*Ana*
I hold the little gift box tied in blue ribbon carefully on my lap as the carriage door closes after Maddie. The maid takes a seat and smiles across the cabin.
“And how are we feeling, my little Ana?” Maddie starts.
'My little Ana?'
I feel my cheeks warm at the new nickname. Maddie is being strange, per usual.
“Excited?”
“Yes,” I look out the window. Outside, there is a farewell party. Aunt Funda and Uncle are here. And some servants have joined. I can even make out many faces I see from the court.
It’s nice to see many come to see me off. But they don’t seem too excited. No one is waving or saying goodbye. I get a somber bow before they start heading back inside.
I haven’t even left yet.
I press my tongue to the roof of her mouth but say nothing at the slight insult. Even though I know that it’s not proper to leave before I do. But it’s quickly forgotten as I discover one still remains.
It’s the human with a scar over his brow. Admiral…something I think. He doesn’t talk much in court. But I catch him looking at me from time to time.
He stands alone as if waiting to send me off.
Admiral Nugen. His name becomes clear. I think he’s from the previous Empress’s guard. He worked for my mother.
“And you have your gift,” Maddie looks at the box. It brings me back from the window. I touch the box with tenderness. I feel myself have to smile with some pride.
“I hope Nicoli will like it,”
The toymaker had finished just in time for our departure. I inspected it quickly before putting it in the box and leaving. But maybe I should open the box?
To check.
But then I will mess up the bow. I have to weigh the pros and cons.
The toy should be fine. I console myself. The toy maker had been a man of talent. He would not risk sabotage. Not against the very empress. Right?
Perhaps, I should go ahead and check. Just in case.
“If it’s from you, of course, he will.” Maddie’s confidence stops my fidgety fingers. I leave the bow alone.
“Shall I lay a place for you to rest, your Empress?” Maddie has some pillows and blankets from under the red leather seats.
“I don’t think I could sleep,” I am honest with myself now. I may look calm on the outside, but I can’t stay still. I twitch and kick my feet. There is no way I could rest.
“Well, if you change your mind, just budge me. I’ll be asleep.” Maddie throws up a pillow on her bench before laying down. Her legs stretch to dangle off the side of the seat.
I can’t say I’m not a bit perturbed.
“I don’t think you’re supposed to sleep before your master.” I go, and Maddie laughs and turns on her side.
“Don’t be expecting me to stay awake the whole way. That’s work abuse.”
Maddie is joking, of course. But I still shake my head before leaning back in my seat. She may be able to sleep easily, but I can’t.
Which won’t make the trip easy. Dawny is quite a journey from Nochten. I know it would be better to sleep, but I can’t. This is just too exciting for me. I would never have thought in my long four years in Nochten that I would leave.
I never thought I’d see the day. And I don’t want to miss a minute.
“Uck,” I feel the carriage lurch forward. We are moving. Quick! I turn to gaze out the window.
As the carriage begins to build speed with the crack of the whip, I see the assembly is good and gone. All save for the one man. He watches me with quiet seriousness.
Something heavy weighs down on my chest when I match his eyes. I have to look away.
“Maddie-” But I’m out of luck. Maddie is now asleep.
Drats…
I have nothing else to do but look across to the other side.
Was I expecting something different? I wonder at the heavy feeling. I watch the mountains made of sand move. Outside there are mountains of sand that spread into the horizon.
It makes one feel isolated the longer they stare out. Maybe because it’s so vast and open.
That more would come to see me off? More would have cared if I went?
Maddie would have come. I know. Maddie is the golden exception.
I shouldn't make any more expectations of them, though. I have to correct my way of thinking. At least they showed up to say goodbye.
At the thought, I check on Maddie. Her gray hair is mushed into the pillow as she sleeps with her mouth wide open. It makes her face crunched and distorted that I find myself giggling. But I don’t want to wake her, so I look back out the window. The sun is just rising over the sand dunes. It is early morning and cool.
Morning is the best time to start any journey. Aunt Funda had warned me.
"It'd help alleviate the hottest point of noon. You'll be far away by then and escape the dangerous heat."
And the horses will be spared. I am more concerned for them. The poor beasts- making them ride out in this hot sun is cruel. If there is any way they can be spared, I want to try and help.
But we'll be fine once we reach the mountains bordering Almony. I know. And aside from the horses, leaving this early is not bad.
Because I can see Nocthen in a shade of colors that can only be seen right now. The shadows start in dark blues that will warm up to light purples, then red, and finally yellow.
It’s like a rainbow.
I watch in quiet awe as the sun rises and the day brightens. The heat in the carriage starts to grow hotter, and I have to shift away from the glass window. Less I stayed and received sun poisoning.
Outside the window, I mark the change in scenery. The sand dunes became the rock of mountains. The rock then changes to the soil. Greenery begins to spring up. More trees stand from the ground. After them come the flowers and grass.
