Prologue

All her mother wanted her to be was a woman with value, who would be pursued by men and not the other way around. But when Sidd stole her heart, Nadia voided her mother's advice and was sure to give her all to Sidd no matter the cause.

Then Sidd left her world completely after a night with him. Nadia was confirmed pregnant and the shock killed her mother.

A few years later, Nadia decided to stop waiting for Sidd and move on, caring for her child only. But their path crossed again. This time, Sidd was engaged to his co-actor, Ria. She will do anything to keep Sidd to herself and nothing can ever get in her way of doing that even if it requires murdering.

Nadia couldn't help but fall for Sidd over again, but unfortunately for her, Sidd will never love her. He rejected her right in front of Ria, offering to pay Nadia off. Insulted and broken, Nadia promised never to forgive him.

But when she gets into the same industry as him, more complications occur. Will she be able to forgive him? Or will the hatred she feels for him overpower her not to? How will she tackle Ria when all she does is make life more miserable for her? When it worsens, who will she choose? Her career and son or Sidd?

***

Nadia's POV

Turning my head to Amanda, she closed her eyes. She must have been forcing her eyes open for me to finish my story. She dozed off. Even Zeehan, who joined us earlier has slept off again. But sleep was far from my eyes. Being persuaded to remember the past has initiated the hurting of old wounds. Sidd did not only leave me with a soul to care for, but he also took a soul from me. My mom. Tears trickled down my cheeks, recalling how my careless act killed my mom.

***

A few weeks after Sidd left, I fell ill. I was with my mom after the semester exams. I couldn’t stand up from the bed. She entered my room in the morning with a cup of tea.

“What is wrong with you, Nadia?” she asked softly, sitting on the edge of the bed. I forced myself to sit up, hugging the bedsheet tighter to my body.

“Good morning, Mother,” I greeted with a broken voice. My body was hot but I was cold from within. I was shivering and heating up. My mom drew closer, palpating my neck. She pulled her hand away instantly.

“You have a high fever, Nadia. Come on, drink this and dress up. Let’s go to the hospital,” she stated, stretching forward the cup of tea to me.

“I don’t want to drink, Mother. I will be fine, don’t worry,” I said, laying back on the bed. I couldn’t hold myself up. She put the cup down on the nightstand and pulled the bedclothes from my body.

“Stand up, we are going to the hospital,” she insisted, holding me up.

“I don’t want to, Mother,” I cried in pain.

“You want me to watch you remain like this? You have been unwell for two days now. You claim to be fine and it’s getting worse each passing day,” she made me stand up. My legs wobbled and suddenly I felt like puking. I covered my mouth and rushed into the bathroom to puke. Puking out my guts, I splashed water on my face. What is wrong with me? I don’t remember the last time I fell sick like this. Also, puking? Stepping out of the bathroom, my mom stood at the door with arms akimbo, staring indifferently at me. I walked passed her and sat on the bed.

“What is with the look, Mother?” I asked as her stare intensified. It seemed she was scanning my body to reach my mind and read it.

“We are going to the hospital in the next 10 minutes,” she declared and went out. I was confused. Why the change of tone?

Two hours later, we were back home from the hospital. My mom hasn’t been in a good mood throughout our trip to the hospital. What runs through her mind? I entered my room. I took the drugs the doctor prescribed for me and relaxed on the bed. I was about to close my eyes to sleep when my mom entered, startling me. She wore an expressionless look, moving to me.

“What is wrong, Mother?” I asked, sitting up. She sighed and sat opposite me on a chair.

“I want to ask you a critical question, Nadia. I want you to tell me the whole truth?” she said. Though I was confused as to why she was acting weird I nodded. “When was the last time you saw your period?” she asked. My eyes popped out. Butterflies filled my stomach. What was she driving at? Taking a pregnancy test doesn’t mean I am pregnant.

“Uh, I… that should be… um, a month ago,” I stuttered.

