6: Attracted?

He sounded effortlessly commanding if that was a thing. I glanced up at his face obediently. Obediently? Ha, I guess spending a lifetime with an abusive husband would give you some interesting ideas about men. You’d suddenly begin to think ‘commanding and yet decent people’ like Louie were very attractive. Coping mechanism, perhaps? I reigned my crazy mind in. 

“I am not here to mess with you.” I looked at his face. “I am serious. I’m here to…I’m here to” I shouldn’t be this nervous. His eyes were crazy. They were intense, raw emerald and they seemed to do something to me. “I’m here to apologize.”

Those eyes flickered. His shapely mouth opened almost imperceptibly. I felt like I was seeing Louie for the first time. He could give any school’s the most popular boy a run for money in basically all aspects except for rich parents and expensive cars. And clothes obviously. He was probably only wearing sweatpants but had left his naked torso because of that, the lack of clothes. I nearly laughed at my own joke.

“For what, Tyler?” he voice was softer this time. 

I took a deep breath. Here we go. I was probably repeating this day because of Louie. Maybe I would say goodbye to all this afterward. Sadness bottled up inside me. My inner comedy section ended.

“For kicking you out of our house, Louie,” I said solemnly. “You’re my step-brother. The house also belongs to you as much as it does to me. Hell, it doesn’t exactly belong to me since it’s our parents’ house. I was victimizing myself so much, being immature, and treated you badly. I’m really sorry. If you want, you can come back whenever you want. I can wait if that’s now.”

He bit down his lower lip and cast his gaze downward. Despite his attempt to hide, I could see he was blinking fast. 

When he looked up, he said seriously, “I forgive you, Tyler. Come here…”

He pulled me tight into his chest. It was so warm I wouldn’t need a heater in winters. I just disappeared in his arms. And this was a bad idea because his naked flesh was flushed against my body with only a thin layer of fabric in between. I started to imagine him doing something else to me rather than holding me innocently. I began to wish….

He pulled away from me and regarded me with his hands over my shoulders.

“Are you attracted to me, sweetheart?” 

————

My jaw dropped because of his very blank question. I couldn’t muster an answer.

“Don’t go crazy okay?” he added. “You’re only a minor.”

“Sure.” I said defensively. “I’m not attracted to you. You’re my stepbrother.”

“We met two years ago because our parents married. You aren’t my sister. Don’t beat yourself up so much about that.” He opened the door wider. “Want to come inside and hang out with us?”

I was distracted because I didn’t know how to make out his words. Had he just admitted there was a possibility that he would have sex with me at one point? Or had he given me some sort of prep talk, sex education?

“That’s okay. Ed’s waiting for me. I should…” I trailed off as a girl walked up to him before hugging him from behind. By the noise, she was leaving a trail of kiss on his back. 

“What’s taking you so long?” she moaned before resuming her kissing session.

“Go wait, Jenifer.” He ordered. “I’m talking with Tyler.”

“Okay…” she mumbled before sashaying away, shaking her ass. She had a nice ass. I almost envied her.

Anyway… there was some sort of power hierarchy here I didn’t understand. First with his guy friend and with this girl. I wondered if he was in a gang. His auburn hair was a buzz cut and he had a scar peeking out of his jeans hanging low on his hips. 

I wondered if he was having sex with that girl. That was understandable if she couldn’t wait, given how sexy Louie appeared. Look at those ridges above—wait! Wait! This was not the time or place.

So, back to the gang thing. Yeah, he was going to Princeton. People who went to Princeton didn’t do drugs and join gangs as far as I knew of. Though I could be wrong since I went to another college and dropped out in my senior year. He did have an aura around him, a kind nobody including me wouldn’t dare to mess with if he wasn’t grinning.

He said he would move in around next week before giving a peck on my cheek. I was so hyperaware of everything he did that I mumbled monosyllables before I turned around.

I wondered if the world around me would disappear when I dawdled to the sidewalk, calling my stepdad. It didn’t. Maybe it would disappear tomorrow.

*** 

The sleep was over. I didn’t open my eyes right away. When I opened, I was still in my room of my childhood home. 

