When I Devoted Myself to Science

I heard my wife, Lorelei Septaria's voice coming from the hospital's backyard garden. "You were shocked, Felix. You should be in bed, not out here. Doctor's orders, remember?" She draped one of her coats over Felix Stringer.

I spent a year's worth of salary on that coat for her, but now she was giving it to another guy. Lorelei was looking at Felix like he was her most precious thing in the world. "You should get back inside. It's windy out here."

Carefully, she held Felix and took him back to his ward. We'd been married for years, but I had never seen so much tenderness and concern in her eyes. It was never for me.

Then it hit me. Every time I was sick, she was never around. The only one who was there for me… was me.

The first time I was hospitalized because of an injury, I asked Lorelei to bring me some food. Impatiently, she answered, "I'm not going to waste my time on useless work like that, Jonathan! You love to be the hero, don't you? I don't see the victims' families here taking care of you."

I thought she was just mad because I got hurt saving people, but now I know she just never loved me.

I wanted to go back into my room, but I ran into Lorelei and Felix. She was holding Felix up, and there was barely any distance between them. He smiled at me. "I heard you got hurt again, Jonathan. Are you alright?"

She rolled her eyes. "Oh, please, drop the act. I only delayed your rescue for a short while. You're a soldier. Not like that injury would cost you an arm and a leg."

I was going to ignore them and push myself away, but Lorelei mocked, "Some people are born lowlifes. But I get it. Life is unfair. Felix is a screenwriter. He makes a ton of money with his smarts."

My hands froze. So my wife saw me as nothing but a lowlife? I turned around and fixed my gaze on her. "So you think I'm worthless?"

Lorelei snickered. "But am I wrong? You can't make money with the smarts you have. No, you don't have any smarts at all. Don't try to play the victim with me. You didn't hesitate when you rushed to your death."

I smiled bitterly and watched as my wife went away with another man. "I won't rush to my death again. I will never have that chance again."

When I first met Lorelei, she told me soldiers were the most glorious people. "It's great, you know, soldiers. You guys defend the nation and help it grow stronger every day. Imagine the glory."

We built a lot of chemistry over the span of many missions, and I found myself falling for the bright, bubbly Lorelei. Eventually, I tapped into some favors and got that coat for her. Imported. She happily wore it and checked herself in the mirror.

"I've never worn anything this nice. How do I look? Maybe it's wasted on me."

"No. And you look great. All that matters is that you're happy with it."

We went steady that day. Her boss found out and promoted Lorelei to rescue squad captain. Sure, it wasn't exactly a powerful position, but at least she didn't have to work herself to the bone anymore, and she had more time with me, too.

When she got the news, she squeezed her arms around me in excitement. "I got a promotion! I'm a captain now!"

We were so, so happy.

And then everything changed when he showed up. When she started talking about him.

It was then that I found out my wife loved someone else. Her true love, so to speak.

Felix Stringer was a no-name screenwriter for a production team, and Lorelei's boss wanted to make a movie about rescue squads saving victims of disasters.

The production team sent their screenwriters to them to see what their lives were like and jot down every detail. Felix was one of them, and he was assigned to Lorelei's team.

Lorelei didn't like him that much in the beginning. She said, "We got a new teammate, Jonathan. His name's Felix, and he's a guy from my hometown.

"He's really annoying. The guy's nothing but deadweight."

And then the complaints disappeared.

"He's a funny guy, you know. Always calls me a kitten when I get mad. Oh, it's his birthday today, so I'm skipping dinner.

"Jonathan, you know what Felix did?"

He was starting to bleed into our lives, and he was the person my wife talked about the most. I kept telling her to put some distance between them, but she'd go ballistic every single time.

"Can you stop being paranoid, Jonathan? We're just friends!

"If I wanted to start anything with him, I'd never have married you! How petty are you? I just went out for a bite with him! Not like we did anything!"

…

Eventually, our conversations dwindled, and she stopped talking to me. Even on our anniversary, she was with Felix.

I made a feast that night, waiting for her to come home, but she told me, "He just got to this place. Everything's new and unfamiliar to him, and he's really weak. He needs me."

The same excuse again. That Felix got an injury that ravaged his body, and that he was just a scholar, so he needed more care than some brute.

I thought it was normal, given that they grew up together.

…

And then that fateful day came. I went to her workplace for some exchange program and overheard her talking to her colleagues.

"I'd never have been separated from Felix if he hadn't been forced to serve some program. Jonathan's my husband, but the only guy I love is Felix.

"We have a long history, Felix and I. It goes back more than ten years. Jonathan has nothing on him."

My energy was all taken away from me. It failed me. I couldn't believe someone could fake love. Still, this woman married me, and I had a duty to her. I picked my pieces up, hid my pain, and never talked to anyone about it.