When Hearts Betray

It was a dark evening with cool gentle breeze, the beauty of the sunless sky obscured by mocking rain clouds, the sounds of the dry leaves on the ground, complaining how unfair it was that they had been cast down from the trees and the response of their comrades, affirming to hang on and continue the struggle against the wind.

The clouds had moved a bit permitting a little light from the full moon, that glowed into the distant lake below and the lake in turn returning the favour by reflecting the beauty of its heavenly counterpart. The deem glow casting a shadow upon the trees and flowers as the night grew darker; everything emitted such undeniable beauty and calm.

She shuddered and inhaled deeply in the scent of the flowers, the lake, the sand and the imaginary scent of his person, closing her eyes she exhaled, as a beautiful tear drop saturated her chin finding its way to her slightly parted lips, raising her head a little, she stared at the beauty of the moon as the dark clouds permitted just a little more view, as if jealous to allow full view to the domain above its dark recesses.

Bringing her hands up slowly, she hugged at herself, gently stroking her shoulders with her fingers as if to comfort her self for what laid ahead. The tip of her flay gown danced in the gentle wind, in unison with her loose waist length beautiful black hair which moved in rhyme with the rhythm of her dress. Standing under the moon light in all her charms and almost unnatural beauty, with the deem glow emphasizing the pretty features of her saddened expressions. She looked like some fairy in her beautiful gown claiming dominion over an island, from below the mountain; she looked like a goddess waiting to welcome tired seamen to the comfort of her enchanted island.

Taking slow tired steps, she walked over to the steep end of the mountain, to stare at the lake below, the serenity of its water as it lazily splashed against the rocks. She held herself tighter as if to ease off the chill of the wind against her chest. She depicted such an ironic picture, the saddened expression on her face was in sharp contrast to the lively and happy surroundings around her, yet she was no less beautiful than any.

She had always thought about how it would all end, yet never in her wildest dreams could she have imagined herself here, at this moment, in this place that held so much memory, never could she have imagined herself doing what she was about to do now…Suicide.

 Yes suicide, “Oh God” her heart cried, “how has it come to this, how did I end up at this moment?” she closed her eyes again as the tears streaked down her soft cheeks.

At that moment, the wind blew roughly, the clouds covered the glow of the moon sending darkness around her, the water down the mountain splashed violently against the rocks as if in protest of what she was about to do. 

“O Allah, she whispered forgive me, I don’t ask for anything for myself, for I know I don’t deserve anything from you” she shook now with gentle sobs, the tears flowing unchecked.

“You are wrong” a gentle male voice spoke from behind her; she gasped recognizing the sweetness and familiar calm of his voice.

“I am dreaming” she whispered to herself when she turned to see no one, partly because she was blinded by her tears and because the stringy naughty clouds had refused to share the glow of the moon any more.

“No, you are not” she heard the voice again. “This is no dream, come down from there” the voice said very gently and persuasive.

Blinking away the tears, she strained to see if he truly was there. A slight gasped permitted her lips as her clearing sight caught the features of his face, she stared at him, not sure of her own mental condition, and thinking that her mind must be playing tricks on her at this final moment.

She closed her eyes for a few seconds and then opened them again, expecting the illusion would pass, but when she did, he was still there some distance away from her, looking up at her with keen concentration.

She couldn’t see the expression on his face as it was too dark for that. At that moment, the naughty clouds gave in a bit, allowing a little glow from the moon to shine on them, just like the light from a theatre lamp beaming on the main actors, the wind now blew gently and the leaves around the ground making a gentle sound as if to say, “yes we agree with him” the only element to stubborn to be convinced was the water down below, as it splashed ever so violently against the rock, relentless, as if to say to the other elements “I won’t stop until she Is off that cliff…”

“Come down” he said again, “we can talk this through”; he took a step closer so she could make out the expressions on his face.

“Am sorry” she whispered “I am so sorry…” she couldn’t continue, sobs choked her, as she cried uncontrollably.

“I know” he whispered soothingly with understanding and in a matter of fact way, “Believe me, I know that better than anyone else” 

“Forgive me” she whispered “I know how much I hurt you and just how much you must hate me, but please forgive me”, she said, regret evident in her beautiful eyes.

“You are wrong” he said, “I don’t hate you, believe me, I wish I did, it would make things easier, wish I could, but I don’t, I can’t. And you know what? I forgive you, yes, I forgive you for whatever you did and whatever you may do. Do you know why?” he asked talking another step closer.

“Because I love you” he said answering his own question, “I love you so much; I fought against it, lied to myself, and wished I didn’t, but I do…”

She gasped, with shock and surprise at his words, could this really be happening, could he really be telling the truth, could he really love a monster like her, was that ever possible? “No” she concluded, he was lying, but why? Why would he be saying all these? What did he hope to achieve?

“To save me”, she realized, “he is saying all this to save me”. The thought sent such joy and heart gripping regret through her entire being, despite everything; he was still too nice to wish her dead.

“O Allah, forgive me for hurting such a harmless creature” she prayed silently. “You don’t have to say those words” she said managing a sad smile, “you never lied before, don’t start now, because of me…”

“Believe me, I don’t intend to”, he tried to smile, but he was far too scared to fake one. “Just come down from there” he pleaded, “we can talk this through, everything would be okay” he said in a reassuring tone, trying to convince her as much as himself.

“No” she thought to herself, “he can’t be telling the truth, he can’t forgive me for all I did, even if he did, it would only flame up this guilt, I can never forgive myself, I can’t live with myself,” she shook her head determinedly.

The wind blew roughly now as if trying to toss her into his arms, the water splashed ever so loudly against the rocks and the leaves protested loudly against her stubbornness. 

“I have a confession also” she said weakly, smiling a little again. 

“I love you too” she whispered “I loved you from the very start, it’s funny that the reason I hated you, was because I fell in love with you, and the reason why I now love you so much, is because you are the one person I have learned not to hate…every time I hurt you, I also hurt myself,” she tried to smile amidst her flowing tears.

“I know that silly” he said smiling weakly. She smiled also, looking deeply into his eyes. “Thank you for everything” she whispered barely audible now.

“No” he said, “please don’t do it,” he was crying also “please…”

“GOOD BYE” she said as she fell off…