickets to the conversation. Olerato simply raised her eyebrows.

"Fine," I said. "One minute."

We moved a short distance away, close enough that I could still hear the noise of learners gathering for assembly.

"Did I do something wrong?" he asked.

I folded my arms.

"Why would you think that?"

"Because you've been avoiding me."

"Maybe I have things to do."

"You always have things to do."

"Then you have your answer."

He studied me, and for once, he didn't smile.

"Is this because of what your mother said?"

My stomach tightened.

"Don't talk about my mother."

"I'm not speaking badly about her."

"You don't understand."

"Then explain it to me."

I laughed without humour.

"Why? So you can understand what it feels like to be me for five minutes before going back to your beautiful house?"

His expression changed.

I regretted the words immediately, but I was too hurt to take them back.

"You think I see you that way?" he asked.

"I don't know how you see me, Lucas. That's the problem."

He looked down briefly before meeting my eyes again.

"Then let me show you."

My heart betrayed me with one hard beat.

I looked away.

He took a small step closer, but stopped when he noticed how uncomfortable I had become.

"Keitu, I'm not asking you to forget where you come from. I'm not asking you to pretend to be someone else."

"Then what are you asking?"

He was quiet for a moment.

"Just give me a chance to know you."

Before I could answer, the assembly bell rang.

Learners began moving towards the courtyard, their voices filling the space between us.

Lucas stepped back.

"I won't force you to talk to me," he said. "But I'm not going to pretend I don't want to."

He walked away before I could find a response.

I stood there, watching him join his classmates.

Refilwe and Olerato approached a few seconds later.

Refilwe immediately opened her mouth.

"Okay, I need to know what—"

"Not now, Refilwe."

She stopped, surprised by my tone.

Olerato looked at me carefully.

"Are you okay?"

I nodded, although I wasn't entirely sure.

We walked towards the assembly courtyard together.

For the first time, I understood why Mma had warned me.

It wasn't because Lucas was rich.

It was because somewhere between his unexpected kindness and the way he looked at me, I had started wanting to believe him.

And believing him could become the most dangerous thing I had ever done.