“You haven’t seen your period this month?” she queried, peering her eyes on my face. I shook my head. “Are you pregnant?” she added and a lump formed in my throat. Fear etched on my face. How can I be pregnant?

“No…” I voiced out as if yelling for it not to be true. “I mean no, I am not pregnant, Mother. How can you even think that far? I am sure it’s just a fever,” I defended. But deep down, I was scared. “Let’s just wait for the doctor’s results, okay?” I added. She sighed.

“We should wait for the doctor’s results,” she repeated as if making sure the words were correct. “Let it not be what I am thinking, Nadia. If it is… your mother will become your nightmare,” she warned and stood up. I was dripping with sweat. She left my room. Mother has never talked to me like this before. I just pray I am not pregnant. How can I? Sidd is my first. Am I pregnant for Sidd? The thought thumbs up my heart. At first, I didn’t deem the test necessary but now I highly anticipate the results. It should not be what I am thinking. Dear God, save me.

A couple of days later, I returned home from Amanda’s place and met my mom walking across the living room with a white paper in her hand. She halted upon seeing me. From the look on her face, nothing was all right. I slowly dropped my bag on the couch.

“What is the matter, Mother?” I queried. My question earned me a glare. She stretched forward the paper to me.

“Tell me what the contents mean?” she demanded. My heart fluttered as I peered my eyes around the write-up in the paper. I gasped, quickly covering my mouth with my hand. Pregnant? Lifting my eyes to my mom, I met red eyes, glowing with infuriation.

“Mo… mother?” I stuttered, not quite sure what to say.

“Who is he?” she asked calmly. My mother was advised severely not to get hot-tempered to avoid the increase in her BP. “Who is responsible for your pregnancy?” she added, taking two steps toward me. I moved back to the door.

“He… he is… I don’t…” I stuttered. How can I tell my furious mom that I was pregnant by a man from another country because of my lack of self-control?

“Two days, Nadia. I give you two days to present the father of that thing you are comforting in your womb to me, else…” she declared and turned to go to her room. I dropped on the couch. I understand my mom’s point. It seemed history was repeating itself. My mom got pregnant in her early adulthood with a man who denied the pregnancy and abandoned her. I was born. She knew I needed a father in my life. She remarried a married man who turned his back on her after a few years of their marriage. Giving up on men, my second stepdad stepped into the picture. He promised to give my mom the world if she allowed him to be my father. After a long persuasion, my mom agreed and they began dating. During their courtship, his attitude changed. He would get drunk and beat my mom up at the slightest provocation. She bore all his torture, but the day he unleashed his drunk beating ability on me, my mom left him for good. Since then, we have been living together with no relatives but each other. My mom gave me a reason never to love a man with all my heart. She wanted me to graduate, build my career, and become an independent woman. She taught me to add value to my life before expecting a man to value me. But everything changed when I fell for Sidd. All my mom’s advice fell on deaf ears.

I rushed into my room and shut the door. I wiped my tears and sat on the bed, holding up my phone. Sidd has neither replied to my messages nor called me as he promised. I texted him severally, hoping he would reply to them this time. I called him on I*******m, but nothing worked.

“Oh God! Answer the damn call, Sidd. Reply to my messages for heaven’s sake,” I cried. I dump my phone on the bed and face down, crying bitterly.

I woke up the following day, picking up my phone and checking if Sidd replied to any of my messages. Nothing. What should I do? Mother will kill me. Who do I present as my baby’s father? I dropped back on the bed, tearing up again. Throughout the day, Mother avoided me like a plague. She would snub me whenever I wished to talk to her. I tried begging her and the only words she said was “two days.” What should I do? Sidd has abandoned me. How do I tell my mom that the father of my unborn child has abandoned me? I continued, nothing changed. The pain of abandonment left a lump in my throat.

“Where is he?” my mom queried in the living room after two days.

“He is… he couldn’t come, Mother,” I lied.