Seeing the familiar flora and fauna triggers a faint memory. I’m little and being carried in my father's arms. We are walking through some kind of bush maze.
I remember that his beard scratches my cheek when he turns to talk to me. About what, I can’t remember. But I think it was something nice. It’s not a bad memory.
I wonder if he still has one? A beard, I mean. What if he doesn’t?
What would his face be like, bald? Would it be funny? Like an egg?
“What about you?” I look at how bright it is. Sometime past noon, if I can guess. The heat, though, I can feel is subsiding. There is a forest coming up ahead.
“What will you look like, little brother?”
I’m curious and scratch at the box. My stomach jumps and pops as I want to get up and move. But I can’t. I have to sit here.
I never had a little brother before. I hope I can be a good sister to him.
“Nicoli,” My lips still tingle.
“Mhm, did you say something?” Maddie grumbles, moving to turn on her side and lazily peer up at me.
Your hair... I only admired the work of art that is the woman’s bird nest. I want to laugh so badly.
“No, I…yes, I do, actually. Maddie, I want to thank you.” I manage to hold back the need and focus on what is important.
“For what?” Maddie is still clearly groggy.
“I would never have thought myself going to Dawny. Let alone meet my father and brother. You made this happen.”
“Oh!” Maddie opens her mouth into an ‘o’ shape as if she caught on only now. She lays back on the bench.
“You mean to pester you to no end until you break down?”
I smirk as I press my head back on the seat.
“I suppose…that’s a way to put it, yes.”
“Any time, your Empress.” Maddie goes before I let out a loud yawn.
“Please. Don’t.” It’s cruel and unusual.
Maddie laughs and reaches a lazy hand to pat mine.
“I was joking.”
“Really. Not ever again, alright?” I look at her seriously.
“Cross my heart,” Maddie motions over her chest with a finger. I smile when I see it. Another yawn before I feel my arms grow heavy.
“Well, since I’m up, I might as well tell you what I heard from the kitchen.” Maddie sits up. She kicks her legs in front of her as if to stretch them.
“Maddie-“ I cut myself off with a yawn.
“No, I swear it’s not gossip this time. It is god’s honest truth. I have a reliable source. It was the cooks-friends-friend of the laundry maid who told me that-"
"Maddie!” I have to roll my eyes. How can she do that?
My head lolls on the cushion as I look at her with heavy eyes.
“Ever the unashamed and incorrigible talker” The label does not seem to offend her or stop her.
"So there's this witch, right? Well, she's been trying to bring back her dead lover. And she's doing this again and again. But it just gets screwed up. Each time just makes him more and more animal-like.
So this poor girl just has to kill and start over. But it's a cost, right? She'll lose some of her insides each time."
"Ana? Are you listening?" Maddie stops to check.
"Uh-huh." I nod, but I can’t focus. Her voice is so relaxing to listen to. Maybe a bit too much this time.
My eyelids are growing heavier as Maddie just goes on. It’s like her voice is a lullaby, and I am drifting off.
"So anyway," Is the last thing I remember her saying before I find myself so happy and safe that I slip out. I fell asleep in a place that I didn't think could get any better.
*Ana* When the carriage enters the town, we start to slow. The wheels clack and wobble as they cross the cobble roads. Our journey is finally coming to an end. The Dawny castle should be just ahead. My heart jumps up my throat, and I swing to the window to peer out. “About time,” Maddie relaxes. "It'll be great to get out of the carriage for a while." "Mmn," I can barely answer. I’m so distracted by the window and what I see- the streets and buildings are so different from Nochten. Everyone uses brick and wood here. Although it’s not that late in the day, I find the sun ready to set. The days are short here. Dawny’s Autumn is much different than Nochten’s. I catch sight of a colored leaf. It drops and catches into the air. I watch it fly over. I pull my hands under my pits and shiver. "I don't remember it being this cold." "Is it always like this?" Maddie moves a blanket over me. I pull it up over my chest. I am instantly grateful that she brought them. "You're just use
*Ana* We are escorted to a set of guest rooms that are freshly cleaned with flowers in every vase. The rooms smell sweet and airy. And it feels bright with the yellow wallpaper and soft cream-colored furniture. It was more than adequate for anyone staying in the castle. But I feel odd about having to use it. Why can't I use my old bedroom? I remember having one of my own. Though I can’t say exactly what that looked like. But I did. So why not just let me use that? Unless someone else uses it now. It strikes me that they might not be free anymore. It might be his now. I smile when I think of him. If that's the case... I don’t mind the room change. It’s insignificant to me. "What you smiling about?"Maddie is in the middle of unpacking. She opens trunks to pull out packed clothes. "I was thinking that this isn't my room." "Oh? You remember that?" Maddie pauses to roll a pair of socks. "I'm surprised you can. You were so young when you left." I lessen my smile a little at tha
