CHAPTER FORTY-ONE

NOLAN POV

For the next hour and a half, I stood at the bar, drinking one drink after another. I probably wouldn't be invited next year, or maybe they would make people pay for their own drinks to make up for all the alcohol I was drinking tonight.

Watt came over and stood right next to me. "Okay, I know something is really wrong now. Thank goodness this bar is holding you up, or you’d be flat on the floor. What in the world is going on?"

I pushed away his hand when he put it on my shoulder. "Nothing a little drink won't fix."

"You're way past the 'little drink' stage, Nolan. Seriously. Come on, let me take you home. We can talk about it there."

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Fine. Just let me take you home, then." Watt looked like a tough guy, but deep down, he was gentle. He liked talking about feelings. I didn't want to do that, but I also didn't want to stay here anymore. So, I nodded my head.

As he drove me home, he asked, "Did Anna call you or something?" He was asking about my ex-wife.

My head was resting against the car window. I was trying hard to keep the alcohol from making me sick. "Why would you ask that?"

"Because the last time you were this drunk was when you thought you might lose the right to see April."

"April is a grown woman now. I'm not going to lose the right to see her."

We drove in silence for a while. I was hoping Watt would stop trying to find out why I was such a mess—not just drunk, but feeling terrible inside, too.

"Look, something is upsetting you, and I’m not trying to be nosy, but—"

"Yes, you are. And it’s not your business."

"It is my business, Nolan. First, we are business partners. If you start getting drunk in public and letting women touch you where everyone can see, I need to know about it. I'll have to hire a very good person to help fix your reputation. Second, we are friends, man. Like brothers. Maybe I can help."

"You can't." That was the worst part of all. There was no way to fix this pain.

"Maybe I can't fix it, but talking about it won't make things worse."

We got to my house. Watt helped me inside and put me down on the couch. Then he went to get me some water and a pill for the pain.

He came back and sat in a chair, just looking at me. "So, what's happening, Nolan?"

For a long time, I didn't say anything. I really didn't plan to talk. I leaned my head back and closed my eyes, wishing the alcohol would just make me feel numb.

"I slept with someone I shouldn't have. Now I have feelings for this person, which I shouldn't. And she's going to have someone else's baby." I said it. It was out.

Watt didn't say a word. I opened my eyes just enough to see him staring at me. "I'm not sure what surprises me more: that you have feelings for someone, or that you're upset she's pregnant with another man's kid."

I pressed the palms of my hands into my eyes, wishing all these problems would disappear.

"Does she know how you feel?"

I tried to roll my eyes, but it made my stomach feel like it was going to throw up. "No. And it wouldn't change anything if I told her. She is totally, completely, one hundred percent forbidden and off limit. And besides, she has clearly moved on. I taught her about physical pleasure, and now she's sharing herself with other men."

Watt raised one eyebrow. "You think she was a virgin?" Then his face changed as he realized something. "It's that woman you met before Christmas, isn't it?"

I gently tapped the end of my nose to show him he was right.

"After just one night, you fell completely in love with her?" His voice showed he couldn't believe it.

"It wasn't one night. It was more like three or four. And no, I am not completely in love." I didn't know what the hell I was feeling, but it couldn't be love.

Watt was silent for a moment. I hoped that now that he knew my secret, or part of it, he would leave me alone to suffer.

"If she was a virgin, how can you be sure you're not the baby's father?"

"The timing. She told April she's only six weeks along. But I was with her just before Christmas, and—" I stopped talking quickly. I almost told him about New Year's Eve. Watt was smart; he might connect the dots and realize I was talking about Gwen.

"Well, I don't know much about women's bodies or babies, but I do know that women, just like men, sometimes don't tell the complete truth. Maybe she just said that so you wouldn't think the baby was yours."

His words hit me with a mix of great fear and great hope. Had Gwen lied to April, knowing April would tell me she was pregnant? That would mean Gwen didn't want me to know about the baby. That made me angry.

"I can tell you're thinking that's possible." Watt went quiet again. When I finally looked at him, he was looking down at his restless hands—a clear sign that he had something important to say or ask. He looked up at me. "Does this whole situation have anything to do with April’s roommate, Gwen?"

"What the hell, Watt?"

He looked a little guilty. "I'm April's godfather, so we talk a lot. I know she didn't make it to the cabin over Christmas, but her friend did. I also know how upset April was when her friend suddenly left, and now, that friend is pregnant."

I could only stare at him. I probably looked like a shocked animal caught in car lights.

"Wow, Nolan. A true alpha indeed!”

Rage exploded inside me. "I don't want any lectures from you, Watt. Just leave me the hell alone." I winced when I realized those were the last words I had said to Gwen, too.

Watt got up from the couch, holding his hands out to show he wasn't fighting. "I'm not going to lecture you, Nolan. You are both grown-ups. But—"

"I said no lectures!"

"But if you are the father of that girl's baby, you have to do the right thing. At least you have to find out the truth. Get a DNA test. Also, if you think April won't figure this out, you're more stupid than the women you usually fuck."

I jumped up from the couch, but the room started spinning, and I quickly fell back down on my butt.

"Do yourself a favor and just stay right there for the rest of the night. Take the water and the pills. And with that, I'm leaving you."

After the door closed behind him, I lay there, swimming in my anger. I took the pills and drank the water. Immediately, I started thinking about getting more alcohol. But the longer I sat, and the angrier I got, the more I felt I had to see Gwen and find out the truth once and for all.

Somehow, I managed to pull out my phone and order a car. It arrived right in front of my house just as I managed to walk outside. I gave the driver the address. When we reached Gwen’s father’s house, I told the driver to wait, offering him an extra hundred dollars if he did.

I walked up to the old-looking house, wondering if Gwen was playing a game with me. I thought, maybe I could be her way out of being poor. A small, clear part of my mind knew that didn't make sense—she was clearly trying to hide her pregnancy. But the alcohol and the anger were mixing, and I decided to let the anger lead the way.

I hammered on the door. It took several minutes before it opened.

Gwen stood there. She was wearing dark, tight pants and a big, faded, loose shirt. Her hair was pulled back messily in a bun. How was it possible that looking like this, she was more beautiful than Eden, Rita, Ella, or any other goddamn woman?

"Nolan?"

Remembering why I was there, I stood up straight, making myself look as tall and intimidating as possible. "Are you a gold digger, or just a fucking damn liar?"