Chapter 2

The snow came down harder and harder.

I slowly crouched and curled myself into the shallow trench, just like Ray-Ray had done.

The icy snow immediately soaked through my clothes.

So this was how cold it was.

I was such an idiot. How could I have forgotten something like that? But… I was indeed sick.

The doctor had said I had a rare, progressive memory disorder.

It was as though something was slowly eating away at my hippocampus.

New memories couldn't take hold, and old ones were also fading bit by bit.

Mom said it was as if there was an eraser in my head.

But I didn't know why I had one there in the first place.

All I knew was that things I could remember in the morning became blurry by noon.

Mom called me stupid. Maybe I was.

The night grew darker and darker.

One by one, the lights came on in the town in the distance, accompanied by the occasional crack of firecrackers.

It was time to go home. I moved my stiff legs.

But the moment I stood up, that familiar feeling washed over me again. I blinked and looked around.

The trees were white. The road was white.

I turned around, then turned back. What was I supposed to be doing just now?

Go home. Right, go home. But… where was home?

My heart suddenly began to race. I pressed a hand against my chest and took deep, shuddering breaths.

I had to think.

Today was New Year's Eve. My little brother wanted to play hide-and-seek, and then Mom slapped me… And then what happened?

I couldn't remember.

Whatever. I'd just wait for a bit. When they realized I hadn't come home, they'd come looking for me, just like they had gone looking for my little brother.

I sat in the trench, hugging my knees and counting the firecrackers going off in the distance.

1, 2… By 17, I had already forgotten what number I was on.

Then the bells rang to welcome the new year. Fireworks exploded across the sky, lighting up the entire night.

It was so pretty.

During past New Years, Dad used to set off fireworks for me, then tell me to make a wish. But what had I wished for? I'd forgotten that, too.

I curled up even tighter.

I should've been freezing, but instead, I was getting hotter and hotter. I took off my jacket, then my sweater. But it was still too hot.

By the time I stripped down to just my thermal wear, I felt like I was floating.

Then I blinked. And suddenly, I found myself back home.

The New Year's concert was still playing on TV. Mom sat on the couch with my brother in her arms, feeding him hot soup by the spoonful.

"Be good, Ray-Ray. One more sip. It'll warm you up."

The color had returned to Ray-Ray's face. He was wrapped in a thick blanket, leaving only his eyes visible.

"Where's Joshie?" Ray-Ray asked suddenly.

Mom's hand froze midair. "Don't mention him."

"But he's not back yet…"

"Serves him right!" she snapped. "He should get a taste of what it feels like to freeze out in the snow! He's old enough, yet he can't even keep an eye on his own little brother!"

I wanted to walk over and apologize, but I seemed to walk right through the coffee table.

I froze.

"Josh still isn't back," Dad said as he stood by the window, looking outside. "The snow's getting heavier…"

"Now you're worried?" Mom didn't even look up. "What if something had really happened to Ray-Ray today? Huh? Tell me, what would we have done?"

Dad fell silent.

"He did it on purpose! He's jealous of his brother, so he pretended to forget! That illness… Who even knows if it's real? Even the doctor said he'd never seen such a strange case…"

"The doctor already said it's an organic brain lesion," Dad said softly.

"Would an organic brain lesion make him forget only his brother and nothing else? Would it let him remember to watch TV but not look for his brother?"

Mom's voice suddenly rose. "He hates us for having a second child! He hates us for giving some of our love to Ray-Ray!"

Startled, Ray-Ray burrowed deeper into Mom's arms.

She immediately softened her tone and gently patted his back. "Shh… Don't be scared. Mommy's not talking about you, my sweet Ray-Ray…"

Dad stood by the window for a long time before finally turning away. "When he comes back, I need to talk to him."

"Talk about what? About how he almost got his brother killed?" Mom scoffed.

"If you ask me, we should just send him to an institution. He can't remember anything anyway, so what difference does it make where he lives?"

Dad didn't answer.

I stood off to the side and opened my mouth. "I…"

No sound came out.

I reached for Mom's shoulder, but my hand passed straight through her body.

So, I was already dead. Maybe that was for the best.

This way, I wouldn't forget anything ever again.