4 - Done

Melissa’s POV

All the air has been sucked out of the room. I inhale, but my chest is hard with disbelief and grief, forming a big lump in my throat. I try to look at the doctor, my denial so strong that I’m waiting for him to say that this is all a cruel joke.

But of course, that doesn’t happen.

My vision blurs with tears. Allie could have been saved if the donor didn’t change their mind at the last minute.

“Why?” I mumble. “Why… are they even allowed to change their mind that quickly? Why did they do that?”

Doctor Samuels shakes his head. “I’m sorry, but I don’t know either. We can’t force them to donate if they don’t consent.”

“I need to know,” I state, slowly losing my mind.

I take out my phone to call Andrew. He’s a powerful man, and maybe he can help me find the donor and just know why they changed their mind. I need something else to think about other than the loss.

But I call and call and call. He doesn’t answer. I know that when it comes to Lottie and Eleanor, he just has to hear the first beat of the ringtone. But when it comes to me, he can let it play until it disappears, just like what happens now.

The doctor watches me, trying to hide the pity in his eyes. I want to be angry but I don’t even have the energy for that. I just put my phone into my pocket.

“I need to see Allie.”

Doctor Samuels nods and brings me to a different room. It’s so cold here, like walking into a fridge. The lights are bright, stark white, and lying in the middle of the room on a metal bed is Allie, covered in a white sheet.

With shaking hands, I lift the sheet. Allie’s still, pale face greets me. No longer moving. No longer breathing. Not even warm. It’s the coldness of her skin that shocks me when I touch her face. Her chest is hard. Her whole body is.

“I’m sorry, Allie,” I weep. “I’m sorry mommy couldn’t save you….”

Only then it occurs to me that I will never hear her voice again. I will never see her smile again. All the dreams that she told me, all the things she wanted to do… they’re gone along with her.

And now I’m alone.

“I’m going to be strong for you, Allie. I’m going to be as strong as you.”

How long I stayed there and wept, I don’t know. But by the time I come to my senses, it’s already bright outside. It’s a new day. My first day without my daughter.

I come back to the hospital room to collect our things. I have told Doctor Samuels that I will come back; I just have to deal with the whole thing.

As I put Allie’s things into our bags, something solidifies inside me.

I’m… done.

Maybe I’m looking at the wrong person to blame.  I know that if we could pay a lot for the donor, they wouldn’t have backed out. I know that if Andrew was here, then Allie would have had more strength to keep fighting. I couldn’t keep her father. I couldn’t even get him to care.

The only thing I can do for Allie now is work myself to the bone to give her the best send-off I can give without Andrew.

With the bags in tow, I leave the hospital room. My head is still in a daze, so when a little girl runs towards me and bumps into my bag, I barely even look. But then, the girl falls flat on her back and I finally look at her.

My heart sinks when I see her face. “Lottie?”

“Lottie!” comes Eleanor’s voice. “Melissa, why did you hit her with your bag?”

I’m so disconcerted that I don’t even speak. Eleanor walks up to me and snatches up her daughter, putting on that self-righteous look again. “Look, I’m sorry that Andrew can’t make time for you and Allie since we came back, but you can’t go around blaming me for the fact that Andrew cares about us more!”

Her words finally dawn on me. The damage that her presence has done finally dawns on me too. My body reacts faster than my mind.

I raise my hand to slap her.

But suddenly, Eleanor’s demeanor changes from haughty to innocent and afraid. She kneels and shields Lottie, screaming, “Please stop! Don’t take your anger out on Lottie! Just hurt me instead!”

Of course it’s an act. And I walked right into her little stage, just in time for Andrew to come rushing over.

He grabs Eleanor and Lottie, pulling them behind him and shielding them like I’m some sort of a monster who’s come to terrorize them.

“What on earth are you thinking?” he screams in my face. “Why are you attacking them?”

Just then, Lottie starts to sob. “It’s all my fault, Daddy. I made Allie and Auntie Melissa angry. I made you celebrate my birthday instead of being with Allie. I deserve to be hurt.”

For the first time, I’m not shocked that Lottie would get in on the act. How many times has this happened? Countless.

I remember the first time Andrew introduced Lottie to Allie, saying they’re sisters and would be best friends. Allie, as soft and as innocent as always, hugged Lottie and took her to her room to play. Suddenly, Lottie ran down the stairs crying and showing a bruise. She claimed Allie pushed her off the bed.

Allie told us that Lottie jumped and lost her balance. But Andrew fell for Lottie’s tears and grounded Allie for a week.

It was only a precedent for many things to come.

The playdate at the park, where Lottie leapt off the swing and blamed Allie. The time when Lottie lost her bag at the mall and accused Allie of taking it. So many transgressions. So many moments where Allie felt the favoritism.

“Does Daddy love me?” she asked me once. “Why doesn’t he believe me?”

It’s all funneled into my chest now, solidifying into rock-hard, red-hot rage. I glare at Lottie, my fist clenched.

Eleanor sniffles, making a big show of shielding Lottie. “Melissa, please stop bullying a literal child. Just attack me”

All the restraint in my body comes undone. As you wish!

I slap Eleanor, hard, reaching across Andrew and dragging her forward. She falls on the floor and I get on top of her, slapping her over and over, as hard as I can. She cries and screams but I don’t care. I smack her face until my hands are raw.

But suddenly, I feel strong hands pulling me up. I struggle against it, pulling myself free from Andrew.

“What the fuck are you thinking?” He helps Eleanor to her feet and hugs her. “Melissa, you’re way out of hand!”

I can’t speak. I just stare at him. The man I adored for ten years. The man I endured so much for. And what did I get?

He used to be so calm, but this woman changed him.

Or at least, this woman brought out what he’s been holding inside. Nothing but hate for me and Allie.

“Speak, Melissa!” Andrew demands, snatching my arm.

But I pull it back and deliver a slap to him too. Eleanor gasps as my hand makes contact with his cheek. His face goes red. He slowly faces me, about to explode.

I beat him to it.

“I want a divorce.”