“Why? Doesn’t he know he is an upcoming father? Who is going to take care of the child and save him? Where does he live?” she questioned. Though through a calm voice, I could still feel the venom of anger laced in her tone. I dropped to my knees with tears trickling down my cheeks.

“Please, Mother. You have to calm down, okay? I know I made a big mistake. Forgive me, please,” I sobbed.

“You don’t know him? You were sleeping around, Nadia?” she groaned. I shook my head at her words.

“No, Mother. He was my first, I didn’t sleep around, I’m sorry.”

“I will forgive you on one condition. He is going to come and seek your hand in marriage in three days. But before then, I would like to talk to him, call him,” she demanded and sat on the couch. I looked around me, confused. Who do I call?

“I can’t, Mother. I can’t call him. He left me,” I blurted in sorrow and Mother jerked up.

“He did what, Nadia? How could you? How could you be so careless to sleep with a man who is not your husband?” her voice broke into tears. “I told you my history with men. I trained you not to take my path but to create yours in a way that men will value you and yearn to be with you. I wanted you to be a woman of virtue, a focused lady who knows what she wants in life. Where did I go wrong? You graduated with pregnancy, Nadia. Your father abandoned me with you in my womb. He chose to go with another woman, leaving me to suffer. You are just like your father, Nadia. You don’t care about what I feel or what I deserve, you go about doing what pleases you. I thought I gave birth to a woman, I never knew I gave birth to a whore. I regret giving birth to you, Nadia! I won’t ever…”

“Mother!” I shouted, cutting her off from her words. “Please,” I whimpered.

“You are a disgrace, Nadia. Henceforth…” she paused. “Ow!” she cried. Lifting my eyes to her, I saw her holding her chest, staggering back. I jerked up to hold her. She fell on the couch.

“Mother? What is wrong?” I cried. She wheezed.

“Never let… a man treat… you… like trash,” that was my mom's last statement and she gasped her last breath.

“Mother? Wake up, Mother!” I shook her vigorously. “Somebody help me! Mother! Don’t do this to me, please. I said I’m sorry. Stay with me, I’m begging you. Mother!” I sobbed. My head heavies with pain. Tears streamed uncontrollably down my cheeks and fear made me shudder nonstop. I fumbled around her. I checked her pulse, she was indeed not breathing. Is my mother truly dead? No, I refuse to accept that. “Mother? Argh!” I wailed.

***

She was my backbone, my friend, and my counselor. She was my only family and I lost her just like that. I lost her because of Sidd. If I hadn’t gotten pregnant, my mother wouldn’t have been enraged and her BP wouldn’t have risen the way it did and took her away from me. My mother’s death caused me a lot. I had to start a life without a family. I was alone, broken, and shattered. Though Amanda kept visiting me, it still couldn’t take away the pain of loneliness that I felt. The thought that my mom was angry with me before dying killed me from within. I was depressed and traumatized. It took me a whole month to accept the truth that I would never see my mother again. And I learned to bear the pain when I heard the cry of Zeehan. But in all of these, I still couldn’t bring myself to hate Sidd. I just kept my distance, I stopped watching his movies and made sure not to see him on social media. I tried to forget everything about him and I am still trying. Not seeing him, not hearing from him, nothing took the love I have for him away. I still love Sidd and Zeehan reminds me of that love each passing day. I closed my eyes, hoping sleep would take me on a ride to forget my past and move on.

******

Have you ever been on a journey of love where you love someone dearly, but all you get from them is rejection and ridicule?

If you have reached this point, you are the best soul ever. Welcome to another adventure of mine. This book promises to take you into a world of drama with twists and turns that will leave you guessing throughout. Don't stop, keep going and feed your curious minds as you join Nadia on her journey to loving Sidd and hating him to the last point.

Don't forget to share your thoughts on the book in the comment section; critics are welcome and your awesome words will highly be appreciated. I love you all, my beautiful readers!