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Chapter Twelve
Three days later
It is the first time that I have left my room in hours. Or days. Grandpa asked me to come with him and I know he needs me. Not that I'm going to do him any good. I can't offer him comfort or support. I can't offer him anything. Instead I sit quietly beside him as he handles the arrangements. The funeral director gives me a curious look before he turns to Grandpa.
“I was advised by police that it is best to have a closed casket for-” He looks down at a paper on his desk - “Wilder.” He clears his throat. “With the extent of the damage done, it is in the best interest that there are no viewings.”
My whole body tenses at his words and I want to scream out in pain, but I can't. I have no more tears or sc
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Hearing these words are like a knife to my heart, kill ing any last hope that I had that this was all just a huge mistake. Hearing these words breaks what little part of my heart that has remained intact into a million pieces. Tears brim in my eyes and I try to blink them back. His words ring in my ears, taunting me for my stupid belief that maybe this wasn't really happening. "Wilder passed away.." I stand up and rush from the living room, heading upstairs to my bed. Behind me I hear my name being called but I ignore it as I flee. I have to make it to my room before I break down. I just have to make it through the service without breaking down, I keep reminding myself. This is the hardest thing you will ever have to do, I repeat, but once it's over, it's over.
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“Come on, loser!” “Bite me, jerk!” I call back to him. “Dude, you know she's not going to do it. She's scared of heights. And water. And fish. And lions, and tigers and bears, oh my!” Comes another teasing voice. “You are both jerks!” I yell down at them. “It's really not that bad! Just jump!” Wilder calls up to me. I look down to where he is already in the water, about sixteen feet below me. “Come on, baby,
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