*Ana* Maddie was right. I feel dismal as the temperature drops the closer the maid guides us outside. She leads me down the patio steps toward the gardens. All the while, I try not to shiver obviously but it’s becoming more frequent. The Autumn chill is no joke. I have to pull the shawls closer. But they are not effective and the cold stabs through. Worse, it’s just around my shoulder. My feet and legs are getting the worse end of the deal. The chilly air seems to lick at them. I should have just put on that stupid dress. I am suffering silently. Ahead of the maid, I can make out a stoned seating area. A table has been set with china and snacks on tiers. The table has two chairs. One is empty as Stepmother sits in the other. Upon seeing her, I dart my eyes about. I’m hoping to find another smaller figure. Someone that should be either shorter or around my height. But, as we draw over, my expectations die. There is no one else around. It is going to be just the two of us. Thoug
*Ana* “Queen is how I’d prefer you call me if you don’t mind. Since we are not related, after all.” Queen Belinda smiles to thin out her lips. Her blunt white teeth look sharp even though she is human. She doesn’t have fangs but I feel like if she did- she would be lashing out at them. But why? I look at her so confused. My head starts to shake before I even know it is. Why are you looking at me like this? “But, we're family-“ “Empress Anastasia,” She again addresses by title. “I’ve been in society long enough to recognize those of talent. You, my dear, I can validate. You may do great things one day.” Queen Belinda motions for Julia. The maid pours more tea into my still-full cup. I see it begin to overflow and stain the tablecloth. It grows up to the edge of the table and threatens to spill over. I have to quickly switch away less it drip and burns me. “What are you-“ I look to Julia, but Queen Belinda demands my attention. “You have no mother and will never know how it is
*Ana* After my Stepmother leaves, I don’t move from the table. My mind is blank as I feel the events linger. I’m trying to make sense of things, but it doesn’t stay still enough. It keeps rolling around in my head. I can still feel her kick under the table- her phantom nails grating over my skin. But the final blow was to hear that I won’t see brother or father.- that he doesn’t want to see me. She could say all of this without losing her smile. “It can’t be…” My voice comes too late. No one is here to hear me. I have no one to listen. I’m not sure it could change anything, though. Even if I had spoken up then, what could I say? What could I prove? Did I have anything to counter her with? That I was safe? That Father wanted me? But then why wasn’t he here? Was it really true that he had to leave? Or was that an excuse? What proof do I have? Did I have proof that it wasn’t true? Nothing. This is the quickest answer that comes to mind. I have nothing. What I have is a single le
*Side note to readers: song recommendation while you read. Try Once Upon A December by Emilie Pandolfi* I groan while stirring from sleep. My eyes burn as I flutter myself awake. But they give me the chance to adjust to the darkness. Each blink helps clear my sight as I see better at night. And it is night. Some time deep into it. I can tell by how dark it looks outside from the windows. “Maddie?” I am up. My eyes scan the room, for her but see nothing. However, I find that the trunks are all closed and stacked up. Maddie must have finished packing and gone off to bed. The sight brings a small smile of relief. We can leave as soon as it’s morning now. I feel myself grow a little warm at the thought. Home never sounded so wonderful as it did right now. Home. I never thought I would look at it like that before. Until now, I had thought this was- At least I know people will be waiting for me. They have to. But the thought gives me no solace. I feel myself grow cold again. I mo
I must be in the right direction. The song is getting louder. Thank god, I’m relieved that I’m going the right way. It's been a couple of minutes of following down the strange hall. And it would be a waste if I wasn’t. I’ve been trying to remember this when I turn- so I can find my way back. I don't want to be lost. But it’s easy to get distracted by what I found here. My eyes can’t seem to stop themselves from roaming. But seeing it has proven one thing for sure, this hall is abandoned. It has to be. It’s full of discarded pieces with little to no organization. As if this were the land of castaways- I see furniture covered up in big white sheets and portraits piled on each other. Unidentifiable pieces of wood and building supplies are bundled haphazardly together- as if someone intended to come back for them. But that must have been who knows how long ago. Everything has a thick coat of dust. I move my hand to trace a line over an exposed armrest. It’s clean against the thick c
*Ana* "What is this place?" I feel a little silly to even ask. Because I know what it is. Sorta. It’s a room. But it’s not like I’ve ever seen it. The colors are so vivid- I must blink to ensure my eyes aren’t playing with me. I want to say they could be because I’ve been in the dark for so long that it’s not adjusting to the light just yet. But they’re fine. My eyes are not seeing things. I am standing in a room like that which I’ve never seen. And I’m blown away right there. If I had to break it down, the room should start with the walls. They have painted shades of blue in yellow of the likes I have never seen. It’s almost garish in the shade- seldom used in nature. It’s a color I never expect to find in my palace. But that is just the walls. What is inside the room is as follows- a lush purple carpet that sinks in with every step. It borders most of the room save for the sides where the furniture is. I see toys everywhere- they litter the ground. I see trains, building blocks