I cried. Sobbing first. Bawling my eyes out second. I was so relieved. I was so happy. I was over the moon to still be here. Issac was gone. His friends were gone. I was alive, perfectly healthy, and had received another chance at life. It might be too early to assume I was given an another chance at my life as Tyler, but I liked to think so.

This was a miracle.

I danced on my bed for a while before I jumped down. I did everything I had to do afterward dancing and humming. 

The exams were over, but we still had year book signing which I had forgotten yesterday. I found several cropped tank tops in multiple colors. I picked a dark maroon one and a drape jacket. I paired that with denim shorts. 

I was nice to everybody I encountered and was cheerful because I could. In my previous lifetime, I hadn’t signed anybody’s yearbook except for Fern’s and Sherynn’s since I was feeling so humiliated.

Today, I walked along the corridor flipping my hair. Since I wanted to do it before Felicia,   I had to repeat quite a few times. She was talking with Chase, probably to make me jealous, with the assumption that I must be so into him. 

Her eyes followed me and since I was paying attention to her and while trying to appear I wasn’t doing so, my eyes hurt a bit. I set my stare straightforward but at the same time had to focus my peripheral vision. Hopefully, my eyes weren’t rolling to the back of my skull in confusion.

Since they were talking near my locker, purposefully, I had to oblige her by going there.

SKUNK!

Somebody—no doubt Felicia or her friends— had sprayed the letters on the door. They had done the exact same thing in my previous lifetime, and I had run to the bathroom without even opening the locker.

Presently, I could sense stares on my back. So I spun around and swept my eyes over the nosy people with an aggressive, all-teeth smile. I halted my eyes on Felicia for a few seconds. Then I declared in a really loud voice,

“Somebody painted ‘SKUNK’ over my locker door IN CASE any of you can’t see it properly!! Here, I’d to thank them for their kind gesture,” I looked at Felicia again. “Because I’m actually worse than a SKUNK but I don’t give a shit!!! Now you can all proceed to your business instead of paying respect to me here!!!”

The students walked away, muttering something inaudible and some a little embarrassed for gawking at me. Felicia looked at me like I was an alien from planet hell and she wasn’t sure how to deal with me. I wasn’t sure how they felt about themselves or about me after that, but I personally didn’t care. 

I drank, ate, and signed just fine. I smiled at the same people I had shouted at in the morning as though I had an amnesia. 

“I always thought you were a spineless copycat but I was wrong. You’re a badass! Have a great summer, Tyler!” Wrote one of my classmates.

“Love you, Queen!”

“Don’t care haters. They’re losers.”

I mainly received very positive, heartwarming sentences, and I ignored a few weird ones. I didn’t need to deal with unnecessary details, emotionally and physically, unless I felt like it.

***

I thought I had disappointed Chase as much as I didn’t care but I was wrong obviously since he was a manwhore. On the last day of school, he ran after me to the bus stop. 

“Tyler! Tyler! Wait!” 

For a moment, I kept going since I wasn’t in the mood but after a while, I slowed down out of pity. 

He panted. “Thank God. Thought you didn’t hear me.”

“What’s up?” 

“Can I buy you a cup of coffee? If you have time…” He ended uncertainly. He looked nervous and I knew he wasn’t faking it since I had known him. 

My plan was to eat popcorn watching a thriller film after having what Mom or Ed cooked for dinner. 

“It won’t be long.” 

With the plan to lecture him a little about life, I agreed. Chase was going to fuck up in his future though not as much as me. He had been sentenced to life in prison for murdering his then girlfriend’s parents. When would that be? I didn’t exactly remember the time-frame. I guessed that would be in our early twenties. Five or six years from now.

We sat down at a cafe a few blocks away from school. He had his car. 

“You’re so gorgeous today, Tyler,” he said after a sip at his coffee.

I ordered a mocha and I took my time tasting it. I had no reason to rush to anywhere.

“I know,” I laughed. 

“You’re so funny. I never knew you’re this intriguing. Gorgeous and…” 

“Stop it, Chase,” I said lightly, putting my cup down. “I know you sleep with everybody which is not my problem. Your freedom, your choice as long as it doesn’t hurt anybody. But don’t pull stunts with me.”

He was so abashed, he couldn’t speak for a full minute. After that, he drank his coffee for a long time.

“But I know you have a good heart,” I added.

“Who are you?” he murmured. “You aren’t Tyler, are you?”