3 - Loss

Melissa’s POV

“I don’t remember asking you to go here,” I say in a low voice. “Go home and keep celebrating your birthday. Go back to your room, Allie.”

Hearing the graveness in my tone, Allie breaks away from Andrew and heads back to her room. Her steps are slow, and I can tell that she’s clearly in pain. I’m shaking just thinking of what Andrew did to make her lie and deny all of this. I turn to face him, but instead of looking ashamed, he just looks annoyed with me.

“Eleanor and Lottie took time to go here even though Allie is lying about feeling bad,” Andrew says.

“Lying?” I echo, pointing at the door. “Get in there and look!”

Eleanor comes over to me and pats my shoulder. “Hey, Melissa. It’s alright, I promise you. Allie doesn’t need to do this. Lottie and I can just leave. It’s just that we’re happy Andrew is back in our lives, and I just want my daughter to know her father. I’m sure you would want the same for Allie, right? Allie is always welcome at my home. She can come back to the party.”

I want to scream. I want to slap her hand off me and slap her. I want to hurt Andrew most of all, to wipe that smug look in his face.

But Allie needs me more.

Without looking at either of them, I turn around to go back to Allie’s room.

“Let’s go,” I hear Andrew say as I close the door. “Let them keep this act up. They’re going to get tired eventually.”

The tears I’ve been holding back this entire time start to stream down my cheeks as I sit on the chair next to Allie’s bed. She’s already sleeping from exhaustion, probably not just physical. I think she’s tired from being neglected too.

I close my eyes as I hold her hand, resting my forehead against her palm as I wish all of this to go away….

But the worst is yet to come.

I fall asleep too. My tiredness seems to have finally caught up to me. But then, I wake up to the sound of footsteps in the room, followed by urgent voices.

I lift my head to find six nurses inside the room, and there’s a beeping sound somewhere. Dazed, I look around and see Allie being sat up on her bed, her nose bleeding while her eyes are closed.

“What’s happening?” I ask frantically. “What’s going on?”

“We need to do the surgery now,” one of the nurses says. “She’s bleeding again. We might not have much time.”

“What?” I splutter, holding Allie’s hand and noticing that her eyes are opening. “Allie, baby, fight for me, okay? You’re going to be alright. This will all be over soon.”

“Mommy,” she says faintly.

I shake my head. “Don’t talk, baby. They’re going to take you to the operating room, and you will be alright.”

Allie tries to nod, but her eyes start to close. Her hand grows colder in mine. “Mommy… I love you and Daddy. Tell Daddy I love him.”

“You will tell him that yourself after this, okay?” I say, swallowing back my tears. “I love you so much, baby. It’s all going to be alright.”

I turn to the nurses to signal them to take Allie now, but then, the doctor enters the room. He looks… scared. Uneasy. When he glances at me, a bad feeling immediately shoots up to my chest.

“Mrs. Morgan,” he says, and his tone is strangely stiff and shocked, like he just heard a bad story.

“Take Allie to the operating room now,” I say. “She’s ready. I’m going to sign the consent forms and everything will be—”

“Mrs. Morgan,” he says again, cutting through my words. “I’m… I’m sorry, but the surgery won’t happen anymore.”

My stomach sinks. “What? Why?”

“The donors pulled out.”

There’s that feeling again. The sensation of everything closing around me, like I’m being squeezed by a fist. I shake my head, not wanting to believe it, but the shame on the doctor’s face is enough to tell me that it’s true.

“No,” I say in despair. “You need to bring them back around. I will talk to them personally. We can pay for it. Allie’s dad, he’s very well off and I’m sure that he will be able to pay any amount they want—”

“I couldn’t make them sign, Mrs. Morgan,” he says. “They seemed to have changed their mind about donating, and nothing I said convinced them. But we have another donor in line, and right now we’re just trying to negotiate with them—”

Suddenly, a loud beeping sound erupts in the room. I wheel around and see that Allie is shaking in her bed, convulsing as though some big creature is trying to get out of her body. A scream erupts out of my mouth. I try to rush towards her, but her body shakes become more and more extreme by the second.

Then comes the blood.

It oozes out of her nose, and there’s so much of it that it gets to her mouth. The nurses panic and crowd around her, attaching all sorts of things to her body to get her to stabilize.

The beeping sound gets more aggressive. Faster. Like it’s mocking me. Like it’s telling me that we’re approaching the end.

“Allie!” I call out, trying to see that the nurses are doing while keeping my eyes on the monitor. “Allie, Mommy is here! Mommy is right here and she knows you can fight this!”

I start to cry. The doctor rushes over to Allie as the beeping sound stops.

Becoming one continuous beep.

Which means that Allie’s heart has stopped.

“Get ready!” the doctor orders the nurses and they set up another equipment.

I recognize it as a defibrillator.

I never thought I would see one in real life. Hell, I never thought that anyone would use it on my daughter in real life.

Everything feels like a dream right now. A nightmare. I want to wake up from it desperately, looking away as they charge up the device and bring it up to a good voltage. The last thing I see is the doctor pressing it on Allie’s chest.

Her whole body bounces. Her tiny little body. The one I grew out of mine. The one I gave birth to. The one that gave me life….

“Allie, please fight,” I whisper, crying so hard that my chest hurts. “Allie, please, I’m begging you… don’t leave Mommy. Don’t leave me….”

One more hit. Allie’s body jolts. I look at the monitor, desperate to see movement. To see life.

But nothing happens.

Just the flat line.

Allie’s body has given up. After such a long fight, she has chosen rest.

She’s dead.