When Memory Erases Me, Who Am I?

Dad caught Mom's wrist just inches from my cheek, gripping it tightly.

"Enough!" he barked, his voice hoarse. "He's sick. Don't you know that he's sick?"

"It's precisely because he's sick that I told him not to take even a single step out of the house with his little brother!"

Mom yanked her hand free, but she didn't come any closer. She just stared at me, her eyes bloodshot.

"He's only three years old! Where could he possibly go in such heavy snowfall?"

Three years old? I tried to speak, but no sound came out. Was she referring to this little brother of mine?

But my mind was a complete blank, except for the New Year's Eve concert replaying on TV and the snow swirling outside.

Hearing the commotion, the neighbors came over too.

"Let's keep looking. A kid can't have run far. Maybe he went to one of his friends' houses?"

Dad pulled Mom to her feet. "Why are you still sitting here? Get up and help look! There's no point trying to explain it to him!"

For a moment, Mom's eyes seemed to clear. "Right! I need to find my Ray-Ray…"

Without another glance at me, she grabbed a flashlight and hurried outside.

The neighbors followed, shouting my little brother's name, while I stood there alone, my mind utterly blank.

"Ray-Ray? Isn't Ray-Ray my name?" I wondered.

I only had memories from before I was three years old. Back then, Mom and Dad called me "Ray-Ray", too.

"Josh Greenwood! What are you standing there for? Come help us find your brother!"

Josh? Why had my name changed?

Whatever. If I couldn't figure it out, there was no point in thinking about it.

I had barely stepped outside when a shout came from somewhere in the distance.

"I found him! Ray-Ray's here!"

Everyone rushed toward the old locust tree at the entrance of the village. There was a shallow trench there, almost completely buried beneath the snow.

My little brother, Ray-Ray, was inside. His face was purple from the cold, and his hair was matted with icicles.

Mom let out a wail and threw herself toward him.

"Ray-Ray! My Ray-Ray!"

As if he sensed her, Ray-Ray opened his eyes. But instead of looking at Mom, he stared straight at me.

"Joshie… Why didn't you come find me?" he asked before bursting into tears. "You promised you'd come find me after counting to 30. I've found a hiding spot, and I was waiting for you…"

Mom snapped her head toward me. She gently laid Ray-Ray down, then walked over.

Her palm cracked across my face, and my left ear immediately rang with a loud buzz.

"Are you happy now?" Mom snarled, her voice trembling with rage. "Are you satisfied after seeing how he nearly froze to death? How could I have ended up with a child like you?"

"This illness… This damn illness! It makes you forget your brother, forget us—what, are you going to forget who you are next?"

Her tears finally spilled down her cheeks.

"Or… did you do this on purpose? Did you pretend not to remember, then leave him out in the freezing snow to die?"

"Enough!"

Dad finally spoke up, but all he did was pull Ray-Ray closer against his chest. "Let's get Ray-Ray home and warm him up. The doctor will be here soon."

No one said a word in my defense.

I didn't know how to defend myself either. It had indeed been my fault in the first place.

Mom glared at me, eyes burning with rage. "You stay right here. Feel just how cold and terrified your brother was!"

With that, they turned and left.

Seeing this, the neighbors felt there was nothing more they could say and went